A Broken Heart

Discussion in '2005 Archive' started by Bible Believing Bill, Apr 18, 2005.

  1. Bible Believing Bill

    Bible Believing Bill
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    My friends I am seeking your guidence, advice, and prayers. This message is posted with a broken heart.

    For those of you who don't know me well let me tell you a little of myself. My wife was saved before I ever met her, and for many years of our marriage I did not attend church and remained unforgiven by the Lord. Then in 2001 by the Grace of God I found that I was in need of Jesus and asked him to forgive me of all my sins. This was not easy for someone who had always seen themself as a good person, and depended upon themself. My wife was very insturmental in leading me to the Lord as were several of our friends.

    My wife had attened our chruch prior to our being married, but because the pastor didn't belive in marrying unequally yolked couples she left the chruch. Shortly before the birth of our daughter in 1999 she began attending this chruch again. It was a Sunday evening in June of 2001 sitting in a pew of this very same chruch that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. We have been happy at this chruch and Jeanne and I (mostly Jeanne) have run VBS for the past three years.

    For the past year there has been a bad spirit about many of the members of our church. There has been gossip and outright lies told about Jeanne. We have seen this decline comming for some time. For some time Jeanne has felt that the Joy of being in he choir had departed. She talked to the choir director several times and was talked into staying in the choir. Recently a new dress code was instituted for the choir and Jeanne felt it was now time to leave the choir. Not becasue she believed the dress code was wrong, but the dress code was vague enough that she didn't want people judging her dress every week to decide if she chould sing or not. Independantly of Jeanne's decision a friend of ours and her daughter also decided to quit the choir.

    Throughout this time we have been praying as to if this was the right church for us or not. Neither of us wanted to leave but there was something wrong.

    Durring a revival service (I know revival isn't simply brought from a visiting preacher, but commom practice calls it a revival) our pastor stood up at the end of service and made some remarks that while not naming names basicly said that Jeanne had been doing wrong and rebelling against God, the chruch and me as her husband. I took a great offense at these remarks and talked to the pastor after service. Basicly in that conversation I told the pastor that many times he had made me examine myself, but that night he offended me for the first time. I straight out asked the paster "What has Jeanne done wrong?" he could not give me an answer. By the end of the conversation pastor apologized to Jeanne and I for what he had said.

    During he rest of that week God was working. Four different people apologized to Jeanne for the gossiping and the lies. Things seemed to be better. That is until tonight.

    After service and fellowship, pastor told Jeanne that he needed to have a meeting with her and two couples in the chruch. He did not specificly tell me to attend or not to attend this meeting. When Jeanne asked him what it was about he would not tell her. I of course attended this meeting and an extra chair had to be set up since I was there.

    We were told that Jeanne was not fit to be a VBS teacher because of her "attitude", and that people would keep there childern away from VBS if she was part of it. This was based on a statement from a 13 yr old boy to his parents. The parents who until tonight I considered friends did not come to us with any concern as a Christian Brother should when they think a Brother or Sister has done something wrong. This couple is one of the friends who set an Great Christian example that helped me to accept the Lord. The pastor did not counsel Jeanne or me he simply said she wasn't fit to be a VBS teacher. He didn't even ask her if what was said was true or not.

    My response was simply "WE'RE DONE". My intent was we are done with this chruch. I had been praying about this before and even though I made that statement in extream anger. Now several hours later I stand by it. I will continue to pray, however I doubt I will change my mind.

    I welcome all advice and comments as my family begins its search for a new chruch home. My heart is broken that it has come to this, however I can not stay at a place where accusations are accepted as fact and the accused is not even given an opportunity defend themself.

    Those of you who know me feel free to PM me if you like.


    Bill
     
  2. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob
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    Bill, you have met with the pastor and now with witnesses. If he still will not do right, it should be taken to the whole church (Mt 18 policy).

    Of course, this is NOT going to happen. You could ask for it, but I give you 99.9% that it will not be allowed.

    God sometimes has to slam doors really hard to get us to follow him out of our comfort zone. It appears (from your story shared here) that this is what is happening.

    The next thing that OFTEN happens is a bitterness and total loss of effectiveness for God if a person DOES stay. I would simply find a place to heal - maybe a drive away, not a church in the immediate Rockford area.

    Then, as God calms your hearts and gives you His peace and joy, search for a new church in your area where you can effectively minister.

    [email protected] is my addy if you'd like to talk off board.
     
  3. blackbird

    blackbird
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    Bill---over the past several years on the board you have been an inspiration to me and more than a few times you have encouraged me in my ministry.

    I want to admonish you and lift you up this morning as a brother in the Lord Jesus Christ. I heard a preacher once who was asked what his favorite verse in the Bible was----his reply was:

    "And it came to pass"

    Dr. Bob has given perhaps the best practical advise(don't cha just love him???? Really!!!) and if I were giving advise I would simply "Amen!!" his!!

    Hang in there, Brother!! Take care of that wife of yours---that's your first priority---to love her as your own body----and to be the savior of her body as Jesus is the savior of the church!!

    All of the above is what I would do---and not hesitate a "Illinois" second to do it!!!

    Bro. David
     
  4. csmith

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  5. dianetavegia

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    Bro. Bill, I'm so very sorry to hear about this. I know your heart must be broken this morning. May I share this thought...

    We've heard it said that Christian Growth is like swimming upstream: If you’re not working at it, you’ll just drift downstream with all the other dead fish. There is no sitting still. We can get to get to a point where we feel “comfortable” with our Salvation and our relationship with Christ, and then just “sit.” Reminds me of Peter at the Transfiguration, “Hey…this is GREAT! I'll set up some tents for everyone, and we’ll just stay here? Won’t that be great?” But Peter had a LOT of work to do ahead of him; he just didn’t know it at the time.

    That’s how we are. We settle in, feel at home and begin to stagnate or drift backwards! In Hebrews he warns that if we’re not carefully attentive to what God has in store for us, we’ll drift away.

    Hebrews 2:1 Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.

    I agree with Dr. Bob and Blackbird that it may just be time to swim upstream.

    PRAYING right now for you and Jeanne and the whole family.

    Diane
     
  6. robycop3

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    If you KNOW, by the BIBLE, that you & your family have done no wrong against that church, then the problem lies elsewhere and it's time to move on.

    Yes, I know it can be tough, especially if you've attended that church for years & havew many friends there, but I'd be quite dubious about a pastor who refuses to discuss a problem he perceives within his flock.

    It appears that one church's loss is gonna be another church's gain, as I've seen by your posts that you & yours are truly part of God's family. Many churches are begging for choir members and VBS teachers, so pray for Him to lead you to the church HE wants you in, & I'm sure they'll welcome you with open arms.
     
  7. Thankful

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    I'm so sorry that you and Jeanne are going through this. You have been given great advice.

    What a wonderful husband you are to stand up for your wife! I think God has your attention and I know that you will follow Him. Serve Him where you are needed. He will direct your path.

    Please do not let this make you bitter. Do not dwell on it, but take the advice of the pastors on this Board.
     
  8. TaterTot

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    Shake the dust off your feet and dont look back. You have tried the best you can to resolve the issues. Sounds like leagalism at its worst.
     
  9. exscentric

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    Well, you have learned something - when you hear similar stories you won't be surprised at the way "Christians" behave :) AND after you have come through this you can sit down and encourage the daily light out of someone in the future that seems to be in a similar situation.

    Many of us have seen similar situations and it never ceases to amaze me how Bible believing people can side step all that they know and condemn without basis.

    Just don't let it get you down or sit and stew in it for ages, just go on knowing that God is at your side even if others aren't. Not that it is easy not succombing to a turmoil in the thought life - you will need to consciously keep your mind on the Lord's things. Did I just say that? The guy that spends days in the dumps when someone mistreats me! Guess we all side step what we know to be best at times :)

    During similar hard times I found and gave a card to my wife. On the front was a picture of the world on the backs of a tiny couple. Inside it read, It's you and me against the world Babe!

    Not to say that we both didn't know it was really God that was holding up the world, we were just bent over trying to do our part :)
     
  10. Bible Believing Bill

    Bible Believing Bill
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    Thanks to everyone for their support.

    When Dr. Bob said that sometimes God slams a door to get us out of our comfort zone it made me realize that is what happened here. I was comfortable and didn't want to leave, well it appears God had other plans for my family.

    I had to work last night and could't to church, but Jeanne and the kids went to a church were some other family members attend. They loved it. My kids want me to commit to this chruch NOW. They don't understand that I havn't even been there yet. I don't plan on rushing into joining another chruch for awhile, but wouldn't it be great if the first place we visited turned out to be the one.

    Please keep my family in your prayers as we continue to heal from this situation.


    Bill
     
  11. dianetavegia

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    That's neat Bill! Will YOU be able to go on Sunday to check it out too?

    God Bless!
    Diane
     
  12. csmith

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    Bill, just curious: what is your time frame for joining another church? What would you consider "rushing"?

    I am not being critical--just wondering what is in your mind after an incident like this.
     
  13. av1611jim

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    Bill;
    I, too, Amen Dr. B's advice.
    I will add something though.
    As you are searching out a new congregation to fellowship with, you might privately talk to the pastor of the prospective church. When you do you might in general terms briefly outline the situation and ask him how HE would have handled it. Be very careful not to be condemning or bitter. His answer might tell you if you are jumping into another potential fire.

    Also, be very careful to learn of their "faith and practice" so that you will have a good picture of what you are leading your family into.

    I pray that you will trust the Holy Spirit to guide you. As you know, it is your responsibility to lead your family. Part of that leadership is lonely sometimes. You obviously have the support of many here, and we will continue to support you brother.
    God bless you and yours as you find a new arena for ministry.

    In HIS service;
    Jim
     
  14. chipsgirl

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    Bill I agree with Bob's comment about God slamming that door. There is a reason for it. You are better suited elsewhere. I'll pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you to the right place. I have learned that not everyone in church is good. The devil works in weird ways and sometimes uses the church against us.
     
  15. Bible Believing Bill

    Bible Believing Bill
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    Actually Diane I can't go Sunday because we will be in St. Louis visiting my parents, and will attend a chruch that we usually go to when in the area.

    As far as the time frame goes I haven't set an exact time in my mind. Generally I belive it will be at least a several months. First off I want to make sure what we see in initial visits is how the chruch really behaves. I would like to get to know some of the members before becomming a member of myself. My work schedule makes it difficult for me to attend regullary. I usually make only 1 service a week, sometimes two and rarely all 3. However Jeanne and the kids are usually in all three. Even if I like this chruch as much as Jeanne and the kids do I will want to visit a few other chruches before making a final decision. I would hate to miss a GREAT chruch because I settled for a Good church.

    Jim you are absoutly correct in that I want to know how the Pastor would handle a similar situation. Obviosuly I don't want to go through it again, and I would hate to watch anyone else go through the same thing.

    Jeanne and I have agreed that we are not going to talk about the specifics of what happened because we don't want the bitterness to build up in us. If we go around bad mouthing other Christians then even though what we say is true we are still not displaying a good Christian attitude. I certianlly don't want to do to someone else what was done to me and my family.

    Bill
     
  16. av1611jim

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    Bill;
    Based on your posts so far, you will be just fine. [​IMG]

    In HIS service;
    Jim
     

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