Deceitful Reverend

Discussion in 'Other Christian Denominations' started by GodzPropertee, Jul 1, 2006.

  1. GodzPropertee

    GodzPropertee
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    Hello, I'm coming to you from Tennessee to express a very common problem among preachers, ministers, reverends. I met a Baptist reverend on the internet in Aug. of 2005 and we started communicating daily. He told me he had been divorced for 2 years. We shared other personal information about ourselves as well. He had shared with me his desire to pastor his own church and said he was looking for his First Lady. Things really took off with us and we spent hours and hours on the telephone, we would fall asleep talking and awaken the next morning. We made plans to meet, and even talked marriage.

    In Oct. 2005, to my surprise, I received a phone call from his WIFE, who cleared up a few things. She told me they had been separated for 2 years and had been talking reconciliation. However, he lives in Michigan and she had relocated to another state after the separation. She said that she felt he had not been truthful with her. Needless to say things went down hill from there, we had argument after argument, and eventually quit talking. I was very upset and angry with him and felt very betrayed that a man of God, particularly a Reverend would do such a thing. I know were all human and fall short of the way God would have us live, but, in my opinion, a man in the pulpit leading God's sheep should have his house in more order. His walk should be better and stronger than the average man sitting in the congregation, otherwise, anyone can sit in the pulpit. His wife took everything that had transpired to the Pastor of the church, and...well, he's still in the pulpit.

    Beginning of April 2006, this reverend called me again and expressed his apologies for pursuing me before his divorce was final, etc. etc. He said he had filed for his divorce and it should be finalized very soon. We started talking again, and talked a lot about what had transpired between us. As the weeks passed he told me he had received the divorce papers to sign. I still had some reluctance at this point but continued to talk to him anyway.

    It was a coincidence that we would both be in ATL the beginning of May so we made plans to meet. We also met 2 other times after that, spending several days together in the same hotel room. Anyway, things blew up recently and I called him a name. He said he didn't like the way I blew up at him and he was done. Now he doesn't answer my phone calls and doesn't care to here what I have to say. Here I am again so upset I could explode, angry at him, and myself for allowing him a second chance. Now that I think about, he still may not be divorced, even though he said he received the final papers. I am having so many ill thoughts towards him right now.

    I would like your opinion on the proper way to handle a situation like this. I had thought about contacting his pastor myself and I had also thought about referring this to whatever Baptist board governs the churches in Michigan. I'm not Baptist so I don't know the procedure, or if it's even worth it (I attend a nondenominational church). This guy is so cocky and arrogant, he doesn't even have a clue. He thinks all he has to do is confess his wrong and move on. What should I do?
     
    #1 GodzPropertee, Jul 1, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2006
  2. BCF Jeff

    BCF Jeff
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    As I read your post I was saddened by your situation. I don't mean to judge only to give sound advice. I also want you to know that God loves you and made you for His special purpose.

    First, because someone serves in position or has gained a title does not gaurentee that one is holy or enjoys a right telationship with the Lord. It is very possible the reverend n questin may not truly have a relationship with Jesus and is only going through the motions. (He could be a hearer and even preacher of the Word and not a doer of the Word.) Always check that a man's preaching and living are in acordance with the written Word of God.

    Second, I would advise that you do not associate with this man. He clearly is not living a life that reflects faith in Christ. Your first clue would be he lied about his devorce. (Although this may possible been a misunderstanding based upon seperation vs devorce lingo) The biggest warning tho would be his sugguesting or even willingness to share a hotel with a woman hi is not married to. You on't have to be a great theologian to descern integrity.

    As to how to procede, we are commanded to forgive those who tresspass against us. Forgive him yes but, do not let him drag you into his sin. Just avoid further contact with him.

    Also, Baptist denomiations do not have authoritative boards that can discipline him. However, it might be prudent to bring his lack of integrity to the attention of his pastor.

    Again, I mean not to be judgmental but be careful of men which not faithful before marriage because marriage will not change a man's integrity.
     
  3. bmerr

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    GodzPropertee,

    bmerr here. I'd say your situation is a rare one. At least, I hope it is. Let me say up front that I am not a Baptist, nor am I in the habit of defending Baptists, or any denominationalist, for that matter.

    I will say that most of the denominational preachers I know are pretty stand-up, morally straight guys. Good family men, honest in their business dealings with others.

    The issue of this fellow's divorce (or supposed divorce) is pretty troubling, though. It seems to me, that if he were a "man of God", he would be concerned with complying with God's law of marriage, which is one man for one woman from the marriage altar to the cememtary, with one exception (Matt 19:4-6, 9).

    If his divorce (?) was due to his wife's fornication, then he would be free to remarry. If it was due to his fornication, then he is not free to remarry. And if it was for any other cause, if either one of them remarries, then they commit adultery against their spouse.

    Ma'am, I'd stay well away from this fellow. There's more to be avoided in him than what you've already discovered, which is reason enough.

    In Christ,

    bmerr
     
  4. Helen

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    I'm sorry, but what the bananas are you doing staying in the same hotel room with a man you are not married to....and then criticizing him for HIS Christian walk?

    It seems to me both of you need to take Christ more seriously.
     
  5. bmerr

    bmerr
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    bmerr here. Well said, Helen. I thought about that, too, after I posted. WHATTHEBANANAS! :laugh:
     
  6. genesis12

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    My thoughts, exactly. Both of you need to "get right with God," as we say.
     
  7. Joseph M. Smith

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    GodzPropertee, what these last posters are saying is that you are enabling this man's irresponsibility. You sound as though you are a very needy person ... needy in terms of having a close and loving relationship with someone. But meeting on line and opening yourself up to misrepresentations of this kind is not the way to go. There are too many stories of similar predators looking for nothing more than pulling at someone's heartstrings in order to gain sex, money, affirmation, or whatever.

    I would suggest that you simply leave this man alone. Inasmuch as, as others have told you, there is no such thing as a board of supervisors over Baptist ministers, finding someone to discipline him will not be productive. Pursuing him in order to punish him will only drain your energies and poison your spirit. I encourage you to put him out of your mind and move on. Are you a part of a church where there may be some transparently honest and Christian men to meet?
     
  8. Matt Black

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    What everyone else has said. Stay well away and certainly don't be in the same hotel room - that's just a temptation to sin for both of you.
     
  9. GodzPropertee

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    I hear what all of you have said, and I am in complete agreement. I have tried to recapture this experience in as few words as possible, while hitting all of the important points, but there are things we shared that brought us to the point of even feeling comfortable enough to share a room. We both expressed our feelings of wanting to refrain from sex until marriage. I felt that, being the reverend he is and very active in his church, that we could both handle it. And that WE could rise above the temptation.

    I dont consider myself "needy" but I am at a point where I very much desire a christian mate, so maybe I am a bit vulnerable. I have been celebate for over 10 yrs, he's been separated for 2. As for me criticizing him, I do hold those preachers and teachers of the word in higher accountability. They are the ones leading the flock. 1 Tim 3 "...if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?" If he had been another member sitting in the congregation, I would not have been as disappointed. Let me say that he does have some christian qualities about him; he didnt smoke, drink, cuss, he has a quiet, forgiving spirit, he studies the bible regularly, we even studied together at times, and he's very intelligent. Those are just some of the things that attracted me to him. It's not such a rare case as some may think, I have chatted with 4 preachers online, including the one I met. Three of them turned out to be married/separated; the other I"m not sure because there were other things that ended our chat.

    I just wanted to bring this to the attention of this forum for the purpose of feedback and to make a decision as to how I would proceed (whether to speak to his pastor, or just leave it alone).
    I do intend to stay away from this reverend, but I think it's disheartening that he is still in the pulpit. But, I also know that the lord is not through with him or me yet.

    Thanks to all who responded, I appreciate your input. You've all made some very good points.
    Blessings
     
  10. LeBuick

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    The LORD will judge him according to his works. It appears he is looking forward to a rewardless eternity.

    As for you, make sure you have learned by this experience and at the same time don't harden your heart so to close it to the GOD sent mate. See first the kingdom and he promised to add the rest to you...
     
  11. gekko

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    if you marry the guy. its considered adultery.

    matthew 5:32b "... and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

    so. the guys divorced. both people who were once married are still alive. you marry that guy. its considered adultery.

    dont take this as me judging. i dont wish to judge.

    but examine scripture before you do stuff.
     
  12. pinoybaptist

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    Same questions I had in my mind.

    Anyway, as far as the "Reverend" is concerned, remember that only the LORD is Reverend.

    :Fish: :flower:
     
  13. Eliyahu

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    Pinoy!
    How come you have the same thought I have!
    Only God is Reverend!:thumbs:


    Godzpropertee,
    I guess the OP poster is a lady, not a worker or a deacon for inviting a pastor, right?

    There is no distinction between Clergy ( Minister, Pastor, Priest, etc) and Laywomen, Laymen according to the Bible because we find all the believers are the Priests ( 1 Peter 2:5, 2:9, Rev 1:6). There is no special group of people called REverend or Pastors according to the Bible ( even though some people misunderstand about Eph 4:7-11 which is talking about the gifts by Christ, not the office)
    All should be called either Brothers or Sisters ( Matt 23:8-11)

    Any pastors are not different from any other human beings. Don't be cheated by any hypocrisy. Both you and the pastor seem to be quite casual in having relationships, even if he may have cleared up the matter of divorce.
    In a certain sense, churches must have helped you by prayer so that you may find the proper candidate for the marriage. Hope God shows you the mercy and grace so that you find the right person.
    In the meantime, please remember the following verse:

    2 Tim 3:13 But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.
     
    #13 Eliyahu, Jul 10, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2006
  14. Tom Bryant

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    If I was a church leader and the pastor was doing what you have described, I'd want to know about it. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but this guy seems too polished with his act for it to be an isolated situation. I'd let his church know.

    Now that may not be a problem for the church since his current church is allowing him to continue pastoring even though he and his wife are separated. But I'd still let the church know so they could investigate this situation.
     
  15. BCF Jeff

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    I totally agree.

    I am a pastor and I would hate to find out a staff member was trying to pull this kind of garbage.

    BTW, if he were on my staff I would suspend him with pay on condition that he seek counsolling for himself and marriage counsoling with his wife. If he refused I would have no choice but to fire him.
     
  16. LeBuick

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    We don't pay associates but I agree that I would set him down for a bit. Sounds like if you set him down long enough he'll go away.

    Question, do you guys think he is still married?
     
  17. LeBuick

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    So why did we baptist pick up this title? What should we be, just Brother?
     
  18. BCF Jeff

    BCF Jeff
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    I think the title in this case is to denote the profession. My business cards include the title but no one usually call me Reverend unless they are trying to sell me or the church something. Also, when I am to speak at a civic event or lead in prayer for a civic club they normally put the title in the agenda. Still few people ever refer to me a Reverend. Normally they call me Pastor Jeff or just pastor. (They called me preacher in Alabama.)

    I sometimes hear younger ministers insist on being addressed by their title but that normally fades as they become more comfortable as ministers and stop relying on title and instead their reputations to eatablish a repertoire`with those they minister to.
     
    #18 BCF Jeff, Jul 10, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2006
  19. SBCPreacher

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    Every time I get called Reverend, I think of The Reverend Jesse Jackson or The Reverend Al Sharpton. I would MUCH rather be called Pastor, or Preacher, or even "boy" would do from my older church members. I do have one who calls me "Padre."
     
  20. BCF Jeff

    BCF Jeff
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    :applause: :thumbs:

    I like the sound of padre. Maybe as a nickname rather than a title
     

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