Changing churches

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by KowHorse, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. KowHorse

    KowHorse
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    This really is not my situation but I am curious because I am involved in a discussion about it somewhere else.

    If a husband wants to leave a church, should the wife follow even if he may have questionable motives?
     
  2. StefanM

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    As a general rule, yes. The wife, however, should probably share her concerns with the husband.
     
  3. Jimmy C

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    This is an interesting topic - in the final analysis I think that if a husband wants to leave a church his family should follow. I will caveat this however, that a husband who is truly seeking the Lord will not selfishly change churches without his wife and family's input and approval.

    We currently have a family in our church who has had a bit of a struggle as a family in staying together. Mom and Dad are both nice people and have been involved in different ministries over the years. He leans a bit charsmatic, and because his leanings is not 100% comfortable in our blended worship style. mom and the kids love the Church (and need the support that they get from the church family) My worry for them is that if they follow dad and leave the church, that they will not last as a couple. They may not last regardless - but at least mom and kids have a support group of people that love them if they stay. I think dad is being selfish.
     
  4. richard n koustas

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    i would need to know more about the 'questionable motives' before i can answer the question in the OP. i had the opposite happen...

    a couple years ago, my wife decided to leave the church we were attending for many years. it was a personal decision that i did not agree with (i will spare you the details). so, for 18 months every sunday morning, i drove off to the old church, and my wife (with her parents, our kids (and grand kid)) drove to a different church. after months of hearing my then 11-year old daughter cry every sunday morning, i joined them. --
     
  5. Johnv

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    The decision should be made together, and over time. Both spouses should be in agreement over whether to leave a church, and, if they do leave, what new church to attend.
     
  6. guitarpreacher

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    Listen to the voice of experience - A man who drags his family (especially his wife) to a church they do not want to attend is a fool.
     
  7. fatbacker

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    I believe if the husband wants to leave the church his wife should follow but I believe there should be some sort of concession on the husbands part if he does. Just leaving a church will not automatically make things better and there is a 90% chance your not going to find the right church the following Sunday. I think the wife has a right to know what her husband is looking for and how long he intends to take in finding a new church. It would also make sense for him to go to a different church by himself periodically and make sure it is suitable for his family before he disrupts their regular service for a possibly questionable unknown service. You will never know if is the right church the first Sunday you walk through the doors.
     
  8. quidam65

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    Maybe I shouldn't jump in here since I've never been married.

    This is clearly a situation that the couple needs to discuss between them.

    There may be something going on that the husband knows but the wife does not. Maybe the husband shared something in confidence that was later spread as gossip. Or maybe he knows of some internal wrongdoing that the leadership will not do anything about (since maybe they're part of it).

    Clearly the husband needs to realize that if he does gain their support, he may very well cause division in his family.
     
  9. bapmom

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    We have a situation like this going on in our church right now. The family had left our church several years ago in a split. Recently the husband decided it had been wrong for them to leave in the first place, and he began coming again. The wife has been extremely resistant. She wants to be back in the church that had split off. They have two sweet girls who are in the middle of it all.

    The wife will come to church and glare at the preacher, make comments under her breath during the sermon, etc. However, she IS coming now, so I see a glimmer of light as she's becoming willing to follow her husband.

    Ive made it a personal "mission" to be kind, warm, and welcoming to this lady, as have several other ladies in our church as well.

    I say all this partly to report that we have seen some very promising results. The other day I had a conversation with her.....she is definitely thawing out. Just in the last couple weeks she has been seen smiling and visiting a little bit with folks around her.

    I truly believe, when the lady is at least willing to follow her husband, there is hope.....and those of us around the family can be a help to the husband as well, by being welcoming even when met with glares and hostility at first.

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Trotter

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    You been reading my mail?

    This describes my situation.. I pulled my family out of our old church under "questionable motives", according to my wife. My reasons were several, and valid, but we did not discuss it out ahead of time. When I brought it up, my wife told me I was bashing our pastor, and that she didn't want to hear it.

    Anyway, I left the church, but my wife and daughter didn't... for a while. They finally did, but were not happy about it.

    We have visited the vast majority of churches in our area since then. For the first many months, every church had something wrong with it... that being it wasn't our old church. But time has a way of healing old wounds. We have started visiting a church that we think may become our new church home.

    Why the story? Because, although I enacted the leaving the wrong way, my wife abided by my decision. Yes, even when she didn't agree with it.

    In Christ,
    Trotter
     
  11. Brother Ian

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    Certainly the husband should discuss the issue with his wife. The wife should follow the husband. That being said, the decision is the husband's and he is accountable for the decision whether is is right or wrong.

    Any man that makes a major decision without using the discernment and wisdom of his wife is not using the tools God has given him.
     
  12. Circuitrider

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    A somewhat humorous side note to this question:
    My father in law got mad at the preacher for some reason and changed churches. My mother in law dutifully followed. Later the pastor of the second church did some unethical things which my father in law objected to and he left. My mother in law left too. They became the founding members of a third new church which they have stayed in most of the rest of the time. However, when my father in law died, all three churches brought food and ministered to the family. After the funeral my wife noted that "all that church hopping paid off." :eek:
     
  13. Rachel

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    [​IMG] Circuitrider!


    I couldn't agree more! [​IMG]
     
  14. DeadMan

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    WOW! Not sure how I would have taken that one if my wife announced something like that. Although I'd never make a decision like that without her FULL approval, she leaves those decisions up to me. As for my kids, they don't get a say in these matters. Although mine are younger than yours, even at that age they're too young to understand everything.
     
  15. SAMPLEWOW

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    Very good advice !


     
  16. Plain Old Bill

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    If the wife will not follow the man to a different church she should be soundly beaten.
     
  17. SAMPLEWOW

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    I needed that Plain Old Bill.
     
  18. Dr. Bob

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    Hey, Circuitrider - that was MY father in law, too. And he (and his wife) were members of MY church - a 4th - when he died.

    We had food for a week!

    Serious answer: the husband is to be the head of the home. In 99.9% of the decision, the husband/wife will come to agreement. But in the .01% where a decision must be made, the husband is the ultimate authority/decision maker.

    Sorry ladies.
     
  19. blackbird

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    Yeh, Dr. Bob---BUT---(and its a big one)---I heard of a young couple that just got married and was tryin' to decide where to go on their Honeymoon!!

    She wanted to go to the beach

    He wanted to go to the mountains( [​IMG] my choice hands down!!)

    So they compromised

    And went to the beach!!! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  20. John I Morris

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    As I looked at the responses to this post, most answered from human wisdom. But may I say that God's wisdom is far greater.

    Joshua said; "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
    Paul said; "that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church..."
    And God said; "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

    So, it really does not matter what I think, it matters what God says. Is it PC you ask? My answer is, no it is not. But it is BC (Biblically Correct) and that is all that will count in the Judgement.

    I love my wife dearly, but I love God more!
     

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