Calvinist Jokes

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by DrJamesAch, Jun 22, 2013.

  1. DrJamesAch

    DrJamesAch
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    How do you confuse a Calvinist? Take him to a buffet and tell him to get whatever he wants.

    Why do Calvinists do so poorly on College tests? They can’t handle multiple choice questions.

    How many Calvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? It depends on how many are needed to get all the unbelievers out of the room, for only the Elect are given the Light.

    What do you call a Presbyterian drinking Mountain Dew? A Hyper-Calvinist

    Did you hear about the Calvinist who rode in an elevator all day? He felt he had no right to choose a floor so he just went wherever it took him

    Why do presidential campaigns make Calvinists so nervous? They like the idea of an election but just can’t get past the voting part.

    Why was the Calvinist held in contempt of court? Because he refused to be a witness

    Did you hear about the Calvinist scoreboard manufacturer? Their scoreboard posts the final score at the beginning of the game

    Why do Calvinists prefer subways and trains? Because the destinations are all pre-determined.

    Why should you choose a Calvinist Realtor? Because they do not believe in a “Great Commission”.
     
  2. Winman

    Winman
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    Any Calvinist will tell you that only God can change a light bulb.
     
  3. BaptistJG

    BaptistJG
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  4. Winman

    Winman
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  5. BaptistJG

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    I just love at the end of the predestination joke, he just moves into his topic. gets me every time.
     
  6. Winman

    Winman
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    I am listening to these videos now, very good. I like the way he speaks, very simple and straightforward, very easy to understand. My kind of speaker. :thumbsup:
     
  7. thisnumbersdisconnected

    thisnumbersdisconnected
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  8. kyredneck

    kyredneck
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    :thumbs::laugh:
     
  9. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler
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    I'm a DoG, but Dr. Ach's OP stuff is hilarious!

    And Dr. Geisler cracked me up.
     
    #9 Tom Butler, Jul 12, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2013

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