Dealing with controlling & divisive people

Doesn't EHarmony.com have a money back guarantee?

I'd just get a refund and move on.

John

 

Since you've never met her mother, and have only met her in person one time, something to think about..... She may be the one who wants to call it quits and is using her mother as the excuse. A "gentle" way to do it is to put the blame on someone else.

On another note, if I were her mother, I'd probably be equally as concerned because of all the horror stories that have resulted from Internet dating. This isn't being said with any disrespect to you personally, as I don't know you. I'd be doing everything I could to discourage a daughter of mine from following this path.

As a Christian, if she were my daughter I'd be very disappointed in her for inviting you to her home for a weekend. Regardless of what did/didn't happen between the two of you, the implication of sin is there now and won't be easily erased.

If you were my son, I'd be looking at this from a different viewpoint. First, as a Christian, I'd be disappointed in you, as noted above. Next, I'd be telling you that you don't want to become further involved with a duo of both mother and daughter. If the mother is as controlling as you say, that won't end. You have to factor that in for the rest of her (mother's) life. Are you ready to deal with that for 30 or 40 years? Suppose circumstances force mother to move in with daughter. It happens, often, when elderly parents can no longer care for themselves.

Are you attending church regularly? If so, talk to your pastor. An online forum, no matter how concerned we are for you, comes in a distant second to talking to your pastor face to face. To ask your pastor to pray with/for you for the Holy Spirit to guide you.

If you don't attend church, please find one.

 

You are on a slippery slope. You were warned against staying at this woman's house and you mocked at the advice. Her mother has every reason to think bad of you for dishonoring her daughters name by staying at her house even if nothing happened. I know if this was my daughter I would be upset with you as well as her.
Since you thought your way was better then previous counsel I assume you will do the same this time, 1Cor 10:12. However since you asked, here is my advise. You have dishonored this woman's daughter. You now need to humble yourself and go to the mother and apologize to her and admit your error in judgment for staying at her daughters home with no excuses or justification being made by you. If she will hear you fne, but if she will not hear you then I suggest move on.
I would point out something here. If this woman is 33 be sure she is biblically allowed to marry, not divorced. By that I do not mean preacher approved, but God/biblically approved.
Ask to meet with the mother and humble yourself and be willing to admit where you have been foolish and wrong. If that does not work then you may want to move on or expect to have a very unhappy life with her daughter because your actions.

 

Well that's what you get for telling her mother that her iPhone doesn't compare to your Blackberry!

 

Maybe you can use your Way of the Master training and go open air preach at her mother?

 

Yes, that's one area we are in agreement.

I am focused on the old ways from 2,000 years ago, when my Saviour walked on this earth.

I don't look for excuses, ways to self justify what I WANT, when the Holy Spirit directs me back 2,000 years to what Christ taught us and what He expects of us.

Uhmmmm..... comparing seeking a wife to buying stuff on line.... nuff said.

 

evangelist6589,

I just wanted to thank you so much for all of your posts. I have copied several of them for the future to use as examples for young people of what NOT to do when pursuing relationships, jobs and so forth.

 

Brother, the best advice I can give you is to take this to the Lord in prayer. I mean, searching for His face prayer. Ask Him if she is the one for you. If she is the one, you will see this through to the end. If it's not, then it will fall flat. Either way, you will find out what He says is final. FWIW, I'll be engaged in prayer for you two.

 

This is the most mature thing you have said in a long time. May you continue to grow in that direction. No need to apologize, just grow up.

I spoke a little TIC here but I was speaking the truth. To point out truth is not 'fault-finding' or dwelling on negatives.

 

Hate to say it, but if daughter hasn't disconnected mom's controlling ways at 30+ years old, it's probably not going to happen anytime soon. That should have been taken care of way back in the early/mid 20's.

 

I may get hit at for this, but we used to tell our teens that when they are wondering what their wife will be like to take a look at their mother. We all too often become what we most despise.

 

There is nothing wrong with finding a perspective mate on line, but there is with your wisdom when meeting them.

 

This is true.