Divorce

A comment about the widely held view that living together prior to marriage plays a causal role in divorce. I suspect this view plays on a widely held misconception in our society - namely that correlation implies causality. This is not generally true. The fact that higher divorce rates are observed among those who live together is no more evidence that living together is a causal factor in divorce than is the observation that death rates are higher for those who visit the hospital is evidence that going to the hospital is a causal factor in death.

 

I think the 50% statistic (which is a good one) has to do with the fact that there are a lot of 'marriage go round' folk out there. There are a LOT of marriages which are for life -- until death do them part (not including murder, please!). But there are also a lot of people who get married, divorced, remarried, divorced, remarried.....and so on, and this really does skew the rate statistically.

What is sad is that the rate among professing Christians is not so different from anyone else...

I'm afraid, from what I have seen, divorce is common...and normal...in our culture today. It is wrong, but it is also common.

 

People are too 'me' centered, if I'm not happy, if he doesn't make me happy any more, if I don't like this or that about him, if I've just grown past him(or her depending on who you are), me, me, me, me. All take, no give, no Christ. Not long ago a woman with mariage problems that I've been working with, told me God had released her from her marriage she just couldn't get up the nerve to leave him. WHAT! Nope, sorry honey, God doesn't just release someone from a marriage vow because your husband and children from a previous marriage don't get along. Her previous husband by the way, was an alcholic, who drank all the money the kids went hungry, and he beat her and the kids, they were terrified of him when he came home they all hid in the closet till he passed out.

 

The last numbers I looked at, it was actually higher, because more non-Christians are opting to simply remain shacked up instead of making a legal, binding commitment.

I still don't consider Christian and non-Christian marriages on an equal par, but in the eyes of the law, both can be broken by divorce.

 

Just a thought along this line. Living together prior to marriage demonstrates a low view of marriage, and it is probably this low view, rather than the actual living together, that is a main contributor to divorce in these couples. Many times these couples probably get married for reasons other than suddenly developing a high view of marriage (such as pregnancy, wanting children, etc.).

 

If it is any help, before I was born again I lived with the man I later married (and who, twenty years later, abandon me and the children). Living together is playing house. That's the best way I can describe it. No REAL commitment, and either of us could walk away at any time.

It destroys marriages. Once we were married, that 'escape' was no longer there. That was fine for me, but not so fine for him...

 

We live in a society that tells us that marriage is disposable, just like everything else seems to be these days. No one feels as if it is a perment situtation in life. I think what people are really looking for my dumping marriages and looking for another one, (or partners for those only live together) can only be found in Jesus, not just salvation, but a continuing, ongoing, growing, relationship with Him. This includes christians.

 

My husbnad and I lived together for a couple of onths before we were married, and we'e still together 25 years later. We recognize that loving someone is a choice, you choose to 'fall out of love' or not. You also choose to put someone before you, their needs in life above yours, you are not more immportant then they are. And sometimes you just gotta put up with some not so nice things from the other one. (hey, I squeeze the toothpast tube in the middle, he refuses to put the seat down, although these aren't that bad, are they?)
Marriage can't be about 'me', if I see a me, then I am not seeing an us. Two made one, together we are a whole.