DIVORCE

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by SAVED4LIFE, Nov 29, 2001.

  1. SAVED4LIFE

    SAVED4LIFE
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    I am going through some bad stuff in my marriage right now. I've looked in my bible for advice about divorce but nothing seems real cut and dry to me. Seems most of it is geared towards men. Any bible verses or advice any of you could give me?

    I'm not saying I want to divorce my husband, but is had crossed my mind in light of all he's put me and my children through the past 6 years. Is the only reason to divorce adultrey?

    Thanks....

    Holly
     
  2. Brian Collins

    Brian Collins
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SAVED4LIFE:
    Is the only reason to divorce adultrey?

    Holly
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Pretty much,and even then, it's not always the best option.

    Also consider 1 Corinthians 7...
    1 Cor 7:10-11, And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

    That's pretty clear to me.

    If you feel you and/or your children are in danger, there is no wrong in separating yourself from him. I also know of some who have obtained legal separation (aka separate maintenance, I think) so they can be out of harm's way, and yet get support. In my estimation, that makes reconsiliation easier, because the woman is making no move toward a legal end of the marriage. And while reconciling may seem like the last thing possible at this point, I've seen it happen even in bleak situations where divorce had taken place and both spouses already had someone else in mind.

    Since you observed that there is not much mentioned in regards to women divorcing, I'll give my thoughts as to why. Divorce is an authoritative thing, and women never had authority over men. Even Paul mentioned that she should not depart from her husband, and did not mention her divorcing him. Now, I know some greek scholar may try to tell us that depart in that verse is the same as divorce in other places, but suffice it to say God let get translated what He wanted. Context is important. Even Jesus, when giving exceptions, didn't authorize the woman to divorce the man in any circumstance.

    I suppose some would argue that this is because of the male-oriented society back then, but I think not. It's a matter of authority.

    My observation is that the man will eventually file for divorce anyway. A young woman I know was tempted to file for divorce from her husband. I advised her to file for separation at the most and that he would file for divorce eventually. She said he would never do that. But she filed for separation anyway, and when she told him, his first words were, "Well I'll just file for divorce then."

    Do your best to be a good wife, even when you don't feel like it. Submit where you can, stand your ground when necessary, and I pray the Lord work out things to your benefit and His glory. I hate divorce and I hurt when I hear of people going through it. You don't really seem to want one, and pray it doesn't come down to that.

    --B C
     
  3. SAVED4LIFE

    SAVED4LIFE
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    Thank you......you've helped me a lot. My husband does not harm me. He has a drinking/not coming home/lying problem. I thought he got saved Oct. 28, but he has not changed his behavior. He's been out 3 times since then. I'm afraid for his future. I don't think God takes these things lightly. I've never heard of legal seperation before. Is that like "temporary divorce" or something?

    Thanks again.
     
  4. Brian Collins

    Brian Collins
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SAVED4LIFE:
    I've never heard of legal seperation before. Is that like "temporary divorce" or something?
    Thanks again.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I suppose. Basically, it temporarily relieves you of any responsibility for his decisions (buying stuff, etc.), and also makes sure he provides for you and your children. It's somewhat of a last resort.

    --BC
     
  5. Grace

    Grace
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    My only close experience with divorce was a very difficult one since it involved my dad's parents. I can say it hurts a lot, but I don't know much else. I know my Grandmother had reason. My grandfather was never true to her, and she waited 42 years before totally giving up. It didn't exactly make things better. Pray hard. God will direct you. Continue to love him. My adopted Gramma told me just last night that love can't be based on when you feel like loving someone. It MUST be because you promised him, and God that you would love him. It hits close to home. My parents are fighting a lot, and I overheard my dad tell my mom to "pack her bags and hit the road" If she goes, I go too.
     
  6. Kathy

    Kathy
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    Hi Saved,
    I hope you are not judging your husbands salvation. God says come as we are...I hope you don't think that God can't change him. Give him a chance. It takes MUCH prayer. Also, we'd be foolish to believe that once we get saved, a magic wand is waved and all of our bad habits, short comings, tempers, etc. will magically disappear. I was saved in 1997 and there are still things that God is dealing with me on. I have a very close friend who was an alcoholic when he got saved, that hasn't changed, he still battles that addiction, but he knows that God is faithful. We all stumble along, some of us live by the prayers of others alone.

    I guess what I am saying is that your husband is a VERY new Christian, give God a chance to change his heart. Don't give up, keep praying! My husband has been saved for one year now and I'm still praying for a Godly husband...my Father in Heaven is working on him because I see little tidbits here and there. The Bible says

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I'll be praying for you!

    Kathy
    &lt;&gt;&lt;
     
  7. Brian Collins

    Brian Collins
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kathy:
    Hi Saved,
    I hope you are not judging your husbands salvation.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Why can't she question it? When a man is born again, there accompanies some change, no?

    Why did Paul stand in doubt of the Galatians and the Corinthians? What are "fruits meet for repentance?" What are signs of becoming a new creature, old things passing away, and all things becoming new?

    I, like you, don't believe people become holy overnight. But they do become holy at some time. If God isn't able to give us power over our wickedness, then He's not able to save us at all.

    Then on the other extreme, you have people like Judas - all religion and no salvation. How many of the eleven thought he was lost? They all asked, "Is it I?"

    --B C
     
  8. SAVED4LIFE

    SAVED4LIFE
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    Boy---you all have given me such uplifting advice. I think my husband did think getting saved would be like waving a magic wand and
    ***poof*** his habits would be taken from him. I know firsthand that things don't change automatically when you get saved, but this stuff he is doing is just so hard to bare sometimes. My son is 6 years old and I can see the sadness and disappointment in his eyes. I just don't know how to protect him and my 2 year old daughter from this rejection. Kids take this stuff personally. And naturally, so do I!!

    I know God can change hearts, but doesn't the person have to be willing?
     
  9. Brian Collins

    Brian Collins
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SAVED4LIFE:
    I think my husband did think getting saved would be like waving a magic wand and
    ***poof*** his habits would be taken from him. I know firsthand that things don't change automatically when you get saved, but this stuff he is doing is just so hard to bare sometimes.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    One of the hardest things to hear right now is that time will tell. How much time? I don't know. When a baby is born, it desires milk, lots of it. If it doesn't desire milk, something is wrong. It would seem likely that your husband desires truth, knowledge of the things of God, the Word of God. If he does not desire the milk, it does not bode well. It does not necessarily mean he is still lost, but in my mind it points that way. Perhaps he's just stagnated very early. Either way, I pray God shake him up.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I know God can change hearts, but doesn't the person have to be willing?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Yes, unless you're a Calvinist. But then, Calvinists were predestined to be wrong.
    :D

    Seriously, though, God does not make people live right, but He certainly makes them wish they had.

    --B C
     
  10. Kathy

    Kathy
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    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Brian Collins:


    Why can't she question it? When a man is born again, there accompanies some change, no?

    Why did Paul stand in doubt of the Galatians and the Corinthians? What are "fruits meet for repentance?" What are signs of becoming a new creature, old things passing away, and all things becoming new?

    I, like you, don't believe people become holy overnight. But they do become holy at some time. If God isn't able to give us power over our wickedness, then He's not able to save us at all.

    Then on the other extreme, you have people like Judas - all religion and no salvation. How many of the eleven thought he was lost? They all asked, "Is it I?"

    --B C
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Hi Brian!
    I agree with you to a certain extent. If we were to "judge" our brothers and sisters salvation, we would condemn everyone. I'm THANKFUL that I don't have that responsibility. What I was trying to convey is that Holly's husband is such a new Christian (I think less than one month), he may be wrestling with God in his heart.

    Now, I can't say that I understand Holly's plight, I know I too would be extremely concerned for my children. It is definitely a hard situation. I lived with my husband for 3 years before he got saved. He drank, he cursed, he smoked (still does actually), and I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to leave, I would be lying if I said I didn't cry myself to sleep asking God why He would put me in this situation, but I hung in there and I prayed and prayed, and cried, and prayed...asked my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray with me...and he got saved a year ago. He's not nearly the Godly husband I so desire, but he's trying, for that matter, I'm sure I'm not the godly wife he needs. But God is working on his heart and my heart, and I know He will bless us.

    God Bless!
    Kathy
    &lt;&gt;&lt;
     

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