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Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by drake13, Mar 30, 2014.
Let me hear your best joke...GO:tongue3:
Here's a good knock-knock joke, you start it...
Knock Knock ...
A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says hello Mr. President.
I'd respond to Deacon, but I like EW&F's joke better. :laugh:
A friend of mine just started his own business.
He manufactures land mines that look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof!
This lady is sitting at home alone when she hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff's deputies there, so she asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if she is married, and if so, can he see a picture of her husband.
She says "sure " and shows him a picture of her husband.
The deputy says, "I'm sorry mam, but it looks like your husbands' been hit by a truck."
The lady says, " I know, but he has a great personality and is an excellent provider. "
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge sink hole in the ground. They approached it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says " Wow, 'at's some sink hole, I can't even see the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two, and three, and throw it in the sink hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the sink hole, and with no hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the sink hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Didn't happen to see my goat round here, did ya?" the farmer asks.
The first hunter says " We sure nuff did. We was justa standin here a minute ago and yer goat come running out of them bushes over yonder doin' bout a hunert miles an hour and he jumped headfirst into this here sink hole!"
The old farmer says, "Naw, couldn't have been my goat, I had him chained to a transmission!"
Divers came across an old Spanish galleon in the Caribbean. Like many ships found before, it had treasure galore, but the divers were reluctant to go into the ship because, believe it or not, it actually shimmied, shook and quaked in its resting place.
Experts were at a complete loss to explain the phenomenon, nor were they sure it would be safe to enter the ship, given its proclivity for trembling without apparent cause. But then someone got the brilliant idea to call a psychologist. He soon determined the reclamation operation could begin, saying it was perfectly safe.
Seems the ship was just a nervous wreck.
An old man, 74 to be exact, arrived on the dock to fish. As he leaned down to pick up a worm he heard someone say, "Over here, look over here." He looked around and there was no one around. As he was baiting his hook he heard the same voice, "Look over here, talk to me."
He finally spotted a frog sitting on the water. The frog said, "Pick me up and kiss me and I will make you happy. The fisherman picked the frog up and put it in his pocket. As he did the frog said, "Wait, kiss me and I will become a beautiful mistress and serve you the rest of your life. I will make you happy."
The fisherman ignored the frog and left it in his pocket.
The frog hollered, "But don't you understand, kiss me and I will become a beautiful woman?" The fisherman replied, "Well at my age I don't have much use for a beautiful woman, but I sure like the idea of having a talking frog."