Divorced Parents

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Salty, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. Salty

    Salty
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    Suppose you have a deadbeat dad/mom in your church who is months behind in thier paymets. Should this parent be allowed to hold a position in a Baptist church?

    Would the standards be the same for a mother/father who refuses the non-custotial parent to excerise their visitation rights*?

    Salty


    * We are not talking about "parents" who would endarger the welfare of their children?
     
  2. 2 Timothy2:1-4

    2 Timothy2:1-4
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    Since they are living in open and unrepentent sin they should not be in leadership and if they refuse to repent they should be dismissed from the fellowship of the church.
     
  3. mcdirector

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    Well, shoot, I can think of all kinds of ways to soften what it, but I've got to agree with Tim here.
     
  4. gb93433

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    Illegal is illegal
     
  5. Salamander

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    They should hold no position in the church.

    Since the ultimate goal would be reconciliation, all measures to provoke wrath from the other spouse is satanic in essence.

    Either of these persons are not qualified to hold any position in the church.:praying:
     
  6. mcdirector

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    Correcting my own English here.

    The situation is crucial and needs to be addressed.

     
  7. Salty

    Salty
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    What recommendations would you suggest
     
  8. mcdirector

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    Well, it would be best if a concerned, biblically-strong friend approached them first. You haven't told us if we are talking about a mother or a father. But I think it would be appropriate for someone from his/her Sunday School class to go see them if your church is structured that way. If they don't respond appropriately, take someone with them next time. If I recall, your church is very small (a start in a diner?), so I may be asking this of you or Mrs. Salty . . .

    How would you treat any situation where sin was involved? Not paying your bills - that's what child support is (to the nth degree because your children are involved) for no good reason would need to be addressed wouldn't it?

    Or not allowing a parent who has custodial rights to see his/her children just because you don't wanna is breaking the law. What would you do with another law breaker?

    I realize these may come across sounding smark-alecky because of the NET and I really don't mean them to, just wondering . . . I'm thinking through this myself and don't know that I've come across it before. I may well have know these folks - Just didn't know they were doing what they were doing.

    I used the word crucial above because this is about more than the person using the children -- it's about the children too and what they see and the long term effects of what they witness. What a tough situation.
     
  9. Salty

    Salty
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    I should mention that this scenario is strictly fictitious. There is no such problem in our church at this time

    I only started this as a "What If". But I am sure that there are some churches that may have this situation.

    Salty
     
  10. mcdirector

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    Well, this kind of thing does seem to be on the rise. I am hearing of more and more couples who are living together attending. Our church is so large, I'm not sure I'd hear about how things were "handled."

    I'd love to see the conversation mature.

    We want to reach out. We want to educate/teach. We want to give them time to respond to the Holy Spirit, but at the same time . . .

    But this does raise the other issue that I asked in my previous post, how do we respond to sin that we know about? Any sin? What do we do as a church body?
     
  11. youngmom4

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    As a parent who receives child support and relies on it to keep a roof over my kids' head...no, a deadbeat parent should not be allowed to be in a leadership position.

    As a custodial parent married to another custodial parent...the withholding of visitation rights is a touchy situation. If, as you say, there is no danger to the child or the child's welfare involved, then the parent is violating a court order with no good cause...since that constitutes sin, they should not hold a leadership position in the church either.

    I have to say, though...we did not allow my step-daughter to go to her mother's this past summer due to things that happened while she was there the previous summer. I told her mother flat-out that if she tried to come and get her, I would file emergency paperwork with the court to stop her. My husband and I feel very strongly that her welfare would have been in serious jeopardy had we allowed her to go, and I do not think there should be any problem with a parent in that situation serving in a leadership capacity. Sometimes we have to go against the law to protect our kids, and as long as there is an honest, good cause to do so, I think it is one of those situations where we obey God before men...and God wants us to protect our children.
     
  12. Salty

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    YM4, Suposed a non-custotial mom was using the "childd support" money for her own personal use - say expensive jewerly, trips, and ect; the children hardly had what they needed. Woud he be justified in NOT sening the monthly check?
     
  13. youngmom4

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    The mom in me wants to say yes, but from a legal standpoint, the answer is no. Unfortunately, when you are court ordered to pay child support, you don't have any right to withhold based on suspicions that it is not being used for the children. The best thing to do in that situation is to gather as much evidence as possible that the children are being neglected and take the custodial parent back to court. I don't like it...especially since this happened to me as a kid. My dad got $350 a month from my mom, and my sister and I rarely even had clothes that fit us properly. Unfortunately, it's hard to prove that the money is being misused, and you are way more likely to get taken back to court for failure to pay child support than you are for refusing to allow visitation. Child support cases are often pursued by state's attorneys, while visitation issues have to be pursued by the parent who is being denied visitation...and at their expense.
     
  14. Salty

    Salty
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    Sounds like a double standard to me.

    But my OP was holding a leadership position in church. So assuming a church does not allow a non-paying ($$ or visitiation) parent a church position; should the leadership take in consieration the reason.
    For example, mom has custody, but dad is living with a woman not his wife; Dad buys school clothes instead of sending the support check, beacuse mom blows it on booze, ...
     
  15. abcgrad94

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    Generally speaking, I would say anyone breaking the law this way is a bad example and should not be in a leadership position in the church. If there are legitimate reasons for a parent not sending the child support, maybe they should be advised to take it up with the courts and see if the situation could be changed. That's a tough one.
     
  16. youngmom4

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    I understand that it sounds that way, but it really is a tough situation. Being a person living in the situation but also a person who is pursuing a career in the legal field, sometimes I have a hard time separating the two. As to the question of being in a leadership position, I do think the church should take the reasons into consideration. If there is a valid, good reason for not paying child support or refusing visitation, those things should be considered...but the person should also be encouraged to pursue legal remedies as soon as possible to keep themselves out of trouble. If the church is going to consider such things, though, they need to have a committee to do so. It should never be based on the opinion of one person alone because there is just too much room to have error there.
     
  17. The Scribe

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    :applause:

    That should go for any type of sin, not just deadbeats. ;)
     
  18. mcdirector

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    agreed - I wonder how hard we look at some things if at all. Again, this is another fine line - the forgiving real repentence not ignoring what's not in our face // loving a brother/sister and not turning our back on someone who really needs our help. We see so many extremes that I wonder if we really know what to do. Or do we just not take the time to do what we know we should do?
     
  19. The Scribe

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    Most don't take the time to do what they know is right.
    No one wants to help in the churches today. Most preachers will take who they can get. That has to stop. People should be more willing to say no to work and yes to their church and God's work.
     

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