Dating or Courting?

Riddle me this, a virgin is someone who gives themselves wholey to their mate on their wedding day, correct? Then, is a virgin still a virgin if they've given part of their heart(not sexually) but emotionally to someone other than their future spouse?

 

Wait a second Teresa, elaborate here on what you think a virgin is...

To most people, a virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse. Are you saying that you can give yourself emotionally to your future spouse and be a virgin, but if you give yourself emotionally to someone else then your not a virgin? Your statement confuses me a bit.

 

I wish this thread went a little better. I want to tell those who hold themselves to a high standard and call their relationship courting, to keep up living wholely for God. I also wish to tell those who call their relationship dating and likewise hold themselves to high standard of morality to keep it up.

To any who have kids or friends who are unmarried, raise them/teach them to respect those they have friendships with and relationships the opposite gender. Show them while they are in those relationships, that God expects them to behave in a manner worthy of His pleasure, pure without blemish. Teach them to flee from temptation, and the importance of dating within their belief system (too many marriages are destroyed by opposing beliefs, and confuse all children involved).

Courting
Dating

To me they look the same, either can be tainted by those involved, both can be held pure by those involved. If you have a bad oppinion of one don't judge a couples relationship by what they call it, look at their fruit. If the fruit is spoiled, help them cleanse themselves, if the fruit is good and pleaseing to God, don't sweat the small stuff (their title for their relationship).

God bless

 

Having read the entire thread over the course of two days, there are several underlying unanswered issues that call to me. I hope this post isn't out of place, but I have a difficult time finding the right time of day and frame of mind during which I can actually gather my thoughts coherently. Dinner calls, baby cries, the dryer gets stuck...I have working mom's ADHD, sometimes.

First, I expect that Adam and Teresa are very proud of what MUST feel like a discovery to them. They promote a more or less "hands-off" approach to developing a relationship, and they feel that they have benefited greatly. As I understand it, one limit they have set for themselves relates to the kissing issue, and it seems very important to each of them to share this plan with others on the BB. Perhaps some young people will benefit from the suggestion.

I imagine that the issue is not so much one of disapproval but one of disagreement. I personally have reacted to an implied tone which suggests that "courting" (as Teresa has personally defined it) is the only way that is pleasing to God. As a reader, one feels almost scolded.

The conviction, I believe, lies within both of these young individuals. In an effort to communicate the strength of their convictions, it seems that one or both has stated much of their theories as fact, to be applied to others universally, as shown with the use of definitions. However, as many of the other posters have shown, some of the theory does not clearly stand up to scripture.

I am willing to concede that the difference between courting and dating exists for some individuals. I am not willing to agree that "dating" has prescribed ritual or goal attached to it. It is the people that have those goals and expectations.

One small case in point: According to some, courting encourages the practice of going out in groups. Many of the mistakes I witnessed occurred within the "safety" of a group. Groups often disintegrate into couples very quickly. The pressure is GREAT and situations get awkward.

Yes, parents might assume that youth groups associated with a church provide better boundaries. I am here to state that it does not. Not necessarily, on the contrary, in my experience. Sometimes trust is given BEFORE it is actually earned.

Individuals must define what their limits are, and I do believe that patience is rewarded. But to attach such meaning to a simple word is not the answer. Learning from experience IS a teacher, life builds in natural consequences for sinful behavior. I don't believe that we need to prescribe just one way to grow in love through Christ.

 

Good post Margie- I was actually going to go after posting something like it this morning. You beat me to the chase

To some of us, courting and dating in our minds are two very different things, and to some of us they are the same thing. I can accept that.

The relationship Teresa and I have does feel like a discovery to us. After having followed overall worldly standards the first time we had a committed relationship, we had taken time off, but realized later that God still had a plan for us to be together. Through prayer and talking to other friends who were couples, following God in their relationships, we set up boundries for ourselves, defined what should define our relationship so long as we felt God would allow us to be together, and started a new relationship together.

The whole kissing issue has two key important lessons for us. One, it is a matter of purity. Much like someone who decides they don't want to find out if they would be an alcoholic, so they don't take the first drink, Teresa and I, from our former relationship, both know what we are capable as sinful beings. By not kissing, we know we can avoid alot of temptation. Secondly though, we find not kissing to be something of a...oh I don't know what the word would be, but it is something to say to God that "we're letting you be in control of this one. This is one thing that we want to do to say that we are putting you at the center".

I believe that more than not kissing, Teresa and I advocate relationships between people that are pure in God's eyes (not ours), and that are focused on preparing for a future life together, not the here and now. I think we both know (not to mention I'm sure many, if not most of you know) the pain that results from a sinful relationship, or sinful activities in relationships. Teresa and I don't want to see others go through the pain of making mistakes in their relationships. It isn't that we are after scolding others and trying to make ourselves self-righteous, but we do care about others.

Adam

 

On a light note, I can ay there is one good thing about both members in a marriage not having kissed anyone before..... You don't know if the other is a bad kisser or not. lol No one to cmpare to.