Dating vs Courting

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Joe, Nov 5, 2007.

  1. Joe

    Joe
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    Happy Monday Everyone :)

    A few of my friends and many of my acquaintances are single. This got me thinking. What do you all believe concerning this topic?

    I am married, but if I was single, I can't see asking anyone out on a date. I liken it to blurting out "I am interested in you" to a stranger. Imho, this is a form of flirting. I feel this can be dangerous, especially for women.

    Maybe a bike ride, hike, or some type of group activity would be more appropriate in the beginning. Just act like pals. Then if they appear to be marriage material, then proceed further at a slow pace. This is what we teach.

    Regarding the typical “dinner date”, when two people are in such an intimate atmosphere, then it can’t be unexpected that some bonding might take place, right? So if one party isn't interested in the other afterwards, and they keep calling, how would you let them down gently?

    Does the bible give any indication upon how to go about this?

    What about dating without the goal of marriage if one remains celibate?
     
    #1 Joe, Nov 5, 2007
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  2. npetreley

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    What's a date? For that matter, what's a woman?

    I'd go for a bike ride with a guy, too. Heck, I'd go on a bike ride with an aardvark. I wouldn't expect either to turn into marriage material, though.

    "Get lost, loser." But say it in a nice way.

    Do what?

    If I'm not dating at all, what's to celibate?
     
  3. Joe

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    Stop it npet! My stomach hurts from laughing so hard!! :laugh: :thumbs:

    Bike ride with an Aardvark....:laugh:
     
  4. webdog

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    "Call me again, and I'll call the police!" :D

    Seriously, I would just be honest, that there was no connection.
    Biblical guidance how to let the person down...or date without marriage as a goal? IMO, dating without the ultimate goal of marriage should be stated going into the relationship, or it becomes deceptive. You have one side thinking there could be more, or looking for a long term commitment...and the other looking for basically a friend of the opposite sex.
     
  5. webdog

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    This is a good thread. I'm going to ask my wife if I can do a case study on dating, since it's been so long since I've been on one... :laugh:
     
  6. Brother Bob

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    Careful you don't end up with a transvestite, or if you do and when you find out, its best not to make a scene over it, just try and get it over with as soon as possible, and never ever tell anyone...............:laugh: :laugh: :thumbs:
     
    #6 Brother Bob, Nov 5, 2007
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  7. Scarlett O.

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    Well, dating or going out isn't the same as it was when we were in high school or even college. There's a lot less pressure. We are grown adults and people know when someone is looking for a spouse or is just looking to have a companion to see from time to time.

    When I go out, it's very informal. Someone may call and say something like, "Have you got plans this weekend?" That let's me know he's about to ask me out. So, if I'd like to see him, I say, "Not much....whatcha got in mind?" And he'll say, "I don't know....what do you want to do." Like I said, it's straight to the point and informal.

    There's no expensive restaurant on first date or flowers or candy.....we're looooong past that.

    If I don't want to go, I'll say, "Yeah, I've got a lot to do this weekend." But we'll chit-chat on the phone a while anyways. The pressure to "make a move" or to "let someone down gently" is, like I said, not nearly as great.

    One guy calls me and that all he wants to DO is chit-chat. That's OK, but he calls AFTER 10:30.......I'm about to nod off in the conversation sometimes. :laugh:

     
  8. Joe

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    Yeah :thumbs: Let's head over to a Starbucks and do a "case study" on women together. We are both about the same age, and apparently look alike. Two blonds with green eyes!

    Hopefully, the doublemint twins will be there. Except now I must be dreaming :sleeping_2:
     
  9. abcgrad94

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    My hubby and I try to go on a "date" with each other about once a week. Nothing expensive or extremely time consuming, but it keeps the communication lines open. I highly recommend it for married couples!

    As for unmarried couples, group outings are safer and help people establish friendships before dating/courtship.
     
  10. npetreley

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    That was my policy, too. It didn't help, though. I'm still convinced it's important.
     
  11. annsni

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    OK - It's also been many years since I last dated too, but here are my thoughts:

    I'd never "date" a guy I didn't know. I'd have to know enough about him ahead of time to know if he's a quality guy or not. I'd also not be so much about "dates" as just "doing" things together. I'd want to be able to do some ministry together - hang out with friends, and do fun things.

    If there was ever a point where I didn't think the relationship was worth continuing to pursue, then I'd let them know. No sense in putting time into a lost cause.

    With my girls (who are now 15 and 17), we're really encouraging them to wait a bit until they start dating (and they've taken it to heart so far) and to concentrate on their schooling and growing in the Lord. But when the time comes for them to date, I've encouraged them to know the guy well first and really look at him as a potential husband and to always watch to see if he's the kind of man they'd want to be married to. If the answer is ever "no", then it's time to get out of the relationship. I thank God that my girls respect our feelings on this and are willing to listen to our counsel. I don't envy them right now either. This is a tough time to date, IMO.
     
  12. LeBuick

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    We tried this also, for some reason my wife insisted the date wasn't over when we got to the dinner place. She took my blackberry when it kept going off so I called her jelous.

    Does Church count as a date?
     
  13. Joe

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    Oh my :confused:
    Since you joke sometimes, maybe this was tongue and cheek
     
    #13 Joe, Nov 5, 2007
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  14. webdog

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    Oh...you are talking about going on a date with your spouse! I see. I was wondering how my date would mind my wife tagging along :laugh:
     
  15. The Scribe

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    Happy Monday!? A happy Monday is one you don't have to work. ;)

    Yes, the Bible says a lot about dating and marriage.
    We are to remain completely celibate until marriage.
    It's difficult to find someone who believes this.



    Why date if your goal isn't marriage? If the couple burns with a passion it's better for them to marry. I believe that's in the Bible. ;)
     
  16. Joe

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    Ok then Scribe. Then what if you don't burn with passion, maybe you have a low sex drive and want to date. I have met more than a few faithful Christians who say they don't ever want to marry, but enjoy dating.

    To answer, I don't know why single people date without wanting to get married. I guess there are different reasons for each person.
     
    #16 Joe, Nov 5, 2007
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  17. The Scribe

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    It maybe low, but there's still room for temptation. How many said they would wait until marriage and didn't? Give me a nickel for everyone of them and I'd be rich. Just look on any "christian" dating site and you will see what I mean.
     
  18. Joe

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    I guess most are probably not being celibate then. Or maybe they are inwardly battling with swinging the wrong way. But if they are being celibate, and faithful to God, I can't see any reason why they can't have a long term boyfriend. Everyone sees it as fine with the old people, often they just want a buddy.
     
  19. Andy T.

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    The contemporary, serial dating culture has significantly contributed to the divorce culture that we now live in. Josh Harris has written a couple of books on courtship, which I think are helpful. Not that I necessarily agree with him on all points, but his general thesis is on target. His ideas are definitely better than the modern dating culture, which the church has taken in hook, line and sinker.
     
  20. Sopranette

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    My own father was pretty strict with us girls. Anybody we wanted to date had to run it past my dad first. Any boy who could manage to pull this off had a thumbs up from me. Call me old fashioned (my own parents think I am), but a "courtship" means a serious plan towards marriage. Ideally, both would be celibate until their marriage day. A "date" would be something more like a group or a double date with friends getting together for a movie or something like that. A "date" would be something teenagers would do, a "courtship" would be more for adults. I don't think it's really appropriate for a young couple to be going out without their parents knowing about it firsthand, although I know most young people do these days. I think the approval of your own pastor would be a nice touch, quite romantic really. Women seek stability more than anything else. "Let's just be friends" is pretty much standard code for thanks but no thanks.

    love,

    Sopranette
     

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