Divorce and Remarriage

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by sandinmyears, Apr 11, 2004.

  1. sandinmyears

    sandinmyears
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    I am very recently divorced (not by choice). My (ex)husband is soon to be remarried to the woman for whom he left me.

    I read in Mark 10:11,12
    (11) He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. (12) And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

    I also read in Matthew 5:32 "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

    I was put in the situation of a divorce. (It wasn't by choice). My spouse was unfaithful to me. He chose to leave me and "their" relationship continues even to this day. When I read Mark 10, I feel like I'm bound to the vows of that marriage (or atleast not allowed to enter another marriage). Matthew 5, seems to leave a little more up for discussion with the clause "except for marital unfaithfulness."

    This is still referring to divorce, however, not remarriage. Is it unbiblical for me to be considering dating and possibly marrying again? If I were to remarry, would this be adultery for myself and for the man that I was to marry?

    ~Sandy
     
  2. dianetavegia

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    Sandy, once your husband leaves you and remarries, scripture has this to say:

    This 'sin' is on your husband. He left you after breaking his vows to you. God has given you peace in this circumstance. You are no longer in bondage to that marriage, through no fault of your own.

    Diane
     
  3. Thankful

    Thankful
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    Hi Sandy,

    Welcome to the Women's Forum. Join us in

    The Meeting Place

    We just talk about day to day activities and try to uplift each other.

    I am truly sorry that you have experienced this in your life!

    I totally agree with Diane. She has given you very good advice that as you can see is scriptually based.

    Betty
     
  4. amberrose

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    ladies...would that apply to me...I left hubby...under police protection in an ambualnce with a fracture skull....would it be wrong for me to date etc?(sorry i didn't mean to hyjack the thread)
     
  5. dianetavegia

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    Amber, I'd start a new thread on this if I were you. We'll get a lot of men wanting to discuss this too. We've had MANY discussions about this and it gets pretty heated.

    Diane
     
  6. sandinmyears

    sandinmyears
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    Thanks. I appreciate the feedback.

    My friends tell me it's ok, but I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.
     
  7. Thankful

    Thankful
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    Amber, as Diane said this topic has been discussed many times and has become very heated!

    If you would like advice from women but not debate, then a good place to start a topic would be in the private women's forum.
     
  8. Su Wei

    Su Wei
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    Jesus Himself answered you! [​IMG]

    Mark 10:1-12 "And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again. And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery."

    Jesus lays down the principle for marriage from GOd's perspective: He created one man for one woman and the two shall become one flesh.
    Divorce was never His plan. And that's why remarriage is also a defilement of God's Holy plan.

    1 Corinthians 7:13-16 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

    I beg to differ (with all due respect) with sis Diane on the verse she posted for the following reasons:

    1) scripture cannot contradict scripture.
    2) 1 cor 7:15 need not mean a license to remarry. That seems to be read into it.
    3) and the following verse 1 cor 7:16 talks about saving the unfaithful spouse!

    "For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"

    Surely not through being unfaithful yourself?
    I do know it does seem perposterous that one should remain faithful to an unfaithful spouse. Why on earth should he deserve fidelity when he is unfaithful??? But isn't it all too reminescent of the prophet Hosea? A mirror of God's faithfulness to unfaithful Israel?

    Sister, God will hold you through this difficult period. Trust and obey! [​IMG]

    But I leave you to study the scriptures yourself, dear sister. [​IMG] God will give you light if you humbly seek Him on His terms.

    Your friend,
    Sis Suwei
     
  9. Thankful

    Thankful
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    What does this scripture say happens to the woman when her husband puts her away?

    It says nothing.

    Sandy did not put her husband away.
    The above scripture does not talk about Sandy's case.

    However, the following scripture does:

    IMO, there is no contradiction in these scriptures.
     
  10. dianetavegia

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    SuWei, I am VERY anti-divorce (even for adultery as I recall Christ saying we are to forgive our brother who sins against us 70 X 7) but the scripture I gave is quite clear to me. I believe it says a person who is desserted by an unbelieving spouse may remarry as they are no longer bound to the person who left them. If it is another believer, then reconcilliation must be sought and expected.

    1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Is not under bondage (ou dedoulwtai). Perfect passive indicative of doulow, to enslave, has been enslaved, does not remain a slave. but God hath called us to peace; which ought to be sought after and maintained, so far as it can be consistent with truth, the glory of God, the honour of Christ, and interest of religion. The believing party being threatened with a desertion, ought as much as possible to seek for peace and reconciliation, and do all that can be to prevent a departure; for saints are called by the grace of God, to follow after and cultivate peace, not only with one another in their Christian communion as saints, but with all men, even their enemies, and especially with such as are so nearly allied; wherefore the departure should not be easily admitted, or a new marriage be suddenly entered into, reconciliation, if it can be obtained, being most eligible and becoming a Christian. John Gill's Exposition
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I believe Sandy is no longer under bondage to her exhusband and is free to marry again.

    Diane
     
  11. gb93433

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    Sometimes we need to go a little farther and define what adultery actually is. As you will notice in the following verses, adultery is any deviation from God’s perfect plan. It is not always of a sexual nature.


    James 4:4, “You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

    Jeremiah 3:8,9, “And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also. "Because of the lightness of her harlotry, she polluted the land and committed adultery with stones and trees.”

    Ezekiel 16:15-43, "But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your fame, and you poured out your harlotries on every passer-by who might be willing. "You took some of your clothes, made for yourself high places of various colors and played the harlot on them, which should never come about nor happen. "You also took your beautiful jewels made of My gold and of My silver, which I had given you, and made for yourself male images that you might play the harlot with them. "Then you took your embroidered cloth and covered them, and offered My oil and My incense before them. "Also My bread which I gave you, fine flour, oil and honey with which I fed you, you would offer before them for a soothing aroma; so it happened," declares the Lord God. "Moreover, you took your sons and daughters whom you had borne to Me and sacrificed them to idols to be devoured. Were your harlotries so small a matter? "You slaughtered My children and offered them up to idols by causing them to pass through [the fire]. "Besides all your abominations and harlotries you did not remember the days of your youth, when you were naked and bare and squirming in your blood. "Then it came about after all your wickedness (`Woe, woe to you!' declares the Lord God), that you built yourself a shrine and made yourself a high place in every square. "You built yourself a high place at the top of every street and made your beauty abominable, and you spread your legs to every passer-by to multiply your harlotry. "You also played the harlot with the Egyptians, your lustful neighbors, and multiplied your harlotry to make Me angry. "Behold now, I have stretched out My hand against you and diminished your rations. And I delivered you up to the desire of those who hate you, the daughters of the Philistines, who are ashamed of your lewd conduct "Moreover, you played the harlot with the Assyrians because you were not satisfied; you played the harlot with them and still were not satisfied. "You also multiplied your harlotry with the land of merchants, Chaldea, yet even with this you were not satisfied." ' "How languishing is your heart," declares the Lord God, "while you do all these things, the actions of a bold-faced harlot. "When you built your shrine at the beginning of every street and made your high place in every square, in disdaining money, you were not like a harlot. "You adulteress wife, who takes strangers instead of her husband! "Men give gifts to all harlots, but you give your gifts to all your lovers to bribe them to come to you from every direction for your harlotries. "Thus you are different from those women in your harlotries, in that no one plays the harlot as you do, because you give money and no money is given you; thus you are different." Therefore, O harlot, hear the word of the Lord. Thus says the Lord God, "Because your lewdness was poured out and your nakedness uncovered through your harlotries with your lovers and with all your detestable idols, and because of the blood of your sons which you gave to idols, therefore, behold, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, even all those whom you loved and all those whom you hated. So I will gather them against you from every direction and expose your nakedness to them that they may see all your nakedness. "Thus I will judge you like women who commit adultery or shed blood are judged; and I will bring on you the blood of wrath and jealousy. "I will also give you into the hands of your lovers, and they will tear down your shrines, demolish your high places, strip you of your clothing, take away your jewels, and will leave you naked and bare. "They will incite a crowd against you and they will stone you and cut you to pieces with their swords. "They will burn your houses with fire and execute judgments on you in the sight of many women. Then I will stop you from playing the harlot, and you will also no longer pay your lovers. "So I will calm My fury against you and My jealousy will depart from you, and I will be pacified and angry no more. "Because you have not remembered the days of your youth but have enraged Me by all these things, behold, I in turn will bring your conduct down on your own head," declares the Lord God, "so that you will not commit this lewdness on top of all your other abominations.”
     
  12. sandinmyears

    sandinmyears
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    Thank you all for your input.
     
  13. MsGuidedAngel

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    Hiya Everyone! [​IMG]

    I have single and am going to stay thay way for the rest of my life. That way I can Love God 1st and won't have to worry about giving my love to someone else.

    I have been married twice and thrown out of my marriage twice, meaning they divorced me and re-married others.

    I like to remain pure before God, He's my Father in Heaven whom is Always watching out for me YaY. I love God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, the Holy Trinity, YaY. :D . Because He First Love me.

    Love Always,

    KristiAnn
     
  14. Su Wei

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    I would truely not want to enter into a debate lest i hurt the one who is already hurting so.

    But for the sake of giving another pont of view, i will continue to furnish with more insights into the scripture concerning the matter of remarriage. I do hope that none of this will be taken personally but i'm writing from as honest a perspective as i can based on God's word. Thank you for your patience!

    What does this scripture say happens to the woman when her husband puts her away?

    It says nothing.
    </font>[/QUOTE]Where the scripture is silent on specific instances, i believe God lays down principles for us to follow.

    For example, the scripture says nothing about smoking being a sin but because of the principle laid down in 1 cor 6, we know as Christians we should not smoke.

    1 Corinthians 6:19-20 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

    Therefore, as i previously stated the principle for marriage as Jesus said in mark 10 is that God created one man for one woman. to break that convenant is wrong in God's eyes.

    IMO, there is no contradiction in these scriptures.
    </font>[/QUOTE]I have looked at the passage again. We should remember that Paul was writing to clear up some questions and malpractices in the corinthian church.
    To read the whole thing in context, we should start looking at it from v 10:

    "1 Corinthians 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:"

    This is the blanket command for married christians. And then he goes on to talk about other specific situations and what to do.

    And then comes this is the verse we are contending.
    1 Corinthians 7:15 "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."

    It makes alot of sense when we read it in context and we compare scripture with scripture.

    The brother or sister is not compelled by the command of the Lord to maintain the marriage and continue live together (like the opposite of "not departing, v 10 ). God hath called us to peace. i can see how it would not be very peaceful if the unsaved spouse wants to depart and the saved one wants to keep the marriage.

    the reason for this is that the unsaved spouse may see through the meek and sweet spirit of the Christian spouse he/ she has so wronged, he/ she may get saved as a result! 1 Corinthians 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

    Where then is v 15 giving the believer a license for remarriage? again, i say, that is reading more into the phrase "not under bondage" than it actually means.

    Remarriage is allowed only when one spouse dies, and only "in the Lord".

    1 Corinthians 7:39 "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. "


    Till death do us part. Any other thing is confusion.

    And as a last point to add: it does seem illogical why the innocent party should have to "suffer" singlehood but we should take the Word of God as what it is and simply trust that God has the best of intentions for you when He says what He says. God will give you the strength needed to obey Him!

    This might be alittle touchy, here, a non-American speaking, but we should try not to allow the prevailing divorce and remarriage culture of society affect how we interpret the Bible but allow God's Word to instruct us for in it is protection.

    your friend,
    Sis Suwei

    [ April 18, 2004, 11:03 PM: Message edited by: Su Wei ]
     
  15. Su Wei

    Su Wei
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    i agree with this up till this point. i think what i wrote above also agrees with this. But based on v15 alone, where does this "new marriage" come into play??? and where else in the bible does it talk of a "new marriage". no where. But the bible calls other sexual (emotional) relationship outside of marriage adultery. not a "new marriage".
     
  16. KimS

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    Hi Sandy.

    I asked a similar question but with a different case. It was I who left because I couldn't handle the unfaithfulness anymore.

    I totally agree with Diane in regards to the verses she quoted from Corinthians for your situtation. You are not bound to your ex-husband. However, my advice would be to talk to this over with your pastor.

    Kristi Ann, I am also like you in that I think it's best I remain single. Especially if I plan to move into mission work someday. I don't believe they allow those who are remarried to go on long term missions.

    Kim [​IMG]
     

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