Banned From Wal-mart...

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by tinytim, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. tinytim

    tinytim
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    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

    Dear Mrs. Samsel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
    ;
    1.. June 15: Took 24 boxes of c*nd*ms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna=2 0look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least...

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

    Sincerely,
     
  2. Salty

    Salty
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    #16 Tried to get replacement for Craftsmen tools




    Of course I wondered about that since Tiny doesn't know the difference between a straight and Phillips screwdriver
     
  3. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O.
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    :laugh: :laugh:

    [​IMG]
     
  4. LeBuick

    LeBuick
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    This is when I as an employee tells the manager I'm going on break... :laugh:
     
  5. ray Marshall

    ray Marshall
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    Tiny Tim, these are good.
     
  6. Spinach

    Spinach
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    I've read these before and I never get tired of them. So funny!
     
  7. ktn4eg

    ktn4eg
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    Tim,

    You can take consolation in the fact that at least they haven't banned you from BB......................yet! :smilewinkgrin:
     
  8. Carolina Baptist

    Carolina Baptist
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    Thanks for the ideas for getting out of shopping with my . . . . oops I have to be careful, my wife is on the baptist board too. :rolleyes:
     
  9. faithgirl46

    faithgirl46
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    All of them were funny
    Faithgirl
     

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