I just read it, by Rabi Maharaj. I am totally stunned and amazed! For those who haven't read it, I suggest you pick it up! A few things that really grabbed me: 1. A striking similarity to my own experience, as I've posted on here before. For example, the idea of finding out what you thought was true isn't, wanting the truth but not knowing how, and coming to the conclusion that if you cannot find that, then suicide is the only escape. 2. It is almost word for word what I have posted here in my own testimony in the first year I joined this board. "Alone in my room once again, I paced the floor, feeling that two armies were doing battle within. ..... I seemed to face a choice between life and death and was being torn apart by forces that were pulling me in both directions." That just amazes me. For those that don't know, here's a brief testimony. I was in an LDS church, started studying and researching against their wishes and advice, and my faith in the LDS church was being shaken. I had a Baptist friend and her husband had me come over to talk to him about religion. We did this three times, and on the third night he laid it all out, then kicked me out of the house. I left and considered driving into a tree and just ending it all. I didn't, obviously. At home that night I went to my bedroom and paced the floor...the rest is identical to what Rabi said in the quote above. In the end Christ won and I fell to my knees exhausted and weeping and barely able to pray but knowing Christ won and I was safe. Back to the book. It really is an eye opener! I am sitting here shocked at some of the stuff I've "dabbled" in or thought was kinda cool. (yoga, mysticism, deep relaxation techniques) The relationships he describes...his thoughts towards people who didn't believe like him when he was an unbeliever, people's reactions both good and bad after he became a Christian...well, GET THE BOOK! Probably one of the most interesting concepts is how pre-Christian, so many of us once proclaimed we were "better" because we loved people regardless, that we were so open and embracing of humanity without prejudice, yet we hated Christians. For others who have been there, isn't it amazing that we did that and were so blind to the plain contradiction we had going on there?!