A young mans responsibility

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by trumpet01, Jan 31, 2007.

  1. trumpet01

    trumpet01
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    This is my first post, so if this is the wrong place I'm sorry. Biblically,if an 18 year old man gets his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant what is his responsibility. I feel that they need to get married,but what does the bible say? Thanks and God bless<><
     
  2. Helen

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    The Bible says you shouldn't have sex before you are married, that's what it says!

    However, in view of the situation you have mentioned, first, do NOT abort the baby! That's adding murder to the problem.

    Second, consult both sets of parents and ask for advice. The young man and woman are too young to get married, but the baby needs a home.

    Third, they need to stop having sex NOW and re-establish themselves as moral and dependable people.

    The young man's responsibility is to be supportive of his girlfriend during the pregnancy and delivery, taking care of at least half of the costs involved, and that includes supplies for the infant.
     
  3. guitarpreacher

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    I pretty much agree with Helen. You know the old cliche - 2 wrongs don't make a right. If marriage wasn't a good idea before the pregnancy, it's probably not a good idea now.

    And I'll stress, there's no such thing as an illegitimate child. It may a surprise to the parents, but it's not a surprise to God. This child to be raised in the best possible circumstances, and that means some very young people have to make some very grown up decisions. Praying here they have a good support system around them.
     
  4. El_Guero

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    The couple is old enough to get married. It is only in the last 40 years that we have decided that 18 year olds were to be treated like children and now they act like children.

    But, that is a different topic . . . .

    Yes, there are passages (OT) that indicate they 'should' marry. But, the question I would ask about a pastor would be something like:

    "Are you both committed to marriage? You are committed to the child, but I want to know are you committed to family? Are you both committed to God? Are both of you saved? Are you willing to submit to biblical authority and be mentored by a godly (& mature) couple?"
     
  5. PastorSBC1303

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    Could you please share these passages?
     
  6. DeeJay

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    It is my opinion that you have an obligation to your new family to marry the girl. A marrage can work, if you work hard every day to make it work. It may be harder, but you already made your decition about what woman you would be with. Now it is your responsablility to make the marrage work. And even if you find "the perfict woman" and marry her, you still have to work hard to make it last. Make it last with this woman.

    Be prepaired though, it is difficult. I was married at 19, going on 13 years now. Both of you will change who you are several times as you continue to grow up.

    I think you owe it to your child to raise him/her in a family that is bound together and commited to each other. Your lives are no longer about what you both want and what you both would like. Your lives are about what is best for you child.
     
  7. gb93433

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    She is considered a minor. The 18 year old is considered an adult.
     
  8. Scarlett O.

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    DeeJay,

    That sounds ideal, but I have seen far too many young people in this predicament who get married soley because she is pregnant and neither they nor their parents help them work on their marriage.

    They plan a wedding and get ready for a baby (in that order) but seldom do they ever prepare for a marriage.

    So if a divorce is going to follow in less than 3 years anyway, why marry?

    Unless, that is, if the preparing for the baby comes second to the preparing for the marriage and preparing for the wedding comes in at dead last.
     
  9. robertkyxiota

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    Actually in bible times they probobly would have both been stoned. :BangHead: Anyway what everyone else has said is good advice as well.
     
  10. exscentric

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    "what does the bible say?"

    Maybe this will get a list going, or not.

    Deut.22.28 If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
     
  11. DHK

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    I don't know what passages he may be thinking of, but the two that often come to my mind are:
    When Jacob left home he was 78, and then he got married shortly thereafter.
    Isaac waited until he was 40 before he was married.
    Don't know if that will help the situation any though. :)
     
  12. I Am Blessed 24

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    Now you're wondering what the Bible has to say???

    If you didn't love her enough to marry her, you shouldn't have slept with her, (Biblically you shouldn't have slept with her anyway) but since you have and she is having your child - marry her.

    Biblically, IMO, you are already married, but a civil service would be nice.

    Young marriages work out just as often as older marriages. The love, and Godly counsel, is what makes it work - not the age...

    If you choose not to marry her, your obligation would be to support, and guide your child, financially, physically, and spiritually until the child is of age.

    There are too many men stepping down from their responsibility and leaving the girl to raise their child on her own.

    Instead of asking strangers on the Internet what the Bible says - go to your Pastor.

    I think you already know what the right thing to do is, but you seem to be looking for a way out. It's a little late for that...

    I know this is blunt and may sound harsh, but you asked and that's the way I feel.
     
    #12 I Am Blessed 24, Feb 1, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2007
  13. rbell

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    In an era when marriages can be dissolved as quickly as they are created, I think it should not be rushed into.

    I agree with several posters: The couple doesn't "have to" get married. If there is Godly counsel, good support from either family or mature Christians, and a LOT of work, it can work.

    I DO feel, however, and feel that Scripture supports...
    • "Dad" should absolutely be held financially responsible. Making a baby doesn't prove you're a man...but a real man takes care of his responsibilities.
    • If these are Christians, there should be public confession, commitment to accountability, and forgiveness and work toward restoration by the church.
    • Gossip or whispering by church folks should be squashed like a bug.
    • Prayer should be at the forefront of all this.
    I deal with this issue more than I want to...I've seen some abysmal failures after the pregnancy by both young parents; I've seen many marriages fail and a few work; and I've seen our church step up in this difficult time, and watched forgiveness, grace, love, and restoration at work.

    One of my best youth workers today (20 years after the fact) has the OP's testimony, and is in a super marriage. There's hope.
     
  14. El_Guero

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    Sorry, I tho't the OT concept would be rather well known. Excentric posted the one that I remember. Another would be Solomon's daughter and the responce after her brother did the supterfuge thing.

    Was it 'biblical' or 'cultural'. Personally I think it was little of both.

    Regardless, the couple needs to stop doing what they were doing, get right with God, and seek counseling. IMHO.
     
  15. 2 Timothy2:1-4

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    I havent really seen any response to this point that considered the need to rely on God. Being apart and raising this child is not a better solution than being married. It is a difficult one but it should not be exacerbated by failure to get married and raise the child in a godly home.
     
  16. Scarlett O.

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    I can't agree that this is a broad truth. There are too many Godly couples ready to adopt children and too many grandparents who make fine, fine mothers and fathers to their grandchildren. It's tough on them, but they know that the baby is in better hands.

    A teenaged couple doesn't have many of the necessary skills to raise children, let alone build a marriage.

    For people who love each other and are willingly to make a commitment to a marriage, yes, your statement is true. It is better for them, because they do not want to be apart from each other in all of life's ups and downs and it is better for the child because the child gets to be raised by a mother and a father who are working on staying together.

    But for young people who are just having sex together and confusing it with love (or don't really care if it's love) and are pushed into marriage by their parents or the church who want to make everything "look" respectable by the time the baby is born, this farce of a marriage will lead to disaster and divorce.

    I can tell you that divorce has lingering effects children even into adulthood. And the screaming matches and/or silent rages that children have to witness from their parents before the divorce are just as damaging.

    I've seen it enough times to make me sick. In my own family, too. It's as if people somehow think that a preacher saying a few words over a teenaged couple is like sprinkling magic fairy dust over them.

    And here she is about to pop out of her wedding dress that was not meant for a pregnant woman and and here he stands having no job, no real interest in marriage, and no real interest in her. She stands in front of the preacher popping bubble gum and he just rolls his eyes and somehow in the crazy society of ours we believe that the baby will have a secure life because their parents got dress up and said "I do" in a church.

    A wedding does not make a marriage.

    A pregnancy does not make a marriage.

    A whole lot of ingredients that can be found in 1 Corinthians 13 are what makes a marriage. These are ingredients that can only be found in spiritually mature people.

    I do have a first cousin who became pregnant her senior year. The young man married her and the are still together after 16 years and are raising three well-behaved children. Their story, is indeed, the exception to the rule.
     
  17. Helen

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    As an adoptive parent of five, who blesses the women who allowed me to raise these children, let me suggest that option for the young couple.

    No, they should NOT get married because they HAVE to. That law was for theocratic Israel where there was total social support for such a marriage. There is no such thing here and their youth and social pressures will be weighing heavily against them -- marriage is hard enough as it is! Physiologically, a person's brain isn't even finish developing and changing (NOT talking about learning) until about the age of twenty!

    It doesn't matter what it was like forty years ago (my mother married at 25, by the way, and my grandmother at about the same age, so it was most certainly not universal to get married in your teens!), this is not then and the changes have come hard and fast in our culture. Pre-nups presume divorce. Hollywood marriages have a one in ten chance of lasting just two years. And, from what I have read, that time is decreasing.

    It would be lovely if this young couple got married in, say, about five or six years if they still have chosen to love each other.

    In the meantime, they need to finish school, and maybe go to college or get started on a career for the young man at the very least. They need time to establish their own individual relationships with God as adults.

    They certainly need the prayers of their families and churches, if those are possible. The position of the parents is primary in this, which is why I said last night both sets of parents need to be sought for advice. In-laws can destroy a marriage, and often try, whether or not they succeed.

    In the meantime, there is a lovely little baby on the way. And there are literally thousands of couples out there praying to be able to find one to adopt. Finding a solid Christian marriage whose partners are praying for this little one wouldn't be hard.
     
  18. SBCPreacher

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    I do want to add this: I believe that it is the responsibility of the father of this child to provide for the financial needs of this child, not the family of the mother. If this young man was "man enough" to cause this child, then he should be "man enough" to care for this child.

    I am not saying that marriage is required, but God can bless any marriage. My wife and I were both 18 when we married, and this year we'll celebrate our 30th anniversary. It can work. It ain't easy (no marriage is easy), but, by the grace of God, it can work.

    Now for allowing this child to be adopted - it's a wonderful option! If this young couple can't raise this child themeslves (and often that is the case), there are many godly families that would gladly welcome this child.

    One more thing - this is not the unpardonable sin! God stands ready to forgive this sin just like the sin that all of us commit. I've heard it put this way: the only difference between their sin and mine is that their's shows.
     
  19. Scarlett O.

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    Very wise words that we should all take to heart. :applause:

    And not just in the context of unwed mothers. But in the case many socially obvious sins.

    It's those private sins that we think no one knows about but us - and we ignorantly think are therefore null and void - that strikes the match of arrogance and moral superiority in so many christian people and turns us into burning hypocrites.
     
    #19 Scarlett O., Feb 1, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2007
  20. Sularis

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    I am surprised

    How about - The ten commandments were for theocratic Israel.
    (BTW - I do not believe that )

    I am shocked Helen! you usually make such decent posts.

    adoption is certainly a viable and acceptable option, but to dismiss the OT like that is breathtakingly horrific

    and I loved PastorSBC - asking where the passage was that said that they had to get married - it's like woah! Blow my mind!!!

    You break it - you bought it

    Let's face it not as many people go to college or university as we'd like, and they still manage to raise a family. They got it on - they have to pay the consequences - Even if they give the kid up for adoption - they have to get married.

    By removing consequences we have caused our own societal degradation.

    (Divorced and remarried(with the spouse not being dead)) people serving as church leadership. Have premarital sex - and yer only on the hook til she gives birth; then if she doesnt give it up for adoption - that's not yer fault. Faith is being shoved into the toilet full of excrement and being given a "swirlie"

    the guy fulfilled the one of the requirements/rewards of marriage - consumation (being one flesh) - he should get the whole package. No free samples
     
    #20 Sularis, Feb 1, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2007

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