Are we sinning by waiting to marry?

NateT

You are correct. There are many Christian couples who do just what you are referring to.

There really is however a major differance in the mentality of Single and Married people. There is a major bias against Single people today by both the World and the Church. I respect Dr. Mohler but he used poor judgment and this only further causes older Singles to feel like 2nd class members of the Church. There is also the gift of Celibacy that some saints were given such as Jeremiah, John the Baptist and Paul. Paul certaintly embraced the Single Life as one that could be used to glorify God. (1 Cor. 7:32-33) Both the Single Life and the Married are equal and valid lifestyles so long as God is always placed first.

 

As a 25 year old single, celibate, seminary student I have written a lengthy letter to Dr. Mohler in response to his comments on this issue. I won't post it here, but will probably post it on my blog sooner or later (www.preachinjesus.blogspot.com)

I believe Dr. Mohler is wrong in his statement that waiting to get married is a sin. If waiting to get married is a sin than Jacob was in deep in in Genesis 29 when (at the age of 50 or so) he finally got married. Paul himself was single for his entire life and commended singleness and devotion to Christ in 1 Cor 7 (particularly vs. 7 & 35 of that chapter.) Furthermore I suggest it is a wrongheaded to say that marriage is where everyone is complete and where everyone should end up. Not all people are to be married.

There have been many people who have done tremendous works for the Kingdom of God either before they were married or while they lived a life of singleness. Lottie Moon, Annie Armstrong, Augustine of Hippo, Justin Martyr, Paul. Marriage is not the default position of a person.

One of the troubles I have with Dr. Mohler's comments (though I do state as a fact that I find him to be an extremely informed man) is that he begins his talk by saying that in 1900 the average age for marriage was 20 for men and 18 for women. Well in 1900 only 2% of the population was attending college. Today upwards of 60% of the population attends college. (Note that is for college aged people) Even back in 1900 people were still waiting 2 to 3 years outside of high school, the terminus of most of their educational ventures, before getting married. The times have changed, praise God.

I do readily affirm that Dr. Mohler had an excellent point in using Roms 12:1f in his talk. We should be separate from this world and we should do what we can to have a renewed minds and spirits in Christ. We can do this while being single. I look forward to marriage, dearly look forward to that joyful experience of finding and marrying my love for this life. Yet I am not defined by my singleness nor my marriage. I am defined by my relationship with Christ.

It isn't a sin to stay single late into your twenties.

 

In reading the article, I was under the impression that Dr. Mohler is not railing so much against the unattached single as he is those who maintain long exclusive dating relationships. Long relationships like that tend to lead to temptation and innapropriate familiarity. The point I thought he was making is we find the "right one," but then wait for just the right circumstances- money, education, etc... and put ourselves through unnecessary physical and emotional duress.

Also, just for the record- I got married at age 23 and my wife at age 19. We both graduated from college after that, and have been happily married for 9 1/2 years. Seeing what many of my fellow Bible College students went through being single (and living in the dorms), I wouldn't trade one minute of it for the experience I had as a married student.

 

Read the transcript of his talk:

http://www.familylife.com/fltoday/default.asp?id=7402

Might clear up any questions

 

Thanks for the link. I will say it again, Mohler is out of touch in his remarks in defining Christian Singles. In other Words with all due respect to him, I Don't Think He Knows What He is Talking About.

I think his speech can be dangerous and harmful to many Christian singles. It is pop psychology with a little scripture tossed in.

Rainey's advice is better and more balanced in he does mention there is a gift of singleness though most of the people who are selling out to chasing the World are actually young married people.

Most single people are not single because they prefer it that way. That is what Mohler and Rainey imply and they both are wrong.

 

I get the impression that we should be sending the message that our children should marry for the sake of getting married. That, imo, borderlines on mocking the marital covenant. Buy hey, I'm 38 and single, so what do I know?

 

Yeah I posted my letter on my blog. Should be interesting to see if I get a response.

 

There's no min-max age for marriage set in the Bible. Mary was likely in her early teens. We'd call that pedophelia today. This is one place where maritacl customs are definitely societal. </font>[/QUOTE]I think you're right there, johnv. I'd say Sarai was definitely very young, maybe very early teens, as well as some women in the Bible.

Artimaeus said:

Notice, however, that the scripture you quoted was specific as to gender, ".....a man". I think this says a lot.

The man is ultimately responsible to God for the way he leads and raises his family, not the woman. Note that God held Adam responsible for the disobedience which initially was Eve's.

The man is responsible to his wife and his family, he is responsible for their shelter, food, upbringing.

Nate T said:

But, Nate, what Dr. Kohler is doing is he is saying something which is just as unbiblical. There is nothing in the Bible that says men and women must marry. In fact, Paul said, if men could be as he is, unmarried, that will be ideal, but, if not, then marry rather than burn in desire and sin.

However, the Bible says that if a man marry a woman, then he must provide for his family, otherwise, that man is worse than an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8 -But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.).

In ancient times when the pressure on the man and his family were limited, yes, marriage at an early age, as soon as you can, is a-okay.

But today's times ?

Gee. Beginning at the lower grades in school, you are taught to save money for this or that or budget your stuff for this or that. I mean, the whole culture, education, and society is geared towards materialism, and there is no way one can rush to marriage and discount the demands of today's economy and the practicality of stabilizing one's career before marriage, unless one wants to marry and git himself a homestead and farm and do stuff like the good ole' days.

It'll be easy to say, well, y'know, 'the just shall live by faith'. But, hey, tell that to pastors and ministers who still have to hold a job, or to Christians in Iowa or wherever it was that was shown on TV lined up with their food stamps.

Besides, if that is what God intended for His people, you know, He woulda said also, "okay, sit back, and I'll take care of everything for you all, just look for the partners I created for you, and marry them, and leave the rest to me."

But, he said, work. work. work. Provide for your own. And in this competitive and stressful society and culture we have, there is simply no way right thinking Christian parents will push their children to early marriage.

My two bits.

 

Mohler doesn't understand historical biblical marriage. The man and woman prepared a home and got ready to get married. They got ready for the real respopnsibilities that were ahead. The built a home and furnished the home before they were married.

Even Laura Schlessinger would say to him that the man and woman should not get married until the couple are ready to make a home and adequately provide for that home and children. That means get a job and work. One of the greatest stresses in a home is the lack of financial preparation.

Marriage is not just about a man and woman living with each other but building a home together.

 

One thing that's not being taken into account is where Dr. Mohler said these things. The New Attitude Conference was started by Joshua Harris, the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl. Here is a quote from his latest book, Not Even A Hint, dealing with the topic of lust. This particular quote is the conclusion of Chapter 6, dealing with the subject of masturbation:

Again, I believe Dr. Mohler is warning against the dangers of directionless dating, or establishing relationships with no real or clear intent of marriage.

 

One of the reasons for the later date of marriage is that there is a new custom in the United States of living together for a time before getting married.

 

Oh, Dear Lord! I have been sinning for 40 years. Someone, help me turn from my wicked ways!!!

 

Actually, that's not correct. Couples who live together prior to marriage stand a much higher rate of divorce than those waiting to live together until marriage. In fact, a cohabitating couple in their late 20's or early 30's is more likely to divorce after marriage than a couple marrying in their late teens. The highest success rate of marriages is those who wait to marry, and live alone until then. Also contributing to successful marriages is similar religious beliefs, and cimilar colleg education levels (couples with both spouses having at least some college education tend to succeed more).

Another factor is length of courtship. Couples who have courted one to five years before marriage tend to succeed. Couples who have courted for six years or more are more likely to divorce.

 

Yes, but if people live together first, then they tend to marry later, which is what I think was being said. Even if they eventually divorce, living together for awhile tends to make them wait longer to marry, so people marry at later ages, even if it's not to each other. Living with someone delays marriage to another person as well. So all these people living together who do marry tend to raise the age of marriage overall.

 

I DID NOT read this article but know there is a return to interest in 'Courtship' where parents help guide their child in the choosing of a mate and nurtures that relationship in family style enviroments instead of one on one dating.

My opinion is that we should NEVER date someone we would not consider marriage material, which in my case would have been a non-Christian, non-Baptist, previously married person, person with a child out of wedlock, etc. I did NOT seek the advice of my parents on choosing a mate because they had done such a lousy job of choosing all their mates.

Diane
Married at 19 and celebrating 34 years together this Oct. God willing!

 

You guys need to listen to Mohler's talk on this subject before making assumptions of his position based on an article written ABOUT his sermon.

Go to his website, read the articles, listen to the sermon....I think your view would be different.

He isn't saying that all people who are single are sinning...he is saying it is a sin to DELAY marriage. I would think you guys would be smart enough to look into what he means by DELAY.

 

Here is the link to the radio program it was on:
Family Life Today, June 22

http://www.familylife.com/fltoday/broadcast_schedule.asp?past30=1&showType=FamilyLife+Today

 

I agree with you, that is what he is saying BUT the Disagreement I have with him is that most Older Christian Singles I know are not INTENTIONALY DELAYING MARRIAGE. That is what his assumption is. No Doubt it is true for some Christian Singles and would be especially true for many Non Christians.

Dr. Mohler does not take in the account that in many rural areas a Christian Single person may have limited options into finding a Christian mate. Not everybody lives in Los Angelos,Houston, Atlanta and not everybody attends a Mega Church with a large Singles group. That in itself however does not mean that a person will find their mate in such a church or city by the way.
Other circumstances may be a reason and we must not ever take God's Sovereignty and Providence out of such.

What does Dr. Mohler say to a 40 year old man Single Never Married who is a faithful member of a Church that runs 20-25 in attendance in say Pine Knot Arkansas population 750? (Mythical town I think ) The Fella would probably like to be married and is not deliberately single and he maybe even tried a Christian internet site but so far he has not found his mate. What about a 36 year old lady in Horse Hair New Mexico (Mythical town I think ) population 1,002 and may wish to be married but has not found a Christian man. This is a real situation in many rural areas! Mohler's Radio talk could come across as condemning them (Though I don't believe that is his intention). He is dealing in an area that Pastors should handle and not Seminary Presidents.

 

Clearly Mohler's statements are general.

Give me a break with this "this is a pastor's job" thing. Mohler trains pastors, and has as much or more training than most pastors. He has served as a pastor.

He is FULLY qualified to speak in this area.

He is definitely more able to speak to this than the pastor in Horse Hair or Pine Knot.