Divorce: Current Situation (need advice)

Just to set things straight here. The shane this poster was referring to is another poster here - "Brother Shane". He is 17 years old, fwiw.
He is not in favor of divorce (as I am) for any reason.
It's just that superwoman8977 is not in the habit of using commas and such. all she uses is periods so I guess you misunderstood her.

as for her having gone to the doctor, well, if i understand it correctly, her pastor is himself divorced, so, of course, he'd tell her divorce is the only option.
if i misunderstood, then my sincerest apologies.

if i understood correctly then all i can say is that's just the way things are.

a person who may be in danger of developing emphysema will rarely be told by a doctor who smokes to stop smoking.

trust me, personal experience, not with emphysema.

i developed paroxysmal atrial tachycardia back in the 70's, an irregularity in heartbeat, mostly triggered by either stress, stimulants, fatigue, or all of them. the doctor who diagnosed me was a health buff. told me to relax, avoid caffeine, use decaf, and definitely avoid alcohol.

another doctor whom i went to for a second opinion told me, ah, come'n, you can drink. just sip slowly and drink with moderation. i got this advice while we were sitting in a restaurant, him drinking, me eating. and, oh, yeah, he lit up a cigarette afterwards.

in Bible school I challenged my Bible college professor, who was also the Bible college president, and who was also my pastor because he taught us graduating students that the fetus had no soul until it is born. we sure had a lively discussion on that. this was on pastoral ethics class.

well, his sister-in-law happened to get "knocked up" and the boyfriend left. this woman had her one month old baby aborted. not a whimper from the pastor.

 

Shane isn't the one living with a girl, superwoman's husband is.

 

Okay I guess I need to clarify. Shane was in reference to Brother Shane, my apologies, (there I used a comma) lol. People in this place seem to give alot of people false hope. To the poster: if she wants a divorce there is nothing you can do about it but to accept it, suck it up and drive on. I hoped on my marriage for 18 months, prayed daily, etc and in the end its over. He is living with his woman he wants to be my friend but frankly I just want him to leave me alone. If my husband was to walk in today and say I want to come back I think I would tell him to take a hike there is no fidelity, no trust anymore and to not have that there would be no marriage with me. So I will live struggling paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet

 

If her real problem is with you being "anti-social", take the time and let her know you will seek counsel on the matter.

I stopped reading the replies at post 5 or 6, but what does your pastor say???

I wouldn't ever sign the divorce papers.

If the situation is that she is seeking alimony, I definitely would give the judge the chance to see that she likes to socialize with others while you like to socialize with her.

I have a preacher friend who lost his wife to a "harlot-hopping" devil who has fathered two children with his wife. She has since been burned very badly by a grease fire. her complaint was similar to what you're saying is the situation.

The truth is alot of women just like to "party". They are disatisfied and seek relationships to fill a void that only Jesus can fill.

I would question her salvation as her husband. A loving wife who is sold out to the Lord and in love with him would never file for divorce for the reasons you've stated.

I understand the dilemma you're faced with and would like to offer my prayers for you and her.

Your determination to "make" her follow through can only benefit the both of you and thereby glorify the Lord.:godisgood:

 

So you would pass judgement on him and deny that Jesus could ever change him?

"Go take a hike!" got it's roots from telling some one to go hiking and fall into the bottomless pit. Do you really want him to go to hell?

 

There you go with that broad brush stroke again. You have no way of knowing whether or not every person on the BB (or eleswhere) that counsels reconciliation has not been divorced and/or if those that counsel divorce have actually been divorced (or touched by it). So since the OP requested advice and counsel let's give him just that and be as biblical as we possibly can be, and leave the debate for some other thread.raying:

 

Our hope is in Jesus, and theres nothing false about Him.

 

Dear sister,

I can't tell you how heartbroken I am to hear your story and I am praying for you. If I may, I would like to encourage you with another story. When my wife and I moved from the Atlanta, GA area to Wake Forest, NC so that I could enroll at SEBTS in order to perpare for the ministry, she got a job working for a long distance phone company in Raleigh, NC.

My wife made friends with another lady in the office who also lived in Wake Forest. Soon they (my wife and her friend) had arranged for our two families to get together and we all just really clicked. After a couple of years of this friendship we (my wife and I) noticed that things seemed to change between this couple. Soon we found out that they were going to seperate because the husband had been cheating with another woman. They sold their house, he moved into an apartment, she and the kids moved into a smaller home. In NC the law requires that couples with children must live apart for at least one year before they can be divorced.

During this year my wife's friend (co-worker) went to all kinds of divorce counseling and classes at her Roman Catholic Church. After each claas or weekend retreat she came home more determined than ever to go through with the divorce. As far as we know, my wife and I were the only Christians that were telling her that the Bible teaches that she must be willing and seeking to reconcile with her husband. We prayed for them constantly.

About one month before they were to sign their final divorce paperwork I took the husband with a group of men from our church to Promise Keepers. I bought his ticket and provided the transportation etc. There he heard and saw for the first time Christian men praising and worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ. He also heard for the first time a clear gospel presentation and solid biblical teaching regarding the husband's role and responsibilities at home. Now I don't know if he got saved that weekend or not. But I know he came home a different man.

The very day that they were to sign their final divorce paperwork he went to his wife, asked forgiveness and to come back home and reconcile the marriage. They did reconcile and to this day are still together. I am not saying it has been an easy process for them. They have really had to work at preserving their marriage. However, God answered our prayers and changed and is healing their hearts. It is never too late if people will only trust in the Lord! This is my prayer for you and your husband.

BTW, have you sought to begin the process of church discipline (Matt. 18) with your husband? This may cause him to wake up and repent. Don't give up on your marriage or what Christ can do in the situation.

 

Well, Mr. Bible Boy, it seems like you are a little out of touch with the issues here.

superwoman8977 has posted her story of what is going on with her in another thread, and I think in that thread (or it could be in another one with divorce as the subject matter also) she said that she has spoken with her pastor and with what I understand, given the not so broad command of your elegant English language that this unreasonable stupid broad brush painting brown monkey has, they saw that divorce was the only option for her.

that is what I am referring to when I gave my little examples there.
as for knowing or not whether there are people on this board who are divorced, given the responses and condemnations myself, Brother Shane, DHK and others have gotten, I believe I have a very good idea.

So, my advice to you, is get updated first before you go trying to paint others badly and trip all over yourself trying to project an image of yourself as possessing the Christ-like wisdom and compassion which others do not.

have a good and Godly day.

 

Sorry brother I didn't intend to get your hackles up. However, I am speaking to you as a forum moderator and not has a general debater/participant in a thread here. I am fully aware of what has transpired in this thread and others in this forum. So no update is necessary on my part. Likewise, your post that I commented on does not appear to be directed solely at superwoman and/or her pastor; rather, some of the statements seem to be implying that all those that have been divorced will always counsel divorce for others. This is simply not true. Like I said you have no way of knowing whether or not anyone posting here has been divorced unless they have specifically said so. To claim otherwise is to cast aspersions against your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Now let's leave this issue and move on. The OP asked for advice and counsel for his specific situation. Let's offer the best biblical counsel and support for him here that we can and save the debate for some other thread.

 

Divorce - such a sad thing. I went through two divorces. The first was an abusive, drug-using, alcoholic, womanizing, unfaithful man who would not change and never did before he died of a drug overdose last year.

The second one was a man I should've never married, and he has since re-married, and so have I. I know, I know, I am IFB and I know divorce is a sin, but who out there will cast the first stone? I won't. I just believe in trying everything to save the marriage, and when all avenues are exhausted, what can you do?

I have asked God to forgive me, and I know He has.

Debbie Mc

 

Any and every sin committed by a child of God is under the blood, whether the sin is deliberate or not. The sins in our lives does not take God by surprise. Through Moses He told Israel that He knows they will turn aside after other gods when they reach the land He has promised them. Yet He said of Israel, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love..." though this was really addressed to spiritual Israel.

David's sin was forgiven even before he acknowledged it.
Moses' disobedience was forgiven.

However, though the child of God is no longer to face the penalty for sin, he will still bear its consequences here on earth.

Divorce is ugly. Sad is an understatement. It rips the victims apart, and it tears households apart. It wreaks havoc on the psyche of children, and leaves not much room for a parent to raise God-fearing, God-honoring children in every sense of the phrase.

However, the child of God who is faithful to his/her Lord cannot call it anything less than what his/her Lord calls it: error. grievous error. And once either party marries, it becomes adultery, and therefore sin.

Much as our hearts go out to those who have fallen victims to it, it is what it is according to Jesus. Not so, from the beginning.

It is something that God does not condone, and never has condoned. Neither has He looked away at remarriage after divorce. He loved His child, took the punishment for His child, saved His child from the penalty of sin, but it is still, to Him: sin.

 

Jet, I've been through divorce twice, and it felt about like losing a limb. So I understand the difficult time you're facing. As far as those who encourage you to look at yourself and see where you went wrong; I think that is not helpful. We all have faults, but the last thing you need right now is to feel guilt on top of the sorrow you're experiencing. After all, you are willing to do what you can to preserve the marriage. Your partner is not, and sounds determined to go ahead with divorce. You really have no choice but to keep your eye on the Lord, and be willing to accept the situation, whichever way it goes. Hang in there! Add my prayers also.

 

double post.
I am greatly, greatly tempted to find a gateway store and smash this laptop onto their counter.

 

And I think you are right there.
It applies to each situation where failure occurs.
Divorce is a failure of marriage.
One way or the other, both spouses have their contributions to that failure.
The earlier it is dealt with, the better.

 

Yes, and nobody suggested that either party was entirely at fault or entirely blameless. Self-evaluation is a good thing for all of us to undertake. We all might learn something in the process. Of course, all bets are off when one spouse is determined to have their own way, and takes no responsibilty. And asking the jilted party figure out where he or she went wrong, in the midst of it all, just adds to their burden.

 

Thats not exactly true. I didnt fail in my marriage and I will never admit I did. I gave 210% to my marriage, to my family, to everything. My ex and I have talked and he takes total blame for what happens, he still doesnt know what made him do what he did, I blame Satan and temptation. There are victims in every marriage that are broken up due to infidelity. And there are spouses who dont have a clue what the other spouse is doing due to lack of communication, etc.

 

pretty prideful.