A set time

I don't know if this is what you are asking about, but I've been clinging to many verses of late. Isaiah 61:1-4 NASB has been among them.

Is this the favorable year of the Lord? I don't know. I do know it's the year He has chosen to break down the ancient ruins in my life - that begin for me in my childhood and go back, I don't know how many generations. It's a journey I'd rather not have started on and would rather not finish, but I'm clinging to the fact that He WILL be glorified. AND I will be free from captivity.

So, I'm not of any help, I know. But you are not alone in your pruning.

 

This ain't about me, because I don't think I deserve anything from anyone. I'm a certified you-know-what in character and life.
But this is about my wife.
My wife whom I have wronged greatly in those days when I quit going to church and fellowshipping with saints, wronged in ways you can only probably read about in novels.
She raised our kids when I should have been there but wasn't, eking out a pitiful living as a seamstress, missed meals so our kids can eat, walked miles to and from a customer so she can save the fare, and she and my children slept in a 20'x20' room which served as bedroom, living room, and dining room, with a small black and white 13" tv and a small battery powered transistor radio as the only means of entertainment.
And throughout all these she remained faithful to her Savior, faithful to me, never spoke ill of me to our children, and when all the whipping and the chastising from the Master finally broke me and sent me back to my family, she welcomed me as if nothing happened ! As if nothing happened !
As if I didn't walk out on them for 12 years !!

Well, not only did God bring back her family to her, God brought her here to the land of the free and the home of the brave, where she sleeps on a mattress and bed, eats three square meals a day, earns enough money to satisfy her needs and wants, and rides a car to work each day. She has seen places which in our country we only see in films and tv. She has met, dined and made friends with people she never even thought she would meet, dine with, and make friends with.

Her life reminds me of Job.

Emptied, hurt, and then filled.

 

1. Right now, I'm reading Ravi Zacharias' new book The Grand Weaver: How God Shapes Us Through the Events of Our Lives. Here's an apt quote:

"His[God] design for your life pulls together every thread of your existence into a magnificient work of art."

2. A lot of things do not make sense right now, but the Grand Weaver is at work, creating a wonderful end product (James 5:11). Hang in there.

 

That was a wonderful post.

 

As Scarlett frequently does - give us wonderful insights.

I do think that pruning is part of life. It is part of what keeps us healthy.

 

dear emeraldctyangel,

I was in the hospital recovering from the (at the time) world's youngest total knee replacement, in my mid-twenties, when a friend gave me Phillip Keller's book, "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23".

Yes, I highly, highly recommend this book, but that aside, there is something I want to mention which I learned from it.

The "table" the shepherd prepares is not one with plates and silverware, but rather the mountain ranges, the table lands, where the sheep will graze for the summer. The shepherd goes up in the spring to remove noxious weeds and make sure the water springs are running clear.

Then, in late spring he leads his flock up. And they must travel through the ravines, where the water is, to get there. These ravines are, indeed, valleys of the shadows of death, for storms can sweep in suddenly, and predators are on the lookout for strays. The shepherd has his hands full, but this is still the safest and surest way to the rich greenness of the table lands.

And so Christ leads us, also, through these valleys. Sometimes there is a real death involved, such as there was with your precious son, and sometimes the death is only a constant threat, or the death of dreams or finances, or whatever. But if we are to reach those tablelands safely, we must stick VERY close to our beloved Shepherd.

In July of 1991 my husband of nineteen years walked out on me and our six children, five of whom are adopted special case kids. Just left. Never looked back, did not keep in contact with them. I trudged through that deep, dark valley for nine years as a single parent with some very difficult medical problems presented by these children. I think I cried the entire first year.

In 1998 I was doing some science proofing for authors to help them get their publications ready for submission to major science journals. One fellow I had heard of and deeply respected asked me to look over his article and I refused. He was in physics, astronomy and geology and my best fields were in biology and genetics. He finally pursuaded me. He was 12,000 miles away in Australia, so I figured I was safe. Phone calls from him increased and gradually be became wonderful friends.

I became Mrs. Barry Setterfield seven years ago this month. Out of the ravine? Out of the valley of the shadow of death? Oh my yes! I won't go into all the details, but I never thought life could be like this, or a marriage, ever. I thank God daily.

But I don't know if I would appreciate Barry as much as I do had I not had the experience before. God knew what He was doing. He knew what He was allowing. It was years of pain I would never wish on my worst enemy, but God knew what He was doing and I am grateful now.

NNE can replace your son. But please keep in mind your son has only 'moved.' He has only changed residences. You will see him again in heaven and all will be well. Every tear will be gone.

Hold on to the Lord in faith. Know that He truly does know what He is doing. And He loves you far, far more than you know. Pray often and be willing to be silent often, listening. Stay close to Him and you will safely arrive on the mountain top, where it is lush and the waters clear and crystal.

He is faithful.

 

My life has played out quite the opposite. I walked in the season of favor for years. All I had to do was walk through the right doors and God blessed.

Until a couple of years ago when I felt the years of God's "non-favor" came into my life. Yet now as I sort through things, I know that God's seasonings only put me deeper into the knowledge of His Sovereignty and love for me. I lost a lot of things--my father, a job that I loved, a lot of relationships.

I hurt.

But in that time of pain, I know God was stripping me and bringing me away from complacency to the knowledge that He is God, He loves me, and knows me and strives to deepen that relationship.

Indeed, when the season ends, I look forward to the next!

 

Before you read any other book (other than the Bible) you need to read Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. Trust me. Just get it and read it.

 

I am so sorry you lost a child. I cannot imagine that kind of pain, but I think you are in a good company of folks who understand pain and the need to cling to the Father. Stay faithful, as hard as it is. Sometimes we have to look for the blessings and the favor - they are there.

Here is a passage that I cling to in my times of hurting.

from Lamentations 3

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

 

One thing I read at the start of my turmoil that helped me is David Jeremiah's Life Wide Open.

 

You are always favored by God. You possess the righteousness of Christ. God can do nothing but respond positively to His own righteousness.

So the question isn't, if you are a believer, am I lacking the favor of God? That is impossible. The believer always has the favor of God.

Your season is Christ. That is your season. Not your surroundings or the events in your life.

Suppose you were a man sentenced to life in prison in a super-max prison. Can that man have the favor of God? Of course, by being saved. But his condition isn't going to change. He will die there. Even more so the man on death row. Many men have become saved and executed....with the favor of God.

History records great grief never relieved for many believers. Tremendous suffering without relief. Should they conclude they did not have the favor of God? God forbid, they were His and in Christ they have His immesurable and eternal favor.

You are places have have never been. You are in Christ. No human apart from a believer and certainly NO ANGEL has ever been so privileged.

There is no mediocrity in Christ. None.

Now some Preachers and many believers will convince you that unless you are experiencing "Moses on the Mountain Top" events, you have entered the world of hum drum Christianity where the "favor" of God is absent. How ludicrous.

Or they may wish to convince you that unless you are at some financial, social or emotional point of heightened personal benefit that God is not blessing you and you are not favored. Balderdash.

Be confident in the promises of God not the wanting evaluations of others who wish to impose on the world their own life's experiences as the standards of God's blessing.

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil".

Your normal grief of loss may last a long time. This is not evidence of a lack of abundance in life or in God. It is evidence of love for a child.

Your questions are:

Are you focused on growing spiritually?

Are you doing what you can do to enhance your own life without demanding from God what He was given you the responsibility for and capacity to do?

 

I have to ask you if you went through grief counseling after your loss. I ask because I am CURRENTLY going through a Christian-based group grief-recovery session, as well as individual counseling sessions with a Christian counselor specializing in grief issues. Although I have had my share of "seasons" of both favor and pain and thought I had dealt with the issues of loss surrounding those seasons, I am learning a LOT in these sessions--particularly the GROUP sessions.

The first thing they "taught us" in these grief sessions is that NNE knows what your pain feels like--even if they lost a child, too. Your pain and loss are unique to you, because no one has your particular set of life circumstances. Your loss cannot and should not be compared to anyone else's--because it is YOURS. And you have THE RIGHT TO FEEL YOUR PAIN--in fact, NOT feeling your pain would, in a sense, deny the love you felt for your child.

The second thing they "taught us" was that you can and must be honest with God--He already knows how you feel anyway. He knows you hurt; He knows you're lost and searching; He knows you're tired; He knows it all. And I'm guessing that He also knows that you have a LOT of anger still....and I say that because you expressed it STRONGLY in your post back to Scarlett. And, you know, it's "okay" for you to feel that anger, too. God can "take it"--He is the same God who listened as all the saints from the Old and New Testaments told Him over and over again how hurt and lost and scared and hopeless THEY felt.

It's been a long time...maybe you feel like you should "be over" your season of pain and "into" your season of favor by now....but that's probably because of everything everyone has told you trying to make you feel better by denying your very real pain. In my group sessions, there is a couple that lost their child NINE years ago. They are JUST NOW going through therapy because they are hurting in a way similar to what you describe.....and notice I said "similar to", because I cannot compare their pain to yours. I don't know how you feel...I don't KNOW how THEY feel, either. I just know they express pain and hurt that is gut-wrenching to experience as we go through these sessions. And I know they express a strong, strong desire for their season of favor as well.

My own seasons of pain have been --still are--very long. I've been in the midst of this current "sad season" now for over five years. There was one big loss of one kind or another on an almost monthly basis, culminating in the death of my husband last year, and other losses keep piling on top of that. I have had no time to recover or properly grieve each individual loss before another one hit. I kept busy during most of that time out of necessity, because I had to daily care for my husband. Now that he is gone, I struggle daily to find a reason why God has chosen to keep me here on earth without him.

I am blessed with fabulous friends and several family members that love and support me unconditionally, and I take heart in the comfort they have brought me. And, like Scarlett mentioned, I DO look for the little joys to get me through each day, because I literally would have died of heartache by now without those little bits of joy God has given to me all along the way. But I reached a point a couple of months ago where I knew I needed some serious assistance to help me deal with the tremendous sense of loss and purposelessness I am feeling. These grief counseling sessions are something I strongly recommend. It is NOT weakness or evidence of lack of faith in God if you turn to "professional" support--in fact, I am thanking God daily for these people He is surrounding me with now through which HE is speaking and readying me for what I hope will be MY "season of favor" when it is my time.

God bless you as you deal with this.