A new baptist denom. that will draw millions

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Dallasdid, Sep 2, 2003.

  1. Dallasdid

    Dallasdid
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    Back Row Baptist
    Our Doctrin
    1.If you sit on the front your overly relegious
    2.food after every service
    3.no church meeting shall last more than 40 minutes
    4.on sundays where football games start early church will be cancelled.
    5.Where what you want
    6.the pews will have TV monitors that show top scores and high lights.
    7.Cell phone holders on each pew.
     
  2. Ed Edwards

    Ed Edwards
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    Sadly, there is a church in my
    town like that. :eek: It doesn't advertize being "baptist" though.
     
  3. gb93433

    gb93433
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    There is a church in Indiana that each week hands out coupons and prizes to get people to come. And it has more people than it once did. The sermons are sugary sweet.
     
  4. Taufgesinnter

    Taufgesinnter
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    Apostolic practice was for every service to be a meal: http://www.scrollpublishing.com/store/lovefeast.html
     
  5. Jim1999

    Jim1999
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    A few years back a chap wrote a book titled: The Comfortable Pew. I suppose that church has arrived.......Sad!

    I always thought I failed when people said: Nice sermon; I enjoyed your sermon.......

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  6. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob
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    Let me play Devil's Advocate for a minute. Don't our churches NOW "coddle" and "accomodate" the believers now.

    Does your church have heat/air conditioning way beyond what is necessary to make people feel more comfortable?
    Does your church have padded pews/chairs?
    Does your church have special musical programs, films, speakers, events that are designed to bring folks in?
    Does your church have coffee/donuts at SS hour and many pot lucks?
    Does your church have generally agreed on time limits that are seldom violated?
    Does your church not have "convenient" times for services? Our PM service moved from 8 pm to 7 pm to 6 pm so people could have fellowship (and others not miss Sunday night Football). And a business meeting and no pm service on Super Bowl Sunday.

    TVS and cell phones are not far off it a typical ifb church.
     
  7. HeDied4U

    HeDied4U
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    Just give me a La-z-boy with a cup holder instead of a pew, and I'll be all set :D :D

    If the sermon gets too boring, I can kick back and take a short snooze, and no one will be none the wiser [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Seriously though, there have been times when cell phones have gone off during the service, and it is just irratating as heck. How did mankind ever survive before the cell phone was invented. It got to be so bad that our bulletins have a notice asking that people either turn their cell phones off, or have it set to vibrate so as to not disturb those who are actually interested in the sermon.

    God Bless!!!

    Adam [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  8. Ed Edwards

    Ed Edwards
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    Yes, but then how do you
    tell the difference between those that
    just got vibrated and those that
    was touched by the hand of the Lord? :confused:
     
  9. Dallasdid

    Dallasdid
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    If they have a vibrating cell phone or pager hat is powerful enough to make them move like a charismatic maybe they should get a new phone or pager i think anyway. But it is sad, people have no respect to turn them off they have to be told. And the next thing is crying babies ahhhh one church i went to every service i kid you not had crying babies the whole time kids screaming it was horrible it drove me crazy.
     
  10. MissAbbyIFBaptist

    MissAbbyIFBaptist
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    When I read this topic, immediatly at least three Baptist churches in my town came to mind that are almost to this position.
    Prehaps they should name this new branch of Baptist "Laodician Baptists" ya think? :eek:
    Seriously, it is sad that churches are getting closer and closer to what tha joke talks about.
    ~Miss Abby
    Proverbs 31:30 [​IMG]
     
  11. HeDied4U

    HeDied4U
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    quoted by Ed...

    Good one Ed!! [​IMG] [​IMG]

    God Bless!!!

    Adam [​IMG]
     
  12. GODzThunder

    GODzThunder
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    HeHe that reminds me. I attended an Independent Fundamental Baptist Bible College, and in our practice preaching class one of the students, while preaching his sermon had a cell phone go off. The professor made a rant over the irretation of cell phones in the Church service and how he hated all the times one went off in the middle of his preaching.

    Just then, the professor's cell phone went off (he had it on that night because a family member was in the ICU at the local hospital). It was not even an emergency call from his family, it was a wrong number HEHE.

    It was God's way of telling him that he ranted and raved a little toolong on the subject that night.
     

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