Bah humbug...

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by TaterTot, Dec 17, 2004.

  1. TaterTot

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    I posted a similar thread last year and was told I was a scrooge... [​IMG] I wanna see if I still am. Here's the issue:
    My mother is a widow who loves to spend money. Last year at Christmas, she bought our girls (ages 1 and 2 then) a ton of stuff plus a Barbie jeep. I grouched about it, then decided I should just be thankful for a grandma who loves her grandkids like that. We aren't heavy on the gifts because we want to set a precedent of giving being better than receiving. We DO give our kids good gifts, but we also do service things, etc. This year, Mother has done it again, even after I asked her to please simplify a little this year (and she said she would). She has gone all out and gotten BIG things we have no room for, plus she isnt doing equal for my brother's kids. She wants me not to tell them all she gave my kids if they ask. So here it is...
    I am a scrooge? [​IMG]
     
  2. Aaron

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    Nope! Just gotta stick to your guns.
     
  3. Craigbythesea

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    You are not the one with a problem!

    [​IMG]
     
  4. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. Purple Lady

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  6. robycop3

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    Newp! Your mom simply has a bigger 'soft spot' for your kids than she does for your bro's.

    In her view, is your bro's family more wealthy than yours? Are you her firstborn? Do your kids 'take a shine' to her more than your bro's kids do? Lotsa factors to consider, but none of 'em are YOUR fault.

    OTOH, I'm sure you appreciate having a mom who loves you & yours.
     
  7. Thankful

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    Can you give some of the stuff to your brother's kids? If not, give to children who do not have anything.

    I wouldn't think any thing of it if she gave as much to your brother's children.

    I would just say she is being Grandma, but why spend more on your children? Because they are little girls. Little girls are so much fun to buy for. We can buy the things we wanted as a child.

    I remember I bought my first granddaughter the cutest white fake fur coat. It was adorable, but DIL thought it wasn't practical and must have returned it because I never saw my granddaughter wear it. It wasn't like she didn't have a coat at all. This was in addition to the coats she had.

    Speaking from grandmother's standpoint, it is fun to buy things for grandchildren, especially when they are little. Now, we just give them money. Most of them are teenagers now.

    I think all you can do is explain to your mother your feelings and ask her to abide by your wishes. The rest is up to her. Tell her if she continues you are just going to give the stuff away.
     
  8. chipsgirl

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    My whole family does this to me every year. I say "I don't want anything, I don't have room for it"...yet I always get stuff I don't need and have no room for. I would much rather they save their money! I am going on a mission trip so I asked for that as my Christmas present. Thank goodness, they listened for once. I bet I'll still get a bunch of little things though.
    I think your mom doesn't think she's doing any harm. It excites her to buy for her Grandkids. Would it be possible you could put back some of the gifts and give them to your kids throughout the year? I don't know what to say about your bro's kids not getting as much stuff. That always happened with my cousins and they would say mean stuff to me about being spoiled. You need to make sure not to let that happen or else it might cause friction later on.
    I don't really get into the gift giving, but for some people they think it's wonderful and they really love doing it. You can't change their mind on it. I've tried.
     
  9. dianetavegia

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    My very wealthy mother has never sent more than a $10. bill to any of the grandchildren or great grandchildren. She won't shop for anyone at all. Too much trouble. This year, because she knew we were doing without, she sent me extra for buying some things for Nick in the front half of an old Christmas card, folded in half.

    I get great joy buying for our grandchildren even tho it has to be only one or two less expensive things. I'd love to be able to do more. Both of our married children are married to spouses from well to do families. Those grandparents spend so very much.... but I cannot nor would I compete.

    Just accept what she buys and then as the girls outgrow the toys, pass them on to needy in your area.
     
  10. pastorjeff

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    The idea of being fair to you children and your brothers is a tough issue. We have a different problem. My daughter gets more than my son. Whether it's because she is a girl or the first born I don't know, but it bothers me that my mother-inlaw would show that kind of favoritism.
     
  11. Thankful

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    Last week, we celebrated Christmas with 13 year old grandson and 7 year old granddaughter. We gave granddaughter two more presents than grandson. These presents were only a dollar each, a little doll and a Christmas pin. She was very aware that she received more gifts than her brother and asked why. She wanted her brother to have as many gifts as she had.

    Oh, the explanation, she is the youngest girl and brother would not want a doll or pin. that satisfied her and her brother didn't care about the number of presents. ( I Usually do try to get the same number of presents, but as they get older, presents cost more)

    We also gave both money. Granddaughter said that she was going to buy her brother a present with her money. Wasn't that sweet?
     
  12. Thankful

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    Another thought, Tater, Let the girls play with the stuff for a while and then let them decide the ones that they would like to give to less fortunate children. This would be a good lesson for them.
     
  13. TaterTot

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    well, to answer some of the questions, my brother is the first born, they arent wealthy either, but my mother doesnt really like his wife very much. (Its because they are alike, but dont tell HER that!) She always complains because my SIL often sells or gives away her kids stuff, so I dont think that would be a good idea for me to do. And to be honest, on of my brothers kids is not very well behaved and people shy away from her. (Thats really putting it nicely.) My mother favors one of mine more than the other one, too, and I have told her several times that when they are older, they will know. She has gotten better about that, but its still there.
    Please dont get me wrong, I love my mother very much. And I dont want to spoil her fun or be a scrooge. Thanks for your input!
     
  14. pastorjeff

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    It is tough to recieve graciously sometimes, even when you don't want the "stuff".
     
  15. TaterTot

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    How precious. I am sure she is a sweet girl.
     
  16. Rich_UK

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    I have a friend whos children are spoiled by the community some years. Along with the gifts they already get from the parents, the children end up with wayyyy too much. So instead, they give away to children who don't have much. I agree with thankful on this one.
     
  17. menageriekeeper

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    I put it to my parents and inlaws this way, especially when my children were much younger.

    By the time the kids get stuff from everyone and then have Christmas at home they are totally overwhelmed and don't want to play with any of it. Please only get one toy and if you want to get something else make it clothes or jewelry(for the girls).

    I'm so bad that by now I tell both sets of grandparents what I want the kids to have or what they want. Since my kids all know what a dollar is for I also tell the folks that green is a popular color!

    I had to really put my foot down about it though. My kids are the youngest in my family and Precious and Son are the first grandkids for T's parents. On top of that T's mother kept Precious for the first 2 1/2 years of her life while I worked AND we lived right across the street from them.

    I can't tell you how many times I bagged things up and stuck them in the attic for a while. We had no space and all 3 shared a bedroom at the time.

    Another strategy was that we kept all the Little Tyke stuff on the front porch. We had a big plastic storage bin out there full of toys that could be played with outside. I should add the porch was covered so the rain didn't get on this stuff. We kept everything from half the naked barbies to the dishes for the play kitchen in that foot locker. I kept a good eye on it to be sure no bugs crept in, but the toys were pulled out and put in so much that a bug didnt stand a chance.
     
  18. Marcia

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    You will wish you had this problem when your mother is gone. Enjoy her while you can, and let your kids enjoy her. I think the suggestion of letting the kids give some of the toys to Goodwil or something is a good one.

    But this is a minor problem to have, imo. My son lost his grandmother before he was 12. Wish she were around to spoil him!
     
  19. TaterTot

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    OK, Marcia. You have a point. I think sometime DH and I get a little jealous because she outdoes us, and we want to give to our kids, too. But really, thats all she has is her grandkids (and her kids, but we fade into the scenery once the grandkids come bouncing onto the scene!). But I still wish she would be fair in her givings and not expect me to cover for her when SIL starts asking questions.
     
  20. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    I do not give an equal amount of gifts to each of my 16 grandchildren - but I DO spend the same amount of money on each one. They understand this.

    An older child may only get one present while a younger one may receive 2 or 3 - but the $ amount is ALWAYS the same.

    Marcia is right. Your mother will not always be with you.

    All of my grandparents were deceased before I was born and I can only imagine what I missed out on based on how much I love MY grandchildren...

    Grandchildren are OUR reward for making it through YOUR teen-age years. Let us spoil them! [​IMG]

    P.S.
    We also have a "Bah HumBug" thread in All Other Discussions...
     

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