Asking for my Permission to Marry

Discussion in 'All Other Discussions' started by Benjamin, Mar 8, 2013.

  1. Benjamin

    Benjamin
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    I just got a call from a young man and he wants to talk to me and I know what it about.


    I'm not ready for this, but apparently they are.


    I think they're pretty young for this but will admit both of them are very mature for their ages. My daughter forewarned me that was probably coming and I asked why not wait, at least until college is done, but she pulled the "today's traditional values about waiting don't apply to her" card out on me as if using my own words against me. (We've had many talks about not following in the ways/traditions of the world.)


    She just turned 21 and has 1 1/2 years of college left to finish her bachelors and is planning to go straight on into getting her masters. She goes to college for free on an academic scholarship and has a good job in the college administration office working with foreign exchange students doing cultural counseling and stuff.

    He is strongly Christian, well mannered, polite and respectful.

    He will be graduating college after this semester at the age of 20, ...yes 20! He also has a job at Intel and is making 70k already...kind of a golden boy this kid is...


    He is from Bolivia, moving here at age 8, and has a proper sounding Spanish accent, taller but similar in looks and mannerism to that of Antonio Banderas. :laugh:


    Anyway, I don't know what to do or to say.


    You often hear a daughter marries someone like her father, but I would say this is certainly not the case here.


    Okay, she's my baby girl still with her life in front of her, I admit that sharing her and her devoting herself to another and putting him as a priority in her life troubles me.


    I don't want anything to interfere with her ambitions, she is exceptional and has great potential to achieve great things. Yet, she says he will support her in whatever she wants she wants to do. She thinks it will be fun, certainly different from than the plans of most her peers - being young, not waiting to get married and attending full time college..


    This is my most prized possession in the world that this guy is about to ask to take off my hands! When I look at my daughter I often wonder how on earth I this kid ever came from the likes of me, but I also know God heard my prayers about my struggles and fears about raising a child and He answered them and guided me through this with great blessings.

    She met him a couple years ago and would tell me about him discussing Christian things with him, his parents were/are non-practicing Mormons but he found tha to be a false religion through reading the Bible on his own (Hmm, I guess maybe there is a touch of likeness to me after all in that reading the Bible on his own it brought him to know God.)


    My daughter became friends with him while she was dating another guy that was 26 and she being very mature for her age brushed off her friend as too young but liked his values and talking about Christianity with him. It was me that reminded her about boys usually being slower to mature but catching up later and also told her that I expected he had interests in her and that I wouldn't "burn any bridges". :tonofbricks:


    She and I both thought it would difficult for her to find someone who shared her Christian values which included maintaining purity going into marriage and on that note I can understand why these two might not want to wait.


    I didn't even grow up with a Dad and never heard of how this (hand asking) things goes or should go other than what I've seen in the movies. I'm not even sure what to advise in this situation as I try to put my feelings and worries aside for her best interests. Any suggestions?
     
    #1 Benjamin, Mar 8, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2013
  2. Carolina Baptist

    Carolina Baptist
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    It's not a area that I can offer any advise.
    But I noticed one important fact in your post:


    That's rare. :thumbs:
     
  3. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
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    This should be to be considered quite an honor for you that two young people have enough love and respect for you that they would come to you. I would be exceedingly proud as a parent.

    But with that honor comes the responsibility to be the mature elder...to search out their hearts to determine if this is brother a love that will endure ... cause life is tough and it will be a difficult life for the young in this world I'm afraid.

    As I see it your exceeding blessed with a level headed beautiful daughter. Idont know the boy...you need to search him out....who knows, you may end up with a perfect couple. Your in my prayers. God bless!
     
  4. annsni

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    That is awesome and I say "congratulations" to you! I'm not sure what counsel I would give - I'd probably ask for them to wait until she at least graduated from college but then again, I'm thinking of my own daughters. It's good that he makes decent money as that will assist in the "leaving father and mother". Wherever they will marry, do they do good premarital counseling? We've found that to be extremely helpful.

    I'll be praying for you and for the young man for wisdom and divine guidance. :)
     
  5. Benjamin

    Benjamin
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    Thanks, it is an honor. The thought to ask my FIL never even crossed my mind. Although, the was states aways. They did come out for the winter months and he spent time at my shop and took me out for lunch a few times. I liked him and enjoyed these times...he died a couple months later, 3 weeks before our wedding.

    Yep, that's what I've been thinking - talk about the responsibilities and difficulties. Try to make it memorable. Something like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp6ETBu4kQI :laugh:

    Yes, I've been very blessed and maybe this is will be another great blessing being more than I ever expected. Thx.
     
  6. Benjamin

    Benjamin
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    Thanks

    We're definately going to talk about her finishing college.

    Yes, how great is that that they can live comfortably and indepently at such a young age!

    Yes, they go to church togther, I even asked her if their church had anything to do with talking them into this. She said they didn't.


    Thx, I need it.
     
  7. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
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    Oh Jim Stewart...one of my favorites ...& what he said, real true:thumbsup:
     
  8. DiamondLady

    DiamondLady
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  9. Gina B

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    I didn't watch the video, but what Diamond Lady said struck a chord.

    So true.

    Nobody had to ask you. It is the ultimate respect that you are being asked. To say no sounds as if it could drive a wedge in there and bring up potential problems and heartache that need not be there. IE if there's no true cause to say no (not of age, which she is, the guy isn't a Christian, but he is, he is abusive, doesn't sound like he is, she is abusive, doesn't sound like he is, there is addiction, doesn't sound like there is) but you do, then she disobeys, you've helped her in that.

    Of course she'll use your own words against you. It's because they're good words! They're not against you, technically. LOL

    Mine do the same thing. :laugh:

    I actually told one of my daughter's that she might not WANT to wait until after college to get married, which is her plan. Because sometimes guys don't want to wait that long. Love may be love, but seriously? I don't think male humans were designed to live without female companionship until they were nearing their thirties. Just being honest. I know that's a tough thought when we're talking about our daughters, but that's just reality. I don't want my daughter to lose a great lifetime companion because she spent the majority of her twenties in college. She doesn't see that now, but I think she may see it that way in a few years and come to me saying the same thing your daughter is.
     

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