Country Church

Discussion in 'Free-For-All Archives' started by Wygal, Apr 21, 2003.

  1. Wygal

    Wygal
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    An email from this morning:

    You might be in a country church if …

    1. The doors are never locked.
    2. The Call to Worship is “Y’all come on in!”
    3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
    4. The Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” and five guys stand up.
    5. The restrooms are outside.
    6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
    7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, “I ain’t ever been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of.”

    8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of “two calves.”
    9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
    10. When it rains, everybody’s smiling.
    11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
    12. A singing group is known as the “OK Chorale.”
    13. The church directory doesn’t have last names.
    14. The pastor wears boots.
    15. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
    16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.

    17. There is no such thing as a “secret” sin.
    18. Baptism is referred to as “branding.”
    19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
    20. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
    21. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 O’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health.

    22. High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.
    23. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
    24. People think “Rapture” is what happens when you lift something too heavy.
    25. The cemetery is in such barren ground that people are buriedwith a sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day.

    26. It’s not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
    27. The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come on back now, ya hear.”
     
  2. wizofoz

    wizofoz
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    ....And your "Sunday Best" is a clean pair of overalls.
     
  3. Singing Cop

    Singing Cop
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    The pastor does not look for a man with a necktie to be the morning usher.....he looks for one wearing shoes! [​IMG]
     
  4. thetaterkid

    thetaterkid
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    ....the deacons chew tobacco on the back row and spit in old metal coffee cans.
     
  5. Dan Stiles

    Dan Stiles
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    Spit? Nope. They spit outside or they swoller it.

    And dogs, some of the local dogs attend more regular than some of the local men. I used to have three sittng or laying down outside the church door, listening to the sermon. Sometimes they'd add an "Amen" howl or yip, too.
     
  6. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    ...A Potluck Dinner is cooked in a huge cast iron pot and with any 'luck', you won't find out what is in the 'pot'.

    :D
    Sue
     
  7. Charlotte Marcel

    Charlotte Marcel
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    Where the congregation feels "progressive" for no longer approving of first cousin courtin' [​IMG]
     
  8. WonderingOne

    WonderingOne
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    The band that plays for the choir to sing consists of a geetar, a banjer, and a fiddle.
     
  9. Wisdom Seeker

    Wisdom Seeker
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    What, no mouth harp or harmonica? They must really be out in the sticks? [​IMG]
     
  10. Lala

    Lala
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    Where can I find this church in MY town!!!


    I would give eye teeth to belong to such a congregation!!

    Laura
     
  11. thetaterkid

    thetaterkid
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    Where the preacher uses the brandspankin' new baptistry to take a bath on Saturday evenings.
     
  12. Dan Stiles

    Dan Stiles
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    Baptistry? We don't need no baptistry. We got a creek just a half a mile down the road.
     
  13. wizofoz

    wizofoz
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    During the winter, you have to put your coat and hat on to go to the "restroom". ;)
     
  14. TaterTot

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    ahhhhem. That is, "crick", and it runs behind the church. They really did use it in years past! Alos, we dont have a church budget (we have "funds") and everything was paid for in cash. And now, instead of them, fillin' us up with all the veggies and cow, we grow our own stuff now!!
     
  15. dpenguin

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    [​IMG]
    When I was 13, the church I belonged to had a "band" - included me on the violin, my brother on the trumpet, my mom on the accordion, the pianist on the piano, and the pianist's husband on the harmonica [​IMG] Just had to share that, it fit so well! [​IMG]
     
  16. wizofoz

    wizofoz
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    Our church does our baptisms in the Tallapoosa River, a few miles from the church. Several other churches baptize in the same place. Someone even put up a wooden cross at the site. It's a beautiful place.

    How about when the church lets out early so everyone can help the Widow Jones get her cow back in the pasture?
     
  17. Dan Stiles

    Dan Stiles
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    ahhhhem. That is, "crick", and it runs behind the church. They really did use it in years past!...</font>[/QUOTE]It's "creek" in my neck of the woods and yes, we still use it. We have to check the banks for traps as well as critters, too.
     
  18. Istherenotacause

    Istherenotacause
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    Where the men folk take a bath every Saturday night, whether they need it or not!
    :eek:
     
  19. thetaterkid

    thetaterkid
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    Where the preacher gets paid in poultry and garden vegetables.
     

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