Divorce: Current Situation (need advice)

Because in so many ways he is so much better. First our marriage was built on sex and with this realtionship its built on God and friendship and he is so much more caring, respectful, etc than my husband ever could be. I know that I can text Sarge and he is there for me within 10 minutes with a return text or if hes not busy a phone call its not all about him and his needs. I actually enjoy when he tells me about his day, my husband never did that, he never communicated.

 

Concerning context the OP also said:

First, before I pointed out being whiney I told the OP that I was speaking frankly, then said he was sounding “rather whiney” with the shy thing and this opinion came after some advice on how to think about and deal with the issue (being left while being called anti-social and having admitted struggling with interactions with others which I answered biblically) and which to he also said he was struggling with the decision she had made and “his responsibility.”

I also was referring to him look at the selfishness in the relationship and his own statement. Problem with that???

Maybe his or your Mama would wipe his/your bloody nose and tell him/you the person was just bad and to just hide in the bushes next time leaving him/you with a kiss on the cheek, but I ain’t his Mama! I advise him to stand up and face the problem like a man while taking the lead, face any responsibility, don’t give up so easily and try to fix it. And in my opinion that is the kind of loving response he needs.

 

Ok. It sounded more like kicking a man when he is down to me. I don't know if you have been in his situation, but if you ever are, just remember how you talked to him and don't be surprised when somebody says 'don't be a whiner'. As for your comments about my mama and bloody noses, I have two grown children & two grandchildren, and I was speaking to Jet as I would one of my own. And btw my nose has been broken several times. Don't need your advice on the manly way to handle it.

 

never even wanted to be a decent husband did he.

 

You really seem to have a problem following context, both his and mine; sad that you would take encouragement toward not giving up and suggestions on how to resolve problems as kicking him when he’s down. You must have missed most of what I said when your head started spinning at the words “selfishness” and the thought that he might be concerned that she may be taking him as “rather whiney” instead of confident.

That’s right you don’t. Nor do I think you know why I would spend considerable last Sunday afternnon time to reach out and try to give him some guidance.

Wishing an omen on me? Again, you show a problem with following context, try considering what was said surrounding, both before and after might clue you in, try to get the quote right and do it in the “context.”

You said, “My point was in the context of the original post.” Which I already pointed out to you that you missed most of the context. He wasn’t just asking for sympathy.

You said, “ He has commited no abuse, no adultery, no alchoholism as far as we know.” You seem to suggest he has NO responsibilty. My point exactly about a Mama telling him that the other person is just bad and that he should just hide in the bushes should be well taken here.

You said, “He is hurting and looking for some support from fellow Christians. And most did offer support.” Which I would have to take it as you believe the only support he should get is sympathy and be told that he has done nothing wrong and nothing can be done. Not to mention you missed his plea about “his responsibility” and the things he was struggling with while you are claiming that “I” missed the context. I did support him while taking considerable time evaluating his circumstances, reading his other post in the prayer section, and then encouraged him to deal with the situation, look at what he can change, and stand up to make a difference; but you call that kicking him when he is down. You just come in with a fly-by suggesting I was being cruel by saying the words “selfishness” and “whiney” and I think that was an ignorant thing for you to say. If that word “ignorant” greatly offends you, try to get over it.

You said, “On the other hand, one poster called him selfish and whiney, and to look to himself to see where he'd been wrong. That is basically what I was reacting to.” I think you have shown that you reacted to something you did not understand of where I was coming from, with an offer of advice on how to help the problems, nor what the OP was requesting.

You were also putting down my attempt to help him while insinuating a mean spiritness on my part because I suggested for him to look to himself and what he could do to improve things while offering encouragement to not give up. Which BTW was a response to his asking advice about his responsibility and struggles. (the context) Sorry, I have a tendency to repeat myself when I feel like I’m speaking to a wall.

You might want to learn to duck and block.

Never mind then.

 

I didn’t miss what you said. Criticizing his efforts to discuss the matter with his wife as amounting to selfishness, placing the blame right back in his own lap; pointing out to him how shyness and lack of confidence are a turn-off to women; and saying that his efforts sound rather whiney are not really helpful in his current predicament. I agree that at some point in the future such comments may be useful. And who knows, maybe that is the kind of things he wants to hear at this time. I can only say that when I was in his shoes (long time ago), such comments would only have made me feel worse.

Granted. On the other hand you have spent much more time refuting me.

Nope.

I didn’t claim that you missed the context. I was speaking to someone else about the context of what I had said.

A little hard to do when pinned down and/or out-numbered. But thanks for the concern.

 

You have a different way of looking at things than I do. I dug into his words and pointed to some observations in the matter than he may not be seeing as per his request and admitted confession that he is struggling with his responsibilities. I can only hope that my comments might be useful to him and therefore his family “now.” I assure him (since he has not responded and I do not know how he felt about it) that any advice given was intended to be helpful and any truths to my observations that may have been hurtful were not meant to make “him” feel worse but to build him up and it was done in love and not to be mean.

Not true