Dealing with slandering gossips in the church

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by evangelist6589, Jan 9, 2012.

  1. evangelist6589

    evangelist6589
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    My goodness this one gal whom used to attend the singles group at my church is a gossip. I learned from someone yesterday that the reason I am being left out from a certain clique and their activities in the singles group is because this person does not like me. I know in the past I have felt uncomfortable around this person because of her hyper ego, and the way she drives. Once I was riding in her car and she was constantly texting, or doing something on her phone while diving making the conditions unsafe. I said something, and she got ticked. Then sometime later send her an article on text messaging while driving, and then she really got ticked and booted me from her FB friends.

    Her gossip about me and not including me in activities is what we call division! I regret trying to help some people in that clique was a big mistake. This one guy whom I drove back to his house several times, not once offered me any gas money or anything. I think I wasted my time trying to help them and I wont repeat that mistake. Her hyper ego is not good. She always thinks she is better, etc.. Causing division in the body is not good. However due to her personality, and wealth she can get away with doing these things. Its really too bad but its what you get with the body of Christ when dealing with immature people.


    John
     
    #1 evangelist6589, Jan 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2012
  2. plain_n_simple

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    Are you gossiping now?
     
  3. freeatlast

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    John I will tell you up front I am not a fan of singles groups. They are a open pit to sin much of the time. That being said I just suggest that you try and show this person kindness and not try and change her while not getting caught up in the same things she is doing that you feel is wrong.
    Greet her, be kind to her, pray for her, and move on.
     
  4. windcatcher

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    Sometimes it's too easy to get irked and venting seems to be one's way of letting go of pent up emotions...... often before one has taken time to evaluate one's self. This is an observation from my own experience of "being there, done that" and is not meant to be a personal attack of you.

    Let's take the ride provided first: I don't think (or would like to believe) that you resented giving the brother or sister (our postiion with each other in Christ Jesus) a ride. With the expense of gas now a days.... I can well agree that it would have been thoughtful of the other person if some offer for fuel had been made. Having a limited income myself, I can understand when an unexpected expense because of providing some kind of relief to another's need or request. That said, one has to reason out for himself... whether he can afford giving a free ride or make a deal upfront.... or certainly before one trip morphs into an expectation of routine and you feel abused by another's taking you for granted. Just say "no" applies. But the decision to ask for gas money or limit the free trip offers is in your control and you must reach a point where you take responsibility for the decision you make. This is within your power. Just because a brother or sister is a Christian doesn't mean they are sensitive to your needs or your expectations.... nor can they read your mind anymore than you can read theirs. But, another way of looking at such personal sacrifices of effort, or cost, or inconvienence is also in the attitude and thought processes one cultivates within one's self.
    The natural "man" within me still wants to rise up with offense and see myself as victim of my good will and generosity.... being taken for granted by another. It is much harder for me to discipline myself and bring my spirit under control of the Holy Spirit and allow God's grace to work through me and do such cheerfully and without unnecessary restraint "as unto the Lord". When taking on the mind of Christ.... what I allow and do is then according to what I think is God's will, and at which point I'd be tempted to resent or feel abused and taken advantage of 'my good nature'.... I refuse.
    The other issue about a driver texting etc. is not clear enough for me to make comment other than driving is a skill for those who are alert and focus their attention on the road. If you're a guest in another's car.... you have the right to expect from him safe driving habits and refuse to ride with him if he(she) refuses to comply. This is not gossip until you tell another.... and it may not be even then if it happens to be another person who position and role is authority over that driver... as a parent over a minor youth or still materially responsible for that person: or perhaps the group leader who accepted the offer of this member to transport other members of the groupt to a function and did not have this knowledge of safety habits when decision was made.

    The next is my perception.... for what it is worth. If it fits then maybe it may help strengthen you. If it doesn't fit then please don't worry over it and trouble yourself. Each of us likes the approval of others. Often times it is a strong motivator behind why we do what we do. The battle is within one's being.... the spirit says to do all for the glory of God.... but the flesh wants its glory(pride) and its affirmation. Gifts, free rides, etc., don't equal genuine friendship. Find your place in the Lord where you are first honest with God and yourself and lean on Him for guidance.... and then be authentic with all those around you. That way God will provide you with true friends and those you think you have lost may not have been the best for you in the will of God for your life. While fellowship with others and their friendship is important, consider that your spiritual growth (becoming the person God wants you to be) is the foremost goal and reward of your church youth and singles groups. The closer you follow after God the more attractive and fulfilled you will be in those friendships which God gifts to you as reward.
    Yes, in this earnest need for friendship you may find moments like thirsting in a dry dessert.... but, make knowing and obeying the Lord your priority and in patience possess your soul.... and the Lord will reward you when it is His time. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.... and all these things will be added unto you. Love one another as Christ has loved you.... for by this do all men know that you are his disciple.
     
  5. Scarlett O.

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    Yeah, 'cause you just know that we single people are all just swinging from the chandeliers. :rolleyes::rolleyes:


    This is the best advice so far in this thread.
     
  6. matt wade

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    You seem to have a problem playing well with others. Maybe you need to look to self rather than everyone else?
     
  7. HAMel

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    Are you gossiping now?

    plain_n_simple, I would have to say, "no". That's not gossip! That's openly discussing a problem one is facing and their concerns are real.

    Why is it that we can all bring up and discuss the short-comings of all things around us but should keep silent when a specific person is involved. We can be complainers against a Corporation and go as far as to boycott..., but can't take exception to the actions of an individual.

    evangelist6589, it would appear to me the problem is your "friend" simply doesn't want to face the truth. Driving and texting/cell-phoning is dangerous and they know you are right, they just refuse to admit it. This person probably can't even apologize for a wrong.

    I'd ride with someone else and be around to pick up the pieces after the carnage happens on the highway.

    You can tell people but you can't tell 'em much!
     
  8. evangelist6589

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    She is going to a different church.
     
  9. blackbird

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    How do you make a gossip's tongue a mile long?????



    You cut off about 2 miles of it!!!!!!


    :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
     
  10. blackbird

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    The church gossip came down to the front during the invitation

    She grabs the preacher by the hand and says

    Preacher!!!! I want to lay my tongue down on the altar!!!!!

    The preacher looks at her and says

    Lady----our altar ain't but 14 feet long---but lay it down there and we'll do the best we can!!!!!

    :saint::saint:
    :laugh::laugh:
     
  11. evangelist6589

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    Yeah I would agree. She does seem to have a big ego. I am regretting that I ever helped her. I know if it were not for me she still would be hanging out with the old ladies. I welcomed her, greeted her, and invited her to the singles group. Big mistake!!! She is gone, but she still has little get togethers with her friends. She has a nice house and swimming pool so people will like her for that.

    I may contact her pastor of this new church if necessary.


    Oh and bye the way he last singles retreat we had I was assigned to her, but chose a different driver because I am so sick and tried of her constant texting and fiddling with that iPhone when she is driving. I remember once on FB she boasted about how much better her iPhone was of all GPS systems. I said that this was false, and that no iPhone can match that of a stand alone GPS, like the Garmin one I have. That comment ticked her off and she removed it from her wall. I tried to correct in love, but her ego is large.

    Another thing that really angers me about her is that she loves to put down my BlackBerry. I have challenged her several times on that, but she takes it personally. She got this one gal in the group to go iPhone and she put down my Blackberry. Sadly some of the others in her clique joined in on the effort to bash the Blackberry and idolize the iphone.

    Why did I ever help this person? I regret having done so. I should have never invited her to the singles group. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






     
    #11 evangelist6589, Jan 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2012
  12. matt wade

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    How old are you and do you have any diagnosed mental problems?
     
  13. HAMel

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    After further reading it would appear that youthfulness/immaturity is playing a big role in all of this.
     
  14. Oldtimer

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    This reminds me of watching church fight over the color of the carpet to go down the center isle. Christians allowing material things take their eyes off God and what He wants them to do, to be.

    Satan did a lot of damage in that church when the red carpet folks turned against the blue carpet folks. Something as petty as that issue drove a deep wedge into the fellowship that previously existed.
     
  15. Mexdeaf

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    Am I the only one who detects a lack of grace in this situation?

    You don't help people then expect them to do the right thing, You help people because it is the right thing to do regardless of how they respond to it.

    A person who calls himself an 'evangelist' should be mature enough to deal with the foibles of others without taking it to a public forum or threatening to call the other person's new pastor.
     
  16. Tom Bryant

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    Why would you contact the pastor of her new church unless you just want revenge on her for wrongs she has supposedly done to you?

    If a person contacted me about a member with what you have said in this thread, I'd suspect that you had tried to date her and she turned you down and you wanted to have the last word. But that's jus' me...:tonofbricks:
     
  17. annsni

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    See, I would disagree. It is in how it was given to us that totally labels it as gossip. Let's see the difference:

    * What do I do? I'm having some difficulty with someone at church and I'm not sure how to handle it. It seems that one person isn't happy with me because of some corrections I've made in what she is doing and so I'm being shut out of activities because of this. She seems to have a lot of influence in the group and it really bothers me. How can I deal with this in a godly way? Should I just walk away from the group? Should I speak to the person? I want to be sure my own attitude is not wrong in this as well. I'm praying and asking for some guidance. Thanks!

    * [insert what was posted]

    See, there are personal attacks in what was stated and there was information that was given that we really didn't need. It was quite self-centered and instead of looking to do the godly thing, it was looking to do what's best for me. This is something that I've taught my girls and I do hope that they have grabbed onto it.

    To the OP, I'd say to pray and ask God to give you a servant's heart, to not look only to your own benefit and if need be, leave the group if it is not a group that is bringing you closer to the Lord and growing you in your walk with Him.
     
  18. Arbo

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    Baptists call it "sharing".
    :smilewinkgrin:
     
  19. preacher4truth

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    evangelist6589,

    Brother, I see a recurring theme here with you. This is meant and is in love. You have mentioned several incidents where some have become offended at you, and not just in this thread, you have mentioned it in others.

    Some may have the "gift" of offending people perhaps. It's nothing to be proud of, and some are quite proud of this "gift."

    To your story; Was it wrong for you to tell her to pay attention to the road, or asking her to stop doing whatever she was doing causing danger? Not at all. It's all in how one says it.

    As you admit, things didn't go too well when you did, and this isn't the first time you've had some trouble in the area of "telling people" something, and had it have some repercussions. But then you send her another form of media, pushing the issue, which ended any hope for a healthy relationship in the immediate future. I don't believe that is wise brother. There is no reason to prove you're right, in doing this you've alienated someone.

    Brother, having dealt with such types, as you, not her, please consider that it is not because you are a fortress of truth and because of your being "able to tell people the truth!" that the fault lies with them. Such an attitude is prideful and imprudent. Some preachers and Christians don't think they've "done their job" until someone is offended by the "truth" that they preach. Some even go out wanting to offend someone, and plan to do so.

    At one point early in our ministry, we had a nice couple with some children who desired to lead our youth group in Bible study. As I went to visit these folks in their home, let me just say that the conditions they lived in would not allow them to be any type of leader. It wasn't the home value, size, quality, it was the conditions in the home. Now, I could have preached to them and "told them the truth!" but I didn't do that. Actually heartbroken and not wanting to tell them, I went to my former pastor and asked what I should do. "Pray that they come to their own conclusions that they aren't ready brother." I did. They called and said they just weren't ready, and I thanked them and told them I loved them, NEVER mentioning they need to fix things, or even bringing it up. Why? Because they know brother! Now, some "others" would have preached to them and offended them, alienated them, and ended any opportunity for a relationship and ministry.

    Now to the point she won't include you? Who cares if she doesn't want to include you in activities. Brother, this reminds me of a Jr. High mentality "she won't include me in activities!" What about your part? Have you asked yourself why people/a person may not want you around, and what it is in your behavior that may cause people to feel this way?

    By the way, in your OP you made it sound as if this situation is current. Later on in the thread you say she isn't even in the church anymore! So, if that is the case, then why are you bringing it up now as if it is?

    Now you move to another issue; A person you gave a ride to. He never offered you a dime. OK? When you took him and offered to give him a ride, or whether you simply agreed to do so when asked, however the situtation came up, don't you think you should've done it unto the Lord, not expecting a thing in return? Isn't that a Biblical principle? We then do things, and if we don't get something back for it, it's wasting our time? I think you know better than that brother.

    Again, I say all of this in love for a brother and pray that you may grow here. Brother it's you, not them.

    - Peace
     
    #19 preacher4truth, Jan 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2012
  20. Mexdeaf

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    ^^ What he said, amen!
     

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