Funny Quotes from BB Members #4

[Barnabas H.]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tyndale1946: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks...
Don't be like the fly and get caught in the web... Brother Glen <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung/verkleidung/verkleidung029.gif

[Barnabas H.]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TomVols, in reply to the KJ-Bible Defenders thread: Thanks Ransom. I'll definitely put it on my "Want List" and check it out.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

*** There supposed to be a Tomcat fighter plane over here, but the URL must have been messed up. *** :rolleyes:

[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Barnabas ]

[Barnabas H.]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Helen in the Clean Humor forum: You know what they call a brunette standing between two blondes? An interpreter...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am glad you’ve said it Helen and not I. http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung/aktion/aktion025.gif

[Barnabas H.]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Thomas Cassidy (in answer to an article relating to "horse sense & common sense"): I wonder why they call it common sense when it seems not to be all that common? smile.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung/lachen/lachen014.gif

[Kathy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dr. Bob Griffin:
Although I'm thinking about giving up water skiing for Lent myself. Hard to get through the ice this time of year, anyway.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Smooth, very smooth! LoL

http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung/aktion/aktion045.gif

[Kathy]

Regarding Fasting...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chet:
Hey, there is no way I can go without food over 5 or 6 hours, let alone a whole day! :D <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LoL Chet! http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung/travesmilies/smilie_koch.gif

[Kathy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JAMES2:
Well, I sometimes get to explicit and get shut down, so I was trying to be nice. I admit, I am rather blunt, but also truthful.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Brutal honesty...LoL

http://www.clicksmilies.com/sammlung/travesmilies/smilie_engteuf.gif

[Clint Kritzer]

This is my six-hundred and sixty-sixth post!
:eek:

[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: Clint Kritzer ]

[Clint Kritzer]

There, I'm over that hurdle! Figured this was the thread with which to jump over that wall! :D :D :D

[Kathy]

You dare bring such heathenistic posts to this thread Bro. Kritzer? Why, I'll have you know that this thread is the purest you'll find on the Baptist Board!

*Note: Please disregard ramblings of raving lunatic above. Thank you.* http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/travesmilies/smilie_hae.gif

Kathy http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/travesmilies/smilie_engel03.gif
&lt;&gt;&lt;

[preacher]

http://216.40.201.155/s/cwm/cwm/thinkerg.gif Above.....Whom??

[Kathy]

Kathy = raving lunatic! LoL (Sorry, I didn't mean Bro. Kritzer!)

Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

[preacher]

[Sorry Gang, my giant frog CROAKED!


OKEY DOKEY
(Don't worry...this'll be my only post with
giant frogs!!)

[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: preacher ]

[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: preacher ]

[Kathy]

Hey Preacher, you might wanna get rid of the huge froggy (altho he is cute), cuz BB has a new rule that images cannot be bigger than the BB banner on the top left. Just wanted to give you a heads up! Happy editing.

Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

P.S. I got yer back Precher! They got me too! LoL

[Kathy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Miss Bobbie:
It never occurred to me one might edit for content. I edit only for typing, grammar, and clarity, lest someone think that English is merely a second language for me. :D<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LoL@English as a second language! You're a riot Miss Bobbie!

http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/grinser/grinser022.gif

[Kathy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Clint Kritzer:
If I feel there is a question about why I was editing, I will usually add a text at the bottom such as:

[edited for better sentence structure]

or something like that. When I see this done by others, I tend to believe it. Of course, no one reads my posts anyway...

[edited for a more humble demeanor]

[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: Clint Kritzer ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by preacher:
I read your posts, & even agree with al...er..most of them! :rolleyes:

[edited to make Bro. Clint feel better!!!] smile.gif

[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: preacher ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is it just me, or do Baptists have the best sense of humor? LoL! http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/spezial/roderick/reiter.gif

[Barnabas H.]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SaggyWoman: You guys ain't right. :D<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dr. Thomas Cassidy: Of course we are! My wife said, on the occasion of our 26th anniversary two weeks ago, "I married Mr. Right. Unfortunately, his first name is 'Always!'" smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif

[Siegfried]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Pastor Larry: BTW, if you have a true ThD, why are you citing Hebrew definitions out of Strong's?? That is very suspect. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Note to self: Don't mess with Pastor Larry.

[Clint Kritzer]

SukieLyn on the subject of "Favotite TV shows." <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Captain Kangaroo tongue.gif (Dr. Bob kind of reminds me of the Captain! Maybe Barnabas is Mr. Green Jeans!)
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[Kathy]

Originally posted by Uncle Ray:
Dear Fly,
I said
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />High-school geometry was in 1959 for me... Were you even around then?You said

My mom was in elementary school in '59A simple YES or NO would have been sufficient.</font>[/QUOTE]LoL! http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/lachen/lachen002.gif

[Kathy]

Originally posted in General Discussions on the poll of whether a woman can pastor a church:

Originally posted by Forever settled in heaven:
frankly i don't care what she does, so long as she's a husband of one wife. ;) Don't know if anyone caught this, but it cracked me up...I had to read it twice to get it...I thought at first, "whats wrong with FSIH?" Then when I read it again...I was like OHHHHH...HAHAHAHA! LoL Good one!
http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/linie/linie012.gif

[donnA]

Dr. Bob

And if I don't have time, I always ask them to wait a minute while I finish sacrificing a goat in the backyard, then we can talk.

For some reason, they all disappear A good way to get rid of unwated guests.

[Clint Kritzer]

Originally posted by Uncle Ray:
You describe yourself as a "preacher and wife" in the profile. I would be surprised if you were a female Baptist preacher named Dave. Does the "wife" mean that you are a Mr. Mom? Sort of like "I've got it made. I have a wife and a color TV and they both work." :D

You also say that you "Minister to the Incarcerated, Homeschool ". Are you refering to your children as inmates or is there a prison ministry in your life?

[Joy]

Originally posted by PreacherDave Hey you liberals out there...WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SCRIPTURES!... :D :D

Would you like that regular or decaf?! :D

[ February 26, 2002, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: Joy ]

[Bro. Curtis]

Originally posted by rlvaughn

"I can't speak for anyone else, cricket. But as for me, I'd rather be posting than doing laundry and dishes, or taking out the trash. :eek: So, it's not a matter of time management, just learning how to walk around the clothes, using paper plates and plastic forks, and learning to tolerate the smell of the trash! :D Maybe some real time-managers will step in and help us both!"

Classic!!!

[Kathy]

Originally posted by Alex Mullins:
I am not a male chauvinist, by the way! I think women are great and everyone should own at least one.....just kidding!!Lucky for you that you said "just kidding"! LoL
http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/grinser/grinser043.gif

[Kathy]

Originally posted by Thomas Cassidy:
Now, please don't tell anyone it was an RSV. Some of my "friends" will tell me I couldn't possibly be saved reading that perversion! :D LoL Dr. Cassidy! I read from the NIV when I got saved! :eek: But don't worry, it's just between us! LoL

[Barnabas H.]

Originally posted by Dr. Bob Griffin:
Hey, I'm a poor preacher, and don't get paid much, either Originally posted by rlvaughn: Well, if you weren't such a poor preacher, maybe they'd pay you more. :D :D :D http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif

[Barnabas H.]

Originally posted by Dr. Bob Griffin: GrandDad used to say that NOBODY SMOKES. The cigarette smokes and they are just the sucker on the end of it. :eek: :eek: http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif

[Barnabas H.]

Originally posted by Mr. Curtis on Martial Arts: My sister is a retired kick boxer, undefeated. She will be the first to tell you it isn't a violent, aggressive sport. But it is pretty cool to watch her punch thru wooden chair bottoms & cement blocks...etc... Originally posted by SaggyWoman: I am all for it. It would help us deal with some church members.http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif

[Kathy]

Originally posted by Don:
...(and don't worry about hurting my feelings; I've been in the military for 14 years now, and I have no pride left)...I don't think this was meant to be funny, but it did make me giggle.

Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

[Clint Kritzer]

Originally posted by Barnabas:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by rlvaughn:
Blah, blah, blah, blah....... blah.

[March 15, 2002, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: Clint Kritzer, Dr. Thomas Cassidy, Dr. Bob Griffin, Barnabas, Ernie Brazee, & The Squire]Well, I'm glad I edited out all those nasty things you have said Brother Rlvaughn!</font>[/QUOTE]http://216.40.198.77/mysmilies/s/otn/realhappy/xxrotflmao.gif http://216.40.201.240/s/contrib/blackeye/lol.gif

This is how moderators act when it's slow on the board!

[Bible Believing Bill]

Posted by rsr in the Why do Baptists love to eat thread.

Because it's easier to agree about food than doctrine. ROFL :D :D

[Barnabas H.]

Originally posted by Gina: I don't know about y'all, but those pot-luck things scare me. I wanna know EXACTLY what is in that pot and if the person washed their hands before they touched it.
The only one I really enjoy is the Passover one..I have plans to bring a bag of Fritos this time instead of making the unleavened bread though and then defending my position theologically on why it's ok. :D Pot-luck, I mean good luck to you da Gina, you will be needing it. http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif

[ March 18, 2002, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: Barnabas ]

[Clint Kritzer]

Originally posted by SaggyWoman:
Congratulations!

Most certainly, you are the chicken's lips!Some folks sure have a way with words, don't they?

http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/mica/madcow.gif

[Barnabas H.]

Originally posted by SaggyWoman: I love hairy men. Especially facial hair. :D :eek: Originally posted by Dr. Bob Griffin: Saggy, You love men period. Hair or not. Tell me you wouldn't marry that Mr. Right even if he was bald as a billiard ball!Boy that was so funny, it cracked me up! http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif

[Gina B]

ROFL! I'll never play pool again without thinking of SW now, thanks!
da Gina

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by bushprsdnt: I read all my books, remember the contents, and then I don't have to refer to them again. Originally posted by TomVols: Yeah, but some of us read books you don't have to color :D Hilarious! http://www.duhspot.com/users/smiley/s/otn/laughing/lol2.gif http://www.duhspot.com/users/smiley/s/otn/laughing/lol2.gif http://www.duhspot.com/users/smiley/s/otn/laughing/lol2.gif

[donnA]

Yeah, but some of us read books you don't have to color

LOL!

ROTFL!!!!!!

That was funny.

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by Katie: We don't have a clock, but you can tell when it's about noon. For 5 minutes you can hear everyone's watch beeping. Sometimes after 4 or 5 watches ring in, the pastor will say I know what time it is, but I'm not finished. Originally posted by Clint Kritzer: I can't STAND that! It's just as rude as standing up and saying "12 O'CLOCK!!!" Of course, it's not as bad as having a timer connected to a trap door on the pulpit!!! http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh2.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh2.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh2.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh2.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh2.gif

[Bible Believing Bill]

Originally quoted by Katie: I've been here 22 years, am I a local now? Originally Posted by Clint Kritzer: 'Round these parts, you aren't local for three or four generations. I mean, after all, if the cat crawled in the oven and had kittens, would you call them biscuits?LOL :D

[ April 02, 2002, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: Barnabas2 ]

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by Tyndale1946: Sometimes discussions get heated and Christian and Non Christian alike have come close to calling the other the south end of a north bound horse.You must be a diplomat Brother Glen. Certainly have a way with words. http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gif

[ April 05, 2002, 11:31 AM: Message edited by: Barnabas2 ]

[Kathy]

Originally posted by rsr:
Kathy:

Redneck Baptist? Well, that's hardly a distinguishing handle. That applies to millions. ;) Pass the peanuts so I can pour them into my Coke ...LOVE IT!!!! hahaha

http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/grinser/grinser022.gif

Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by SaggyWoman: I don't usually go in the humor forum. (The forums I go in are already pretty humorous.... lol)And that's the truth folks! smile.gif

[donnA]

NewBeliever(soon be....?)
Seems you got me. It reminded me if a line from our favorite movie(most people have a song, we have a movie), Jaws, Roy Shidders( I know thats not right, but you know who I mean anyway.) wife Ellen, askes when do I get to be an islander, the answer, never, you have to be born here. Guess I'll never make it.

[Clint Kritzer]

Originally posted by NewBeliever:
FSIH...did you? Well not directly as I did post it here originally, but I didn't post it originally overall. :D

Could you follow that logic? :confused:

Bill:confused: :confused: No, Bill, can't say that I could! :confused: :confused:

**It should be noted that this was on a thread called "English at its most perfect form in 1611." :D

[Margie Kritzer]

Originally posted by SuekieLyn:
Grace, you're a doodle! :D Doodle, LOL http://www.theunholytrinity.org/cracks_smileys/otn/laughing/icon_smile_lachuh.gif

[Kathy]

Originally posted by Miss Bobbie:
Bobbie is my own name. I go by "Miss Bobbie" so there could be no mistake that I'm female. :D

Edited because I misspelled my own name. :rolleyes: LoL!!!! Miss Bobbie, you kill me! *hehehehehe*
http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/lachen/lachen007.gif

Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by Scott Bushey:
Welcome back Dr. B (Dr. Bob Griffin). We missed you. Hope the trip was profitable! Originally posted by Dr. Thomas Cassidy: Of course it was profitable. I got to spend a couple of hours with him and got him all straightened out! You will notice in his future posts he sounds a lot more intelligent after spending a couple hours with me! :D :D :D http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh1.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh1.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh1.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh1.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh1.gif

[Brother Adam]

Originally posted by SuekieLyn:
It's hard to get mad when certain threads have wandered off in another direction, it's so easily done, so it's understandable. But I can see why moderators get a little ruffled when a thread is started "Moses and His People Flee Egypt", you start reading and before you know it, it's turned into "whether or not there was a hippopotamus with them, and if so, was it wearing a pink tutu and if it was doctrinally wrong to paint it's toenails" http://www.plauder-smilies.de/nut.gif....and please, don't anyone go looking for this thread, it just doesn't exist. It was only an exaggeration of truth, sort of.
Sue ;) haha! :D :D :D :D

UNP
Adam

[rsr]

From Brother Glen:
The ones that get me are when two people start duking it out while ignoring the others that try to get into the coversation and topic. Is this the Baptist Board or the Baptist Brawl?... Another thing sermons are reserved for Sunday not here... For pete sake shorten some of these posts unless it something revelant and interesting as I find myself checking my watch!... Brother Glen
LOL smile.gif

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by Dr. Bob Griffin: Man, don't any of you read the Sunday comics? Prince Valiant and Gawain FOUND EDEN and are getting chased by the Emperor for not revealing its whereabouts.

Can't understand why folks use the Bible when we've got Ann Landers, the Sunday Funnies, and Paul Harvey within easy reach! :rolleyes: :eek: :rolleyes:

[Bible Believing Bill]

Orginally posted by TimothyW on April 23,2002:

TAXES?!?!?!

(Turns from computer)

Honey, what day is today?

AAAAIIIIGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! LOL I hope you're kidding!

Bill

[ April 25, 2002, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: Bible Believing Bill ]

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by TomVols: It's been pointed out that Baptist church rolls make Arthur Anderson and Enron look well managed. It's a shame.Ain't that the truth?! ;)

[Clint Kritzer]

Originally posted by katie:

edited because this is not a word. "Soemg reat "http://www.contrabandent.com/cwm/s/otn/realhappy/biglaugh.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/cwm/s/otn/realhappy/mhihi.gif http://www.contrabandent.com/cwm/s/contrib/blackeye/lol.gif

That was pretty good, Katie! I think we should take up a love offering to go ahead and get you that new keyboard so that you can see the letters!

[Bible Believing Bill]

Originally posted by Carson Weber: Yeah, I tried to assassinate my Protestant roommate in my undergraduate years, but, alas, he survived. Orginally posted by ChristianCynic: Your protestant roommate was *alas*? Yet you refer to this lass as "he." No wonder you attempted assassination!Cynic you crack me up! http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/grlaugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/grlaugh.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/grlaugh.gif

[ May 06, 2002, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: Barnabas ]

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by Dr. Bob Griffin:
Reminds me of a story . . .
Church asked the smartest preacher to come and speak, but they were turned down.

So they asked the best looking preacher to come and speak, but they were turned down.

So they asked the most eloquent preacher to come and speak, but they were turned down.

So they asked the tallest preacher to come and speak . . and they got ME. I didn't feel right turning them down 4 times in a row! :rolleyes: Originally posted by tyndale1946:
That was a belly whooper!... Dr. Bob and his wicked bowtie... Strikes Again... Brother Glen :D :eek: tongue.gif

[MissAbbyIFBaptist]

REALLY,REALLY rolling on the floor laughing after reading these posts. Ya'll should keep adding to this!
**Abby** :D :D

[Son of Consolation]

Originally posted by rlvaughn (concerning posting pictures, to borrow from an old line):
Better to keep your picture off of the Baptist Board and have people assume that you are ugly, than to post it and remove all doubt! ;) :D :eek: :D :D :eek: :D So that is why we have so few pictures on the BB?! :rolleyes:

[MissAbbyIFBaptist]

Well, I tried to put my picture here. I think webmater said he was working on it.
If it ever does get posted on here, just close your eyes.
After all, a picture is worth a 1000 words, but when you see mine, only one word comes to mind...AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
Well, post more later [I feel the need for a paper bag! ;) }
{look on the brite side;God created everything, and He dosn't make mistakes,so maybe there's a reason for me... ;)

[donnA]

Thanks Clint, now everyone can just send that love offering too..............

lol

[Son of Consolation]

These are some of the answers to Brother Glen's question: "What Is Your Heaven Like?"

Originally posted by ChristianCynic:
I don't know for sure, but it ain't gonna a place where we just sit around strummin' on a bunch of crummy harps. Originally posted by tyndale1946:
Christian Cynic... Hey!... Isn't that you in the string section? http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/LeahHarp2.gif... Brother Glen :D Originally posted by Helen:
Nah... he's the one banging on the drums! Originally posted by tyndale1946:
You Baptist got me all stirred up now and my bags are packed... What time does the Glory Bound Express leave? Can't I just go like Elijah I don't want to die I'm chicken!... :D

[donnA]

Gina
Since Webmaster didn't make a forum for really weird questions by strange people, I'm posting this here.

[Joy]

These are still some of our funniest threads! for length's sake, I will close this one, but someone, feel free to start a new one!!! ;) :D