Choosing the right spouse

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by evangelist6589, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. evangelist6589

    evangelist6589
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    I am on Eharmony and one other dating site. I am chatting with a woman and we seem very like minded. We also seem like minded in our philosophy of finance. Finance can be a big issue and I want to meet someone that is not on either extreme in this area. Loose spenders and people that are materialistic and into instant gratification most likely will have lots of debt and I do not want this. On the other hand not everyone with lots of debt got there because of choice. Some have had medical issues and other trials in life. I also do not desire to meet a spouse that is such an anti debt extremist that they will out themselves and others in danger.

    My old roommate's daughter had a boyfriend that would tell her not to eat anything but oatmeal everyday for a week or so because they had gone over the food budget. I also know of people that are so into Dave Ramsey and his cookie cutter methods that they will buy a unreliable car and drive at night in areas in the mountains where they could be raped, killed, and put in danger. I have a friend who has a car loan due to this danger.

    Am I on the right track? Finance is a big issue. This woman has no debt, but then again she has a much higher paying job than me and a far bigger shovel to get out of debt. So far this does not seem to be an issue with her that she makes far more than me. She knows I have debts but does not care as to the amount of debt. Life is hard and I dont like judgmental people that will abandon me because I have had a hard time. Jesus would never do this. I a praying and hoping she is the right one. We seem very compatible..

    Suggestions? If finance is not an issue, and we are like minded in doctrine, then it may be a green light. However I have not yet met her in person. We talk on the phone often, chat, and have video conference several times. I plan to fly and meet her soon.


    Thanks,

    John
     
    #1 evangelist6589, Nov 13, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2011
  2. Amy.G

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    I think you need to ask yourself is she a good steward of her money, not just is she debt free. Does she tithe? Does she use her money in any way to please God? Or does every penny she makes get spent on stuff to please herself?
     
  3. freeatlast

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    I think you are looking for the wrong kind of woman. You really need to be looking for a godly woman, not one that just has her finances in line with your ideals.. One that will submit you her husband as unto the Lord as scripture teaches. One that has built her heart and life on the Lord and all He calls for. That means she is biblically able to marry. Then you will not have to worry about all the rest.
    One thing both of you should be ready to go through some serious counseling prior to marriage and that should be anyone seeking marriage not just you.
     
  4. 12strings

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    Find the man whom you respect the most spiritually, who has the most biblical wisdom and integrity of character, and a legacy as a faithful husband for many years...and ask him for advice.

    That will be better than any advice you find on this forum.

    -
     
  5. evangelist6589

    evangelist6589
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    Talking with her she does do these things and uses her money wisely. But I will learn more as we get to know one another. We have only been dating for a short period of time.
     
  6. evangelist6589

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    I agree. Listening to Ramsey for so long I was conditioned to think that being debt free is the most important thing in the world. But this is not true.
     
  7. evangelist6589

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    I wish I had one.
     
  8. Romans7man

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    I don't know if children are in this picture or not, but if they are you might want to know about, To spank or not to spank. Not that this is the rule I have whether I would marry or not, but if one of you happen to be one that believes in spanking and the other does not, then that can lead to problems. Some folk, even Christians, consider spanking child abuse whereas others see it as necessary in child raising. It's best to ask these type of questions as well as money questions.
     
  9. Sapper Woody

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    I am amazed that no one yet has blasted the OP for meeting someone online. People seem to be realizing that this is acceptable.

    With that being said, and without knowing how deep your relationship is already, my advice is to not get too involved until you meet her in person. All the obvious about how Godly she is aside (since you seem to already want that), you need to make sure that she doesn't (and you don't) have any personality conflicts or quirks that would make you two incompatible. Also, it's far too easy to "put your best foot forward" when you are talking to somone online or on the phone.
     
  10. evangelist6589

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    You must be old fashioned. Meeting people online is a very common event in our society. But yes we have never met in person. We get along real well on the phone and via video conferencing.
     
  11. Sapper Woody

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    Sorry about the confusion; I was condoning the fact that it is accptable now to meet people online. Some of my friends have done this, and they have been together for 7 or 8 years now.

    However, on the flip side, I was warning of the dangers of it (obvious ones aside, like sexual predators, etc). People who get along great online might not get along so great in person (and as i have witnessed before on this forum, the opposite can be true, too). People inherently tend to be different online than they are in person.

    I am in no way trying to say that this is the case in your particular situation. I hope things work out for you and wish you well. I just wanted to point out the things to watch for.
     
  12. JesusFan

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    MOST omportant thing is IF she is like minded regarding the Christian faith!

    Do you both agree on the core Christian issues?

    Do you both hold to the essentials of the faith?

    Are you both growing in your walk with Christ?

    Both attending same type of Church?

    get the spiritual issues agreed upon, and rest shall follow!

    Debt is important issue, but NOT tot he levels of the spiritual ones!
     
  13. Arbo

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    Re dating websites- I used to be skeptical of them (no idea why, guess I'm a traditionalist) until a younger relative of mine met a girl online who was perfect for him. No longer. They'll be celebrating their ten year anniversary next month.

    Evangelist- I wish you well if this is what Our Lord's will is for you.
     
  14. govteach51

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    I think part of the problem is there are still people who are afraid of the new technology and internet dating. I think this is going to become the norm in the future, if we are not already there.
    Originally, I was skeptical of online dating, but a close friend of mine started to talk a man online from PEI in Canada from here in Texas. They are now married and couldn't be happier. Both are very devoted to each other and both believe God put them together as mates.
    Look the internet has just made the possible pool of acceptable mates much larger.
     

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