Christians marrying overseas brides.

Discussion in '2005 Archive' started by Ben W, Mar 18, 2005.

  1. Ben W

    Ben W
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    In Australia it is not uncommon to see advertisments for potential marriage partners from the Phillipines and Russia. As it happens I know of two Christian males that have married Phillipino brides and one Christian male that has married a woman that he corresponded with that lived in Jamacia. In the mainstream I think that marriages like this can fail because of not having enough common interests. Yet for the couples above, they are all born again christians and there marriages seem to be working out.

    Should this be something that the churches should be encouraging? I think that all people should attempt to marry and have children as it is laid down in Genesis. Yet if a Christian guy is having troubles finding someone, could this be an option that churches should suggest, on the understanding that both of the partners would be born again, yet possibly different races?
     
  2. Dr. Bob

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    One race. Humans.

    Lots of ethnicity and there are tensions and problems from marrying in a different culture. People should be aware of that.

    And church should keep our nose out of it.
     
  3. Joseph_Botwinick

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    I agree with Dr. Bob.

    Joseph Botwinick
     
  4. PastorSBC1303

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  5. Ben W

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    True, yet think back to when we were all single. I know that some people really struggle with that and often think that they are never going to find someone and despair as a result of it.

    In that situation, I would hope and think it likely that a male would be able to go to his pastor about it and seek his advice. In the same way I would hope that a Pastor can appreciate his concern and help him to find a solution.

    It is well for the church to "keep their noses out of it", yet what to do when someone asks for your help and counsel?
     
  6. Xingyi Warrior

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    Ben W. There is one big overall factor that is responsible for this whole macroscopic dilemna - FEMINISM. Feminism has virtually destroyed the characters of American women to the point that yes many American men are considering marrying an overseas bride. This is a double edged sword. Because there are many cultural differences that will have to be dealt with in the marriage. Communication problems and the fact that her family is in another country are ever present. I know becuase I was married to a Russian woman for nine years. Many American men have become dissillusioned with American women for obvious reasons that can be readily attributed to feminist brainwashing. And I will add that feminism in any form is simply REBELLION AGAINST GOD.
    Because of 50+ years of feminist brainwashing (but more predominently since the 60's):

    1. American women view themselves as superior to males and demand equal or greater say in all famililial and marriage arragnegments.

    2. American women have been taught to compete with males on every level and thus, in essence have had to acquire male "attributes" of personality and sometimes physicality to succeed as such. Typically, men who aren't gay arent attracted to other men. And American women have become more masculine to the point that many men view them simply as men wearing womens clothing. In short, we don't like them.

    3. American women have been taught to use deprivation of sex as a weapon when they don't get what they want. Big mistake, because if hubby isn't getting any from them he'll eventually be drawn to more readily available sources.

    4. American women have been brainwashed into viewing marirage as a necessary evil by which they can obtain security and consistent and safer sex. In short they only devote as much energy to the relationship as they deem necessary to maintain that arrangement.

    Of course all this is a recipe for disaster in any marriage.

    But a word of warning to anyone who is thinking of marrying a foreign wife. If you are going to marry them, love them and marry them for WHO THEY ARE, not for what they are not. These women all have unique personalities and as in any culture there are good ones and bad ones and some are always better than others in some respects. The sad part of this whole thing is that women in the churches here aren't much different. I have been in numerous churches - Baptist, Assembly of God, Church of God, Methodist, and Lutheran. And no I'm not a church hopper, just have lots of friends from different denominations. But everywhere I go I see the same old crap of women viewing a man as a potential mate in terms of how big his wallet is and what kind of car he drives. And all of them have these "lists" of what their "perfect" man will be and no one on the planet ever seems to match. I mean, would they like me to make some lists for them? Many of them would fall drastically short of mine. And pastors haven't traditionally been much help in this area because most of the pastors I have ever known have no clue as to what it is like to be in this situation. Because they met their wives in Bible college. My advice to anyone who is single as a pastor in such a situation would be "go to bible college". I have given up on American females as I have been divorced for over a year and looking but still running into the same old crap. I recently have met an Assembly of God missionary in the Philippines and I went to visit her last month. She is a remarkable lady and I have experience in dealing with women of other cultures so I don't think that there wil be many problems. So my advice to you would be to either do as I say not as I do, or do as I do. Its your choice. Just remember that if you are going to pursue a foreign bride that there are trade offs.
    An older man will likely be able to secure a youger and more attractive bride than he would here in America. Downside - age differences will create static in any culture. But in most cases their values will be remarkably higher than their American counterparts.
    Asian ladies are known for their longevity and tend to age more gracefully than most western women. Of course when they are subjected to our high fat diets and destructive cosmetics that might have a noticable impact. The jury is still out on that.

    **********BEWARE*********
    Eastern European women(read Russia, Ukraine, etc...) have the highest percentage of scam artists and the world over are considered to be the least happy of any population.
    Conversely the Southeast Asian - Philippines, Thailand, Singapore are some of the poorest but most content of the worlds populatrion. And women from former communist nations have usually been brainwahsed into thinkin that life in America is all Roses, driving Maseratis, and having lunch with Brad Pitt. They seem to have a dillusional view of lfe here and if you cannot provide them with those ammenities (read, about all of us) then they are going to lead a really dissapointing life.
     
  7. Pastor Larry

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    I think wisdom is a big issue here. Is it wise to marry someone of whom you have little or no knowledge? What about their spiritual testimony, their consistency? Anyone can say the right things over email and they can put on a front, but will they be faithful in 5 years or 20 years? A testimony of consistency goes a long way to indicating that. With these mail order brides you have no way of knowing.

    In addition, you have great cultural differences (which is the real problem with interracial marriages). They can be worked through, but they can be very difficult.

    Many of these brides are allegedly looking for "a way out" of their country and circumstances. The easiest way to get permanent residency in America is to marry an American.

    I say this is unwise at best, though not guaranteed to fail. I would encourage people not to pursue this route.
     
  8. Gold Dragon

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    Excellent advice! [​IMG]

    While there is nothing inherently wrong with overseas brides, it is a high risk path with many potential problems.
     
  9. Xingyi Warrior

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    I think we are basically on the same page Pastor LArry, though I do not want to resurrect the old single versus married battle of ages past threads. However based on current marriage/divorce statistcs even in the church popultaion which shows failure rates at 50% and rising, I don't think that a domestic marriage has any greater propensity for success.
     
  10. Xingyi Warrior

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    Currently in our culture, for reasons previously discussed marriage in general is "a high risk path with many potential problems".
     
  11. Kiffen

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    I think it all depends.

    There is a lot of wisdom from the previous posts. I do think however we are living in a differant time than we lived 10 years ago. It is a global village where people who live thousands of miles from one another can communicate daily. An Email cannot tell you everything about a person...Of course dating somebody in your own town can't either. I be honest with you, I know many people who live in the same town and date for 2 years and then marry and discover the person they marry is not the one they dated and Divorce comes. The divorce rate among Christians is shocking.

    I neither encourage or discourage but would encourage someone to seek the Lord's guidance.
     
  12. Xingyi Warrior

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    Very shocking, but after a recent poll of people claiming to be "born again" believing Christians revealed that the #1 item of importance on the lists for desires for their children was obtaining a good eduacation (about 3 notches above having a personal relationship with Jesus) the reasons become apparent. We simply aren't trusting in God. Our priorities as believers are so screwed up now perhaps only emminent destructuion can be the only cure. In ages past people actually prepared their children for marriage then assisted in helping facilitate relationships that they saw had the possibility for success. Now all that people do is make sure their children can pass the SATACT by the age of six so that they can get into their 'Dream career" Then ironically after a trashed marriage they lose their careers and everything else.
     
  13. El_Guero

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    I would have to say, that of the men I have met that married women from overseas, those men that WANT a wife tend to get happy women. Those men that want a sexual partner tend to do poorly.

    There are always scams. But, does it matter if the broken heart is from an American woman or a foreigner?

    And I do not believe that the Church would do well in this endeavor, we still haven't fixed the divorce issue in our midst. And that is a big part of the reason that American men look for foreign brides, IMHO.
     
  14. Gold Dragon

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    Currently in our culture, for reasons previously discussed marriage in general is "a high risk path with many potential problems". </font>[/QUOTE]Agreed. But the risk is validly seen as greater.
     
  15. Xingyi Warrior

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    Good observation. A person who is seeking only a sexual partner is bound for failure in any case. But looking in our own culture of screwed up gals what more could many of them offer us?

    I would agruably disagree but do understand your perspective. I think what it boils down to is simply that I believe that with an American you have more time up close to them to determine that they are self centered, gold-diggers as opposed to foreign women which you just have to take their word for it that tey're not.
     
  16. El_Guero

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    I think that is the risk. From what I have seen of foreign women, there is a much stronger attachment to a husband. But if they are gold digging, it is gonna be trouble.
     
  17. Xingyi Warrior

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    Absolutely. The only problem
    I have had that is the main reason that I am drawn to a foreign relationship is that:
    1. My GF is a really remarkable person who IS committed not only to her family but also to her Church.
    2.Every American woman I meet church or not and have met in the past few years is primarily motivated by monetary concerns. I have found few who aren't and even if I do then we have nothing in common enough or an attraction beyond anything that will develop into a mutaually exclusive romantic arrangement. Sorry, I'll take my chances overseas.
     
  18. Scarlett O.

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    Oh, I have just the perfect and pithy comment to interject here...

    ...oh, it's just too tempting...so witty...

    ...but I won't say it. ;)

    I'll be good.

    Peace-
    YSIC
    Scarlett O.
    &lt;&gt;&lt;
     
  19. Xingyi Warrior

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    Also interesting to note is that the typical American male who marries a foreign woman is usually above 30, financially prosperous and attractive. However the trend is growing into the younger population including these younger males who are financially secure and attractive. In short these are predominently men with what would be considered here as ample bargaining power for love, sex, committment, etc... But instead are choosing in increasing numbers to pursue this more complex and difficult route. Hmmmmmmmmm
     

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