Featured Bullying

Bullying is real, though I'm sure this latest hot topic in the news cycle will make it seem as if there are bullies waiting on every corner in America. Can't just report something, gotta squeeze the life out of it and beat it with a stick.

 

Edit: I had about three or four paragraphs here raising questions about Miami OT Jonathan Martin claiming he has been "bullied" by veteran players, but in light of what has come out this morning ...

http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2013/...lineman-richie-incognito-over-bullying-claim/​

... and potential evidence they may have that veteran players for the Dolphins may have been bullying and taking advantage not just of Martin, but of other younger players, I've deleted them. I still find it incredible, but will leave it to the NFL, the Dolphins and perhaps even the courts to decide.

Bullying campaigns are just as you described them: The latest PC "hot button." Still, there is genuine cause for concern, particularly among little girls who seem to be able to generate the highest level of cruelty and violence against their peers imaginable. Compared to what they do to one another, towel flipping and cold water dumping are exceptionally tame.

Also, the campaigns don't work.

http://brainblogger.com/2013/10/29/bully-for-you-the-ineffectiveness-of-anti-bullying-programs/​

That means doing a forensic psychological study of bullies. "Why do they need to bully?" and "Why do they decide who they will bully?" would be helpful questions to ask. But the anti-bullying campaigns don't ask those questions. As the study cited here states, all they do is make the bullies more adept at avoiding detection. Lot of good that does.

 

My mom cleaned the toilets at my junior high school, so I got picked on a lot. I learned how NOT to be bullied.

Bullies are bad people, but you cannot legislate fairness into existence.

 

One of the problems with bullying today is that schools have no tolerance policies against "violence," so standing up to a bully and/or physically defending oneself gets you the same punishment as the bully, whether on or off campus.

Even back in the 1970s, my parents told me I was not allowed to fight because I was bigger than all the other kids. They didn't want me to be a bully. The problem was, everyone knew I would face endless punishment at home. Long story, but there was little grace in my home and if my parent thought I did something wrong - even if I didn't - I would never hear the end of it or get past the consequences. (Now that I'm 48 years old, my wife still hears about things I allegedly did - many of which I didn't do - that still has consequences in the way my mother relates to me.)

In any case, since everyone knew I could not involve myself in significant retaliation without creating enormous trouble for myself, I got picked on by lots of the smaller kids who needed to beef up their egos. It finally stopped one day in the hall in high school when there were no authority figures around and one of the worst tormentors was going after me. I finally snapped and grabbed the guy by his jacket, picked him up with one hand and slammed him very hard against the lockers. I held him there for a moment off the ground, looked him directly in the eyes, and said "I'm not going to give you another chance - knock it off." I let go and he dropped to the floor. I walked away to taunts that I needed to fight him. I didn't fight (although I would have gotten into quite a bit of trouble with our liberal school if what I did had been reported), but I also didn't get picked on again. No one knew how long my fuse was and they didn't want to find out. I also hadn't realized how strong I was when the adrenaline hits and I kind of surprised myself at the same time.

One of my nephews had trouble with bullying. The local high school is so afraid of violence, you get suspended even for defending yourself. You are supposed to run away and report the problem - which to no one's surprise except for the adults who formulate that policy - is shockingly ineffective.

That nephew committed suicide a few years ago, although it probably wasn't primarily over the bullying, but it didn't help matters either.

 

Bullying is real in every walk of life Ballplayers, school children, lawyers, football coaches, ministers and church members. Its like adultery its here to stay.

 

I'll play your statement here off Salty's post: What, exactly, do you believe constitutes "bullying"? Where is the line drawn?

 

Would you say they are consistent on this ?

 

If you find me being inconsistent on this, point it out.

 

While I do think it's gone overboard in some ways with what it called bullying, we're also looking at bullying in extremes we've not dealt with before and that is pretty mind numbing. Social media has been a horrendous tool in the hands of bullies, who can take photos and videos, photo shop, use them in locker rooms, and instantly put stuff online for the entire school, community, and even the world to see. It can remain there forever, and within minutes, everyone can comment on what they post. Can you imagine being the victim of that, not just feeling like everyone is staring at you and saying stuff, but KNOWING they are and having their comments and words sitting there for you and your family and everyone else to see, over and over, possibly forever?
That could make any normal teenager (and now middle school, as they're joined the ranks in terms of growing up way too fast) go off their rocker in terms of strong emotions. Rage, depression, fear, anxiety, you name it. Just the stress of knowing it could happen must be tough to deal with on a regular basis, going to school and knowing everyone has a smart phone and is ready to use it against you. (or other things that access the internet, many parents and teachers are clueless and don't know their kids are online on an e-reader, an i-pod or other music device, tablets, or on a phone with blocked internet service because they're somewhere with free Wi-Fi, or a friend simply gave them a device to use and they're hiding it from you)

So yes, maybe we were made stronger in our day by dealing with it when we were older, but now there's a whole new class of bullying going on and a whole new level of danger, a new willingness for extreme violence and lack of shame in it. A lot more kids are desensitized to this stuff and even glory in it, take videos so they can watch what they caused over and over and share it with others.

So now we have kids with a lack of guilt and remorse, with a propensity for violence, picking on kids who are not allowed to fight back and don't seem to be taught how to cope, just told to either "tell an adult" or "learn to get along."

How do you start to fix that?

You have to admit, it's not an easy problem.

A school isn't allowed to say "just smack the bully and he/she will stop." They legally cannot turn a blind eye to one person striking another person. Everyone is way too sue happy. While it may be ridiculous, think of it from the school's side. The people who have sued and sued, call them BULLIES, force schools to resort to these ridiculous levels and zero tolerance policies. A kid can't even trip on their own untied shoelace without someone threatening to sue, then people get mad when they ban dodgeball? What do you THINK they're going to do when it comes to kids actually fighting? Of course they're going to be forced into zero tolerance for that, or they're going to go broke with the lawsuits, right?

What would be a reasonable thing for them to do, that would actually work and keep them from getting sued?

It's a good topic.

 

Don't know all the answers, but feel like it lands some place between go tell someone and stick up for yourself. In this case there have been reports of forcing teammates to pay for expensive dinners, $15,000, that they didn't go to - how does that happen? How do you feel justified in asking for such a thing and why in the world would you pay? That says nothing of the the threatening messages and texts being reported.

The accused was a member of the leadership council for the team, seems like an abuse of authority if nothing else. Can easily see this happening in the everyday work place.

 

Yes, much of the reaction to bullying has gone way overboard. But what Incognito did goes way beyond bullying. It is stalking and terroristic threats. He's lucky all he got was kicked off the team. He could be in jail.

 

IMO "bullying" is making someone feel inferior to you either physically or mentally. There are many ways of "bullying" other then fighting.