Christians that separate/divorce

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by AlexL, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. AlexL

    AlexL
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    Hello,

    Just last night a good friend of ours came to our house and said that his wife is separating (with intention to divorce). My wife and I were shocked. We knew they had problems over money and over the husband's inability to stick with any job he gets (he gets bored very quickly) and that seems to be the main reason.

    They are both christians, they have been married for fifteen years and have three children. His wife is a very active and a seemingly zealous christian, always witnessing etc. The husband professes to be saved but is very laid back with not so much zeal and he disagrees with some of the church's stances on things. I would say they are both very immature in the faith (not that I am mature by any means!).

    He came to us asking whether if what she is doing is biblical. He says she thinks he isn't saved and is using 'separation' from non-christians as an excuse.

    I just said that all I know is that separation can occur if a non believing party decides to leave, but a believing couple should work through problems and trust the Lord. I said I would find the bible verses.

    Can anyone help in providing any bible verses and what is the biblical way in such matters.

    If there is another forum to read that already discussed this, please provide the link.

    Thanks
    Alex
     
  2. Filmproducer

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    Seems to me that you need to be sending your friend verses on how to be a good husband. He gets bored quickly? What a lousy excuse for a man with a family.
     
  3. menageriekeeper

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    I have to agree. Getting bored is no excuse for a man or a woman to quit every job that comes along and expecially is no excuse for a married man with a family to support.

    I'm going to tell you that their problems probably go much deeper than just provision. He is already on the defensive, looking for reasons to make his wife look like she is much worse than he is. She seems to be doing the same by questioning his salvation(not necessarily an excuse for divorce btw). When folk come out fighting like this the problems are almost always longlived and won't be sorted out by friends and neighbors. This kind of thing takes some good Christian marriage counseling and willingness on the parts of BOTH parties to take a hard look at themselves in comparison with how the Bible tells us marriage should be.
     
  4. AlexL

    AlexL
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    You are actually not far from the truth both of you.... the guy is what I would call 'a loser'. He has not had a steady job and has not shown any kind of leadership or sense of responsibility in his family. His kids have no respect for him. When he does earn money he doesn't even openly share it with his family and he lets his wife pay for all things.

    At the same time, the wife has always been independent, headstrong and would never contemplate being in submission to her husband ( in the biblical sense), so it takes two to tango.

    I know the problems in their marriage run deep and has deepened in time, and the wife is just fed up. In the whole time we have known them, we have never seen either of them smile in each others presence.

    We are thankfully not too close to them and we are not getting really involved in this, but it got me thinking of what bible verses could help if any.

    We are praying for them ( and have been praying for them for a while now).
     
  5. gb93433

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    There are two problems in that marriage.

    Lack of leadership on his part and lack of submission on her part. Both are in direct disobedience to God. They are receiving the consequences of their sin.
     
  6. menageriekeeper

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    Well forget bothering to give him verses to use "against" his wife. Even in light of what GB says, you don't want him throwing up scripture to her, making her more defensive than she already is and possibly pushing her further into sin. Instead, focus with him on what God says a husband should be.

    I'm awfully tired tonight; to tired to look up the passages that deal with such, but up in the "elavating women" thread, on one of the last few pages there is an excellent post by dwrthohh, complete with scripture that applies here well. This is the link: http://www.baptistboard.com/showthread.php?t=41451&page=33 The post is two or three down from the top. Ignore the rest of the stuff as it doen'st apply here.

    Tomorrow I'll try to look up some others if no one else has by then.
     
  7. Bro. Williams

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    If I read the OP correctly, it wanted verses or a link for scriptual grounds for a divorce, not opinions on who is wrong in the marriage and why the guys a bum (which he seems to be).

    Here are some verses to consider:

    On God not liking divorce:

    Mark 10:4-10 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.\

    Malachi 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

    In Matthew 19:8 Jesus also states that divorcement was instituted becuase of the hardness of man's heart.


    One grounds for divorce
    :

    Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

    1 Corinthians 7:14-15 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

    Those are the only two reasons for divorce I personally know of, if there are others I am not aware of them.

    Let us not forget that the Bible promoted forgiveness, especially among the brethren. A good passage to consider is:

    Ephesians 4:30-32 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

    Hope this helps!
     
  8. Bro. Williams

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    Your post came up after I had clicked to reply and searched out the verses, disregard my opening statement in light of your link to references. Thanks.
     
  9. LeBuick

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    We'll keep them in prayer Alex. I pray the demon leaves their home in tact...

    Quoting scriptures doesn't mean much to a non believer. Someone needs to listen to both sides seperately them get them together to discuss each others thoughts. Sounds like the marriage is already broken and they are just going through the motions. Try to find out what sparked the love at the beginning then what made the fire die.
     
  10. saturneptune

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    posted in error
     
    #10 saturneptune, Jul 26, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2007
  11. AlexL

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    Thanks for the messages. I have appreciated the different viewpoints and the scriptures.

    All we can do for now is pray for them and advise them to see a godly counsellor. I do not want to be some kind of mediator!
     
  12. gb93433

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    Where are the pastors and leaders in their church. Why have thye not paid the couple a visit.

    When I pastored we did that. in some cases the marriage was saved. In others they were hard hearted.

    An attorney friend of mine told me that at one time he handled divorce cases and found that the majority could be saved but the couples were unwilling. So he quit handling divorce cases.
     
  13. menageriekeeper

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    No worries. The scriptures you posted were what I would have looked up this morning, so you did good! :)
     
  14. webdog

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    You nailed it :thumbs:

    Getting bored is no reason to not provide for your family...and that in itself is no reason to divorce your husband. I'm sure "for rich or poor, in good times and in bad..." was in BOTH of their vows to each other.
     
  15. mcdirector

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    That is what's so sad here. Everything is out of sync. It's going to take everyone wanting to get right with God -- wanting to fix the marriage -- getting it back on it's biblical track to make it work. No finger pointing, just humbling themselves will do.
     
  16. Mr.M

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    To the OP I answer thusly:

    To anyone in general I would state the obvious so the 1,000 lb gorilla isn't ignored, divorce is a sin and there is no justifying sin.

    Then I would continue on that God realizes we are sinners and we do sinful things. Hence the forgiveness of God. Keeping married or not keeping married and getting divorce doesn't make you better or worse. It isn't the end all of sins. But it must be seen for what it is, a sin. God forgives and then you move on with the aim of not repeating that it. However, as we all know we repeat many sins many times and multiple divorces in the life of a believer is one of them. No it doesn't make it okay, nothing makes sin okay, but Christ makes us righteous so that in spite of our sin we are the recipients of His great grace, mercy and boundless salvation.

    Now, as to the marriage, if it is unmanageable and they have exhausted realistic solutions then obviously that is between them and God and no one else's business if they are getting a divorce. I would tell the person I appreciate their confidence in me but that their marriage is a divine institution that I have no right to interfere in which includes whether I condone or condemn a divorce. That is their issue. And if they are afraid I won't be their friend if they get a divorce I would tell them I have my sinful weaknesses but determining my friendships based on whether someone is divorced or not isn't one of them and certainly they will have my friendship (albeit I am understanding this is a marriage failure and not one where the Mrs. is shipping out to live with a paramour, otherwise my level of association then would required adjustment and distance but that isn't the case).
     
  17. 2 Timothy2:1-4

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    There is no such thing as a marriage that cannot be repaired. Only people who do not want to.
     
  18. Pastor Larry

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    As for the woman's argument about separating from an unsaved husband, she is in direct disobedience ot the Word. 1 Cor 15 says that a believing spouse is to live with an unbelieving spouse and 1 Peter 3:1ff says that a wife is to be submissive even if her husband is disobedient to the Word.

    She is living in disobedience in this regard. He may be as well.

    My bet is that there is something else going on. I would not be surprised if she is not being unfaithful in some respects. Perhaps she has already checked out of the marriage and is just looking for an excuse.

    He needs to buckle down and hold a job. "Getting bored" sounds like a third graders excuse.

    Both of these people sound like they need some strong biblical confrontation in love.
     
    #18 Pastor Larry, Jul 28, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2007
  19. gb93433

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    I agree. The question I would be asking is, where is the leadership in the church they attend?
     
  20. Mr.M

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    What does church leadership have to do with marriage failures?

    Unless a church is unduly influencing a marriage and interfering, then it might be guilty in part of the cause of failure. Frankly however, the marriage is a matter between the husband and wife and it is a sin to interfere with the someone else's marriage. The wife answers to the husband and the husband to God. No where at any place at any time do the Scriptures teach it is the acceptable role of the church, which includes all of its ministers and members, to interfere with someone marriage.

    Now if people freely solicit counseling that is another matter. The fact is though, in the end, marriage is a private matter between a husband and wife who answer to God alone.

    I do tend to agree with Larry, there seems to be there more than the wife is willing to reveal. Personally though, I would tell her it is really not my business...but I already posted all that.
     

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