Church Bulletin Bloopers

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by Palatka51, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. Palatka51

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    Oct 25, 2007
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    Part 3

    ~ The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours!"

    ~ The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

    ~ The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    ~ A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

    ~ The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

    ~ The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    ~ Evening massage: 6 p.m.

    ~ The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

    ~ The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

    ~ Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

    ~ Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

    ~ Ushers will eat latecomers.

    ~ The third verse of "Blessed Assurance" will be sung without musical accomplishment.

    ~ Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

    ~ Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

    ~ Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

    ~ The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

    ~ In the church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD! Dr. Hargreaves is better.

    ~ Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts...

    ~ The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved...the final secretary gave a grief report.


    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."


    Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!


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