Church Bulletin Bloopers

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by John of Japan, Jun 11, 2014.

  1. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    I have a new joke book: Jolly Jokes for Older Folks by Bob Phillips. Yippee!

    So, some bulletin bloopers from pp. 27-28:

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

    The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 to 8:00 PM. Please use the back door.

    :laugh:
     
  2. Deacon

    Deacon
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    I have a collection of medical typos from our office.
    The use of DragonSpeak software has changed the nature of these errors.

    Sometimes they make some sense and are errors of substitution; one of my favorites of this type is "I encouraged her to use sublingual mitrial blistering" rather than "...sublingual nitroglycerine".

    Another: "... a very pleasant 28-year old male without significant past mental history" (... rather than "medical").

    "He walks his jaw more than a mile a day"

    Sometimes the errors are just of unknown cause:

    "...and he will stop his coccaine therapy."

    On Monday a physician passed this one on to me:
    "I discussed with her Holiness in the interim to see if her symptoms improved."

    A little divine guidance never hurt a physicians practice.

    Rob
     
  3. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    Pressing the "Like" button for Deacon. :thumbs:
     
  4. thisnumbersdisconnected

    thisnumbersdisconnected
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    Old, new, and in between bulletin bloopers:

    Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

    Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community

    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

    The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David

    Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Belzer, is returning from Afghanistan this week.

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday. "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours".
     
  5. Bro. Curtis

    Bro. Curtis
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    :laugh::laugh::laugh:
     

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