Christians and divorce.

Amen, and praise God, MTA.

AVL1984

 

How do other denominations view divorced people? I'm wondering if it's usually Baptist churches that tend to deny church membership (as if they're allowed to do that) and/or treat divorced people poorly in a lot of cases, or is that typical of most Christian groups?
Gina

 

Gina, I haven't found it to be a problem with any other denominations except for the Catholics. Some Baptist churches are a lot more opened up to the idea that things happen and marriages fall apart. Many even have divorced pastors. It's just the "HYPER" division of the Baptist church that usually has the problem with forgiveness in it.

AVL1984

 

blackbird, I'm sorry if my post came across to you as reviling anyone. That was not my purpose. I was simply trying to make POR understand that even though divorce is a sin, God is able to forgive, and when God forgives, he forgets. If God has forgiven and forgotten, than who here can
judge those of us who have been in the unfortunate situation of divorce. We all admit that divorce is wrong, but many of us have found ourselves in that situation because of decisions made by other people.

Brother Ralph, I apologize for any words that you may see as contentious. My point was to inspire some compassion and love for your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have been put in the unfortunate situation of having to live with the stigma of divorce and always having to explain to those more fortunate than us who can't understand what we have been through.

I will still pray that you may never know the hurt, anger, sorrow and rejection of being a divorced Christian.

Peace and love in Christ Jesus.
Dale

 

So? Does this "God" of yours promote divorce or reconciliation?

I do think you and others have completely misunderstood, and the evidence of the hateful and even demonic mentality is rampant here.

So, does this "God" of yours,. and obviously others too, promote unforgiveness as well?

BTW, do you also INSINUATE that these are your kin and I am not?

Yall have a funny way of averting the Truth according to God's Holy Bible.

 

There it is, I have been wrongfully labeled and never asked how I treat the divorced. I came real close to getting one myself 12 years ago, BUT, PRAISE THE LORD!!! I got S A V E D !!! God put my family back together, and instead of us having a "knock-down/drag-out", the devil is the one knocked down and dragged out!

You guys just really don't understand, I am ON YOUR SIDE!!!

Just think what it would be like if you had made reconciliation and allowed the Lord to work that forgiveness in your hearts?

The Truth is, you wouldn't be so easily offended when the Truth is revealed.

 

Brother Ralph, I would ask you one question. Would you live with someone who was always drunk and threathening to smash your face in every night, pushing you around, threathening to put your child in an institution for standing up for his mother, threatening to kill your parents and burn the house down and knocking you across the bedroom with a week old baby in your arms. The devil was in my marriage in the form of a very paranoid, extremely jealous and very violent man, who, by the way, claimed to be a Christian. There could not be any reconciliation. If I had stayed there would have been death, either his or mine, and our son could have been in jail for killing his own father by defending me. This type of situation is hard to fathom by those who have never been there. I assure you, getting out was the only way.

I am not offended by the truth. You have not revealed the truth in my situation because you have no idea what that truth is. You have never been in my shoes and had to deal with my situation.

 

Bible truth has already been presented to prove that divorce IS INDEED permissible in the event of fornication. It was from the lips of Christ himself. As I stated before, if Jesus said it was an event that would allow divorce, I guess it's just what Jesus said. Either that or God has contradicted himself, as some would have us believe.

AVL1984

 

This is shameful guys. My position on this issue is well known. However, I try to present my position emotion free because of the sensitivity.

Just for the record, dessertion is not grounds for divorce. If you actually read 1 Cor. 7:15, you would see that dessertion has already taken place and God declared that the two are not bound. For the believing spouse to then go divorce is sin.

 

Still looks like God gets blamed for putting a lot marriages together that he never had a hand in.

 

DD - I have the same question as Dr. Bob. I understand that the two are not bound scripturally, but that does not dissolve their relationship legally. Are you saying that although the two are not bound scripturally, if the believing spouse afterwards takes steps to legally sever the marriage relationship that they sin?

 

I had a pastor tell me once that divorce in those times was not so much the complete separation and freedom to remarry that we believe it to be, but more like a legal separation that gave spouses protection and a way to work out a reconciliation.
For example, if a husband was physically abusive to his wife, they could separate and the wife would no longer be under obligation to have him in the home or to have the responsibilities of marriage, but when and if they reconciled they would live together again as husband and wife...no "legal" means involved in their reconciliation or for them to be considered still married.
This did not free them up for remarriage though.
This is regarding Christian marriages where both parties are believers.
Is that anywhere near accurate?

In a church I was once in, we had a lady whose husband was unfaithful. Both were Christians. She kicked him out, but did not believe in divorce at all. He went and lived with his girlfriend, but she remained pure and didn't remarry. After a year and a half, or something of the sort, he repented. They're still together now.

I do tend to think we give up way too easy on marriage. If there's an excuse that can be wrangled from the bible, we quick to use it to justify our actions in divorcing instead of attempting to reconcile. I wonder sometimes what would happen if people took a year off to cool down instead of divorcing so fast when things go bad. I did have a lawyer tell me that legal separations always always end in divorce, but with support and true attempts at reconciliation, would that really happen?

Delly, I'd love to talk to you privately sometime. Send a pm or email at [email protected] if you get a few minutes!

Gina

 

Gina, I think some of that may be apples and oranges. Women were then generally considered to be the property of their spouses. This is clearly not the cultural case today. We need to take the cultural context into account. Not that this changes the core of the scriptural message (what constitutes a scripturally allowable divorce, and if a divorced person may remarry). But I think that people may read more into scripture than intended by failing to consider the full context of scripture.

Scripturally, the implication is that the covenant between spouses is severed. That is, it no longer exists. You're no longer bound to your spouse. If you're no longer bound, then that person is not your scriptural spouse any longer. It is not what God intended, but it is scripturally touched upon nonetheless.

I'm glad to hear about the couple in your church who reconciled after a year an a half. In my case, I gave my adulterous spouse several years to leave her lover and return to her marriage. BTW, she recently married him the past year. I have forgiven her in my heart, though she has not asked for forgiveness. At this point, I see no sriptural reason to think that I'm bound to her, other than the fact that we have children. After undergoing pastoral counseling, I plan on marrying the beginning of next year.

 

I'm divorced too, but it was not a case of unfaithfulness. It started out as a separation I was glad to have for safety reasons, although I never intended a divorce. I found out quickly that even though we weren't living in even the same town, he still had the right to come to my home whenever he pleased, or take the children, or household items, even after over a year of being gone.
He ended up wanting a divorce, and I agreed to it.
I still can't come to peace with thinking I can remarry. He was not a believer, but he also pulled a lot of stuff that makes me wonder about his own intentions in our lives and my own intentions in agreeing to the divorce, and this has muddied things up. For example, he said before we walked into the courthouse that he changed his mind and we shouldn't go in. I was frightened over his past threats to send my children out of the country, and knowing that our divorce agreement gave me custody and legal means to stop that from happening, I told him we should still go through with it.
Was I scripturally wrong and should I have walked away from the courthouse? I don't know.
So, if an unbeliever departs...but did he? I don't know. He still won't go away. LOL
But seriously, as he stated prior to legal proceedings that he changed his mind, I don't know where I stand.
Then again, all the legal proceedings are are government papers, and everyone and their mother knows how I feel about the government having a say in marriages and divorces. So in that mindset, he'd already gone through the divorce. He left, he didn't want to support his kids, wasn't in the home, etc..
Guess it depends on how you look at it, and I don't know how to look at it. So I wander around confused, but as I don't care to try the marriage thing again anyhow I haven't spent too much time worrying about it.
Gina

 

Gina, a spouse has deserted the marriage the moment he/she commits an act of abuse against the other spouse or children. Your spouse committed the act of desertion, which is a scripturally permissible reason for divorce.

 

John, not according to some here. Apparently we are supposed to live with them until they kill us.
I tried to kill myself once after a hugh fight, but my mother came by and saved my life, just to send me back into the mess. After that, I just turned it over to the Lord to handle. The situation didn't change but I changed the way I handled it. I did the best I could to avoid the violence but I also had hope that God would give me the strength to stand up to him when it got more than I could bear. The straw that sent me out the door was him threatening to have our son put in jail or a mental institution for taking my side. I knew the time had come to do something and all I could do was get out. I didn't know I was that strong. I was very shy and very afraid of him, but not that night. I told him to either kill me or get out of my way and he stepped aside. I have never looked back. I started back to church and God has blessed my life so much since then. He drank himself to death in 1996. There was never any hope of reconcilation.

 

I would disagree. The reason is simple. If you remain with a knowingly abusive spouse, you eventually, by staying, are giving permission for him/her to be abusive. You end up being an accomplice to the abuser's sin. While God does not will divorce, God does not will for us to play a role in sin.

 

John, how many times are you going to regurgitate the half-true idea that women were property during this time?

The gentiles didn't have the same view as the Jews of women. There were feminists, women rights groups, etc, already there.

Not bound could mean any number of things Dr. Bob:

1. Not bound to live the person
2. Not bound to submit (in the case of the wife) to the person
3. Not bound to be married to the person
4. Not bound to try and reconcile
5. Not bound etc

The bottom line is that Paul had just previously said to either be single or reconciled if a divorce must happen. Therefore, the view that says "not bound" allows a person to remarry is laughable and lacking miserably in support and common sense. Paul wasn't a schizophrenic (sp?).

Further, what Paul actually said was this:

An unbelieving spouse has to have left (not a believing spouse).

If a believing spouse leaves, the verse does not apply.

John, I do tire of your constant attempts to justify your own divorce with this ridiculous notion of being an accomplice to sin if... Good grief, the measures people will go to to ease their conscience.