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A cruel comment by a teenage church member

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Seth&Mattsmom, May 14, 2006.

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  1. Seth&Mattsmom

    Seth&Mattsmom New Member

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    I am sitting here just so down about this. Maybe I should have said something. But I was shocked at how fast I started crying, so I really couldn't say anything.

    Some of you may remember I have a developmentally delayed 4 year old. Today we went to our church's annual picnic. My son was acting up a little, and didn't like me telling him what to do. He left the food line and curled up in a ball on the sidewalk to hide his face from me. There were 4 young teenage boys behind us, joking around with each other. They were telling each other how "dumb" the other one was. "This rock is smarter than you", "you have sheep brains". Well, then one pointed at my son, and said, "this kid has a higher IQ than yours."

    My first cruel comment that I have had to bear. I expected it one day, but NOT from a fellow church member. Not from a kid I speak to every Sunday.

    The first thing I must do is forgive this boy. How hard it is to forgive a church member over a non-member!! But...should I say anything? DO I tell him that God made my child, and to insult him is to poke fun at what God made? I feel weird confronting a teenager, but so much of me hurts to just let it go and not tell him! How would you have handled this? :confused:
     
    #1 Seth&Mattsmom, May 14, 2006
  2. Joseph_Botwinick

    Joseph_Botwinick <img src=/532.jpg>Banned

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    It depends on what their parents are like. If this is not a representation of who his parents are and they would be righteously indignant about the remark, I think I would talk to them first and see if we could handle it through them. If they are enablers or jerks, I think I would confront the kid personally.

    Joseph Botwinick
     
    #2 Joseph_Botwinick, May 14, 2006
  3. Rachel

    Rachel New Member

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    That is terrible! [​IMG] I'm so sorry that happened.
    I have no idea what I would have done or if I would say anything... Kids can be cruel and not even realize when they are, at times.

    God bless y'all [​IMG]
     
    #3 Rachel, May 14, 2006
  4. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Teenagers are not adults and will act like adults one time and less than kids another time. Do not take such things personally.
     
    #4 gb93433, May 14, 2006
  5. tinytim

    tinytim <img src =/tim2.jpg>

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    I think that the teen needs to know that what he/she said was not appropriate. You of course know this teen better than we...was this out of character for him? Or did this totally surprise you out of him..

    I remember saying some dumb things when I was a teen, only later to regret it.

    Go to them, and let them know it hurt you.
     
    #5 tinytim, May 14, 2006
  6. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory New Member

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    The teen may have been referring to the child as a child in general, and not as one who is developmentally challenged. Much like telling your teenager, "You're acting like a four year old".
     
    #6 Hope of Glory, May 14, 2006
  7. Bro Tony

    Bro Tony New Member

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    Wow! I sure the lady is really appreciative of your sensitivity and non-judgemental attitude. :(

    Bro Tony
     
    #7 Bro Tony, May 14, 2006
  8. Seth&Mattsmom

    Seth&Mattsmom New Member

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    This teen knows my son is special needs. That is why it hurt so much. And I do not expect a 13 year old to behave as an adult. I even made some stupid "retard" jokes when I was that age. But no one ever told me how wrong it was, and now...and now I look back and HOW I wish I could have taken every one of those stupid comments back! That is the part of me that wants to tell him. The rest of me wants to forgive and forget.

    I know I am really sensitive when it comes to my little boy. Sometimes I let my proctective bubble get too thick.
     
    #8 Seth&Mattsmom, May 14, 2006
  9. Joseph_Botwinick

    Joseph_Botwinick <img src=/532.jpg>Banned

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    #9 Joseph_Botwinick, May 14, 2006
  10. Pipedude

    Pipedude Active Member

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    Although your pain is real, it might help to realize that the teen meant nothing unkind by his remark. Nothing, that is, regarding your child. Obviously he was trying to be unkind toward the one he was insulting, but that is how boys play. (Big boys, too, up to a point.)

    I agree with the others that the teen needs to learn that such remarks are off limits. The truths you mention in your post can be taught without reference to your pain.

    "Elmo, I know you didn't mean any harm, but you need to know the right way to think about special kids like mine, and you need to think about the feelings of those of us who love and care for them."
     
    #10 Pipedude, May 14, 2006
  11. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    I agree with Pipedude.
     
    #11 Scarlett O., May 14, 2006
  12. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory New Member

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    I would agree with Pipedude, but I may be accused of being insensitive and judgmental.

    Seth&Mattsmom was looking for a way to forgive. I was simply trying to point out that it may not have been intended to be an insensitive remark.
     
    #12 Hope of Glory, May 14, 2006
  13. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Do all three.
     
    #13 gb93433, May 14, 2006
  14. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    Now I agree with gb93433.
     
    #14 Scarlett O., May 14, 2006
  15. Bro Tony

    Bro Tony New Member

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    Hope,

    I have to ask your forgiveness. I misread your post to say that you were calling her a 4 year old. I sincerely apologize as I have re-read it and mis-spoke. Now I will just sit over here&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;while pulling my foot out of my mouth.

    Bro Tony
     
    #15 Bro Tony, May 14, 2006
  16. StefanM

    StefanM Well-Known Member
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    *Post no longer needed*
     
    #16 StefanM, May 14, 2006
  17. Bro Tony

    Bro Tony New Member

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    I know that now Stefan and I have apologized in my last post. Sorry to all for my mis-reading and bad response because of that.

    Bro Tony
     
    #17 Bro Tony, May 14, 2006
  18. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    *erased my post*

    OK, nevermind.
     
    #18 Scarlett O., May 14, 2006
  19. StefanM

    StefanM Well-Known Member
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    I agree with gb. IMO, you shouldn't go out of your way to confront the boy, though. I also wouldn't suggest telling the parents unless absolutely necessary. It might seem vindictive, especially when a simple comment directly to the boy would suffice.
     
    #19 StefanM, May 14, 2006
  20. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory New Member

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    No apologies are needed for a simple error, with no intent involved.

    On this same vein, that's why I think that there may have been no ill intent involved on behalf of the teens.

    I imagine that if it has crossed his mind what it seems like he was saying, and he may be mortified.
     
    #20 Hope of Glory, May 14, 2006
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