How do you confuse a Calvinist? Take him to a buffet and tell him to get whatever he wants. Why do Calvinists do so poorly on College tests? They can’t handle multiple choice questions. How many Calvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? It depends on how many are needed to get all the unbelievers out of the room, for only the Elect are given the Light. What do you call a Presbyterian drinking Mountain Dew? A Hyper-Calvinist Did you hear about the Calvinist who rode in an elevator all day? He felt he had no right to choose a floor so he just went wherever it took him Why do presidential campaigns make Calvinists so nervous? They like the idea of an election but just can’t get past the voting part. Why was the Calvinist held in contempt of court? Because he refused to be a witness Did you hear about the Calvinist scoreboard manufacturer? Their scoreboard posts the final score at the beginning of the game Why do Calvinists prefer subways and trains? Because the destinations are all pre-determined. Why should you choose a Calvinist Realtor? Because they do not believe in a “Great Commission”.