Attention wifey's...THE GUY'S RULES

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by Athanasian Creed, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. Athanasian Creed

    Athanasian Creed
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    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.

    (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

    Please note wives...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
    girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
    after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
    the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
    best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
    Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape...Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    hehehe...can i at least have a blanket and pillow???



    Ray :love2:
     
  2. just-want-peace

    just-want-peace
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    Ah, a breath of fresh air!!

    Especially # 1 (??????????):thumbs:
     
  3. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94
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    Um, you do understand don't you, that this means war?:laugh:
     
  4. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O.
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    Put the frazzlin' toilet seat down!

    :laugh: :flower:
     
  5. ccrobinson

    ccrobinson
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    See Rule Number 1. :wavey:
     
  6. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O.
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    OK, I'm going to be serious here for just a moment in the joke forum.

    I think that everybody, both men and women, should "go" to the bathroom and then put both the seat (when appropriate) AND the lid down before flushing.

    When we flush the toilet, the water and other contents spin around. All sorts of tiny and imperceptible debris flies through the air and sometimes as far as 6 feet away.

    If we only knew what was on our sinks, toothbrushes, combs, clean towels, and the rest of the bathroom that came from the toilet - we wouldn't be happy.

    So - everybody completely close the toilet, lid and all, before flushing and then the next person can put the lid and seat where they need it.

     
  7. ccrobinson

    ccrobinson
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    I agree with you, Scarlett. However, this is a commonly held belief and it was tested by Mythbusters in 2004.

    Their tests confirmed that the belief is true. They placed several toothbrushes in a house for a week and tested them for fecal coliforms after that time. Fecal coliforms were found on all brushes, including brushes that weren't placed in the bathroom. However, the levels found on the brushes weren't anywhere near a dangerous level. Interestingly, the control brushes, those placed outside the bathroom, had the highest level of coliforms.

    Don't take my word for it. You can find a summary of the test here.
     
  8. thegospelgeek

    thegospelgeek
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    I was about to post the same thing :laugh:
     
  9. Salty

    Salty
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    and the rest of the (important ) rules are listed in the mens private fourm! :1_grouphug:
     
  10. Athanasian Creed

    Athanasian Creed
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    "All is fair in love & war!"


    Ray :laugh:
     
  11. Athanasian Creed

    Athanasian Creed
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    See, you gals CAN'T keep THE RULES! :laugh:

    (Put the toilet seat down yerself :tongue3:)



    Ray :type:
     
  12. Athanasian Creed

    Athanasian Creed
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    What do you have, an industrial strength flusher on yer pooper???

    I have run into one of these at my local Chapters bookstore - i learned to close the lid BEFORE flushing (let's just say i got a little wet the first time i used it without closing the lid beforehand)

    Once bitten, twice shy!!


    Ray :thumbsup:
     

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