Do we realize how much people are hurting?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by superwoman8977, Jul 15, 2008.

  1. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977
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    I have been going through alot in the last few months, I mean some run to or run away from the cross stuff. For a few weeks I even slacked off going to church because I really wasnt sure where? what?? when? how? You know all the questions you ask when you dont have a clue and something has hit you so hard for a loop you are just shaken.

    Anyways God has really been working on my heart. He led me to a woman in the complex I live in, well come to find out, I actually, when I lived in my hometown, I was her supervisor at the factory I used to work at, so having her show up in the same complex I live in was truly a God thing. Anyways "Val" has a 10 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter, single mom, going to school full time for nursing and working temp jobs to make the bills. Awesome lady! Anyways our new thing is to meet up in the evenings and sit on either her porch or mine while our kids play, well the 1st couple of nights we hung out we just chatted nothing major and then like a week ago I came over brought her some strawberry shortcake I had made and she started asking me how I can be so happy all the time. My world is crashing down around me (she knows the whole story) and here I make the effort to hang out with her each evening so anyways that evening I brought over the strawberry shortcake, she came out onto the porch with her bible. I didnt know she even knew what a bible was or where she was with the Lord (although I had prayed for her and wondered). But anyways over strawberry shortcake we talked about my divorce and the issues in her life and how she didnt want to smile anymore. I got to see a side of her I never thought was in her. She actually wanted me to know by the end of the evening that she looked at me as a sister in faith. I felt so bad for her as she poured her heart out, she was so lost, and she got me thinking how many "forgotten" people are there out there? She isnt exactly lost, just pretty much been looked over? We sit on here, and I know I have been judged for my life and for my divorce and for dating again but without my divorce I wouldnt have moved to this complex I wouldnt have met up with "Val" again and I wouldnt have been able to be this Sister in Faith for her and for others God has put in my path. Last night, as we sat on her porch with our ice teas and the kids playing, she asked me if anyone can truly be happy. I know her working and going to school is wearing on her like big time and I know she would like a man in her life --- I know that she wants the whole husband and the house with the white picket fence and before I could answer her, it was like God took over and I explained to her that yes you can have a new chapter in your life with the Lord but you have to be happy in Him before you can have a man in your life. As I was sharing Matthew 6:33 with her and sharing some more of my testimony you could just see the walls crumbling inside. God uses everything that happens to us for His glory. Yes we may hate it but when we achieve the peace that passes all understanding, its all worth it.

    But the point is we have so many people that know about God, yet dont understand we can come to Him for everything we need. Come to Him as they are sinners and He can make them as white as snow. His Son died on the cross for us, we sit on these boards and judge others actions when sometimes those actions although they didnt seem right in our eyes are exactly what God needed us to do to get to another soul. I know alot of you believe divorce is wrong, yet whether we like it or not, just like with many sins, it happens. And we can sit there and say its wrong, or we can make the best of things and ask God how He can use this to better us. There are so many "Val's" in the world and there are so many seeking people, instead of saying we arent worthy because of this or that sin we need to ask God..okay God how can you use this for the Glory of Your Kingdom?
     
  2. dan e.

    dan e.
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    Great example. Thanks for sharing.

    I think many times in the midst of making sure we hold onto the "right theology" we forget that theology according to our favorite commentaries rarely speaks to those that desparately need Jesus. All of our lives have broken peices, and only God can put those peices back together, and when we do it with each other, forms a beautiful mosaic called the kingdom of God. The kingdom is even present on your porch with iced tea, cake, and sharing life with one another. It may not seem like the most beautiful thing with all of the brokenness, but God truly makes it into a beautiful thing.
     
  3. annsni

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    Well, God can use us wherever we are to minister to others.

    But it just goes to show that we ALL need to be aware of what's going on around us and not get into the blinders on the eyes thing where we just ignore those who are in our lives.

    That's great that you were able to minister to her. There are two books I'd recommend for anyone going through a tough time. One is "Don't Waste Your Sorrows" by Paul E. Billheimer and the other is "Where is God when it Hurts" by Philip Yancey. Both are excellent books on the subject.
     
  4. Bible-boy

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    Hello superwoman,

    Thanks for sharing this testimony. I am glad you were able to minister to your neighbor. You know it really helps us when we minister to others, even when we are experiencing troubles in our own lives, because it takes our focus off ourselves and places it upon the Lord and the other person(s). When we do this (minister to others) it really helps us to avoid becoming self-absorbed and depressed.


    This is indeed sad. They are either immature Christians in great need of discipleship or they are lost as a ball in high weeds. The latter (the lost) are especially sad to see, particularly those that are "cultural Christians." What we call "cultural Christians" is just a fancy way of talking about lost folks that have some sort of Christian heritage in their family. You know, people that when asked diagnostic questions about salvation will give an answer based on their parent's or grandparent's Christian faith. They have head knowledge of Christ, but they do not have a personal relationship with Him, they don't know Him in their hearts, because they have not put their faith in Him for salvation. We must be sure to share the gospel with these folks.

    I would caution you here. I sincerely hope that you understand that most of the posters here are actively involved in real life ministries through their churches, their jobs, and where ever God has placed them. Most of us come to the BB because we enjoy discussing and or debating theology and all things Baptist. You may have felt that some posters were "judging" you. However, a great many of the posters that have responded to you here were simply trying to give you good solid biblical counsel and Christian discipleship while speaking some very hard biblical truthes regarding very difficult circumstances.






    I think you know where I stand on the issue of divorce (if you have been reading my replies to you). I agree that God can and does use us, the broken and vile sinners that we all are, to minister to those in need. This brings glory to His name because He is proven mighty when He uses us at our weakest, we cannot claim to have done anything, and He alone gets the glory. One point I would caution you on here is not to assume or think that God either caused or allowed you to sin because He "needed you to get to another soul." That would contradict God's word and His very nature (Romans 7:1-8:17; James 1:13-16; 1 Peter 1:15-19).



    I wholeheartedly agree. Amen!:thumbs:
     
    #4 Bible-boy, Jul 15, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 15, 2008
  5. Bible-boy

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    I would also highly recommend The Gospel for Real Life, by Jerry Bridges.:thumbs:
     
  6. annsni

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    Sounds good! I'll add that to my wish list! (Of course it will be around 2015 before I can get to it - my wish list is kind of big....LOL)
     
  7. Brother Shane

    Brother Shane
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    superwoman,

    A man is not the answer to everything.



    She had one, evidently. What happened to him? He is still hers. She is still his. In God's eyes, this is what you said... "I know she would like ANOTHER man in her life"... Do you think that God really wants her to marry -- again?!
     
  8. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977
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    Brother Shane,

    Apparently you dont understand. Not everyone gets married to the man they have children with. I didnt marry my 1st sons father and I am sorry I married my 2nd sons father. She would like to have another man in her life and in all intents and purposes she deserves to have one. No a man is not the answer to everything but for some people its nice to have someone to chat about a bad day with or cuddle up and watch TV or a movie with. Also the help with the financial support is nice also. You are 17 years old and for all I know, you still live with mommy and daddy in your perfect little house with your perfect little family in Happy Valley. "Val" has never been married. She has been abused. The hurt and the struggle and the pain has been awful for her to endure. My husband is with another woman and thats who he wants to be with. I believe God has let me go from that marriage so to speak because of what the word says and that I am free now to date again. Believe how you wish I have been doing alot of study on the subject and because of his adultery I have been released from my marriage and am now free to date again.
     
  9. Jon-Marc

    Jon-Marc
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    I know how much people are hurting, because I'm one of those people. I hurt physically from my neck down to my feet. I hurt emotionally from a number of sources, and I'm hurting financially. I can't find a church in this area that I like, because I don't like the southern Baptist churches; I'm from Michigan. Everything is different in the southern Baptist churches, the music, the Bible version they use (no King James, and that's all I use), slightly different doctrinal beliefs. Example: they're mid-trib, and I'm pre-trib. Maybe I should go back to Michigan, but I can't stand the COLD and the freezing rain.
     
  10. dan e.

    dan e.
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    Maybe we should keep in perspective those things that are ESSENTIAL and those things that are PREFERENCE.
     
  11. Beth

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    It should be this way

    HTML:
    You are 17 years old and for all I know, you still live with mommy and daddy in your perfect little house with your perfect little family in Happy Valley. "
    This is how it should be when believers dwell together in peace.....I wouldn't denigrate with sarcasm that which is pure and lovely. The ideal is that believers have very happy marriages, with children who are joyful. I am sorry you haven't experienced this, superwoman, but don't put down what others do have.
     
  12. superwoman8977

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    Okay and I wasnt trying to. What I was trying to do with this thread is show others that not everyone gets the opportunity to have the happy marriage and the kids and the whole nine yards, what I was getting at is that there are women who have been hurt and built such walls up that they blocked out even the Lord. My friend "Val" is a Child of God, but she has been through so much that she has ran away from everything including God. Basically she had one of those run to or run away from the cross trials and she ran away. I am in the middle of one of those moments and the more I run to the cross the more doubt fills my mind as to whether running to the cross is the right thing. I also keep thinking I can handle this on my own and thats why each night after the kids are down for the night I am pouring over the word and crying Seeking Him. Seeking anything that can heal this amazing wound that everytime i think is getting better something happens to re-open it. Thats why I am focusing my energy on being there for "Val" and my other hurting women who for the most part got the raw end of the deal. So Beth enjoy that happy marriage and your kids full of joy because I or these hurting women dont wish this on your worst enemy.
     
  13. Bible-boy

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    Hello Jon,

    I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time in your life. I'll be praying for you.

    I have been a Southern Baptist all my life. There is no "rule" regarding any specific translation of the Bible that is to be used by SBC churches. However, because all SBC churches are completely autonomous some local churches may have something in their constitutions and by-laws regarding which translation they prefer. I highly doubt that anyone would tell you "no King James." Likewise, there is no official SBC position on Pre-, mid-, or post-trib rapture. I am fairly certain that the vast majority of Southern Baptists hold to the pre-trib position, with post-tribers coming in a very distant second place. I don't know very many Southern Baptists that hold to a mid-trib position.

    I would encourage you to look around a bit more before drawing the types of conclusions you have quoted above. Also I am sure that you should be able to find a KJV-only, pre-trib, Fundamental Independent Baptist church in your area.

    You are in my prayers,

    Bible-boy
     
    #13 Bible-boy, Jul 16, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2008
  14. Bible-boy

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    Hello superwoman,

    Banish those doubts in the name of Jesus Christ. He is the bread of life (John 6:35-51). He is the light of the world (John 8:12). He is the door of the sheep (John 10:7-10). He is the good shepherd (John 10:11-30). He is the resurrection and the life (John 11:25-26). He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6a). He is the true vine (John 15:1). It is always right to run to Him. Amen. :jesus:



    Apart from Him you can do nothing (John 15:5). Don't fall into the lie of the enemy and begin to believe that you are completely self-sufficient.:jesus:

    One of the best ways for you to heal is to cast your burdens on Christ for He cares for you (1 Pet. 5:7). Then turn your focus off of yourself and begin to minister to others that God has placed in your path (as you are doing with Val). :thumbs:

    I'll be praying for you and Val.
     
    #14 Bible-boy, Jul 16, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2008
  15. Bible-boy

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    Hello Beth,

    You are correct. However, you must not forget that we all live in a fallen world. Not everyone grows up in a loving caring Christian home. We, as mature believers, must never make new Christians, who have come out of some very difficult and dark places, feel that they are somehow second class. We are all sinners and we all need the blood of Jesus to cover us.
     
    #15 Bible-boy, Jul 16, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2008
  16. nunatak

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    Wow, great post
     
  17. Beth

    Beth
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    I know that

    Yes, I know that, I was however reacting to her tone of her post.

    We, my husband and I, are discipling a woman who has a very difficult past. Her mother had many partners...so many that this lady didn't know who her father was until she was in her thirties...her uncle turned out to be her father!

    She is divorced, was in jail for simple assault, had a relationship out of marriage which resulted in twins. Both children...a boy and girl...are on the autistic spectrum. She lives in an apartment which she cannot afford. She is on SSI for an attempted suicide while in jail serving the simple assault charge...SSI for psychiatric reasons. She runs out of money by the third week of each month. She is addicted to nicotine. Her apartment is heated with propane...the most expensive fuel. Her fuel assistance last year didn't cover her heat. We helped her when the company came to shut off her heat in January. I was surprised the companies can do that, later found out only if there is a baby in the home can they NOT shut off the heat. Here this woman was going to freeze with two nine year olds!

    When discipling her, we have had to stress that she is a new creation in Christ. She does think she is a second class citizen. Her mother continually brings up her past to her face, which is not helpful to say the least. Very damaging to bring up past sins to someone...sins which have been forgiven by God. She has a very hard time engaging in any significant way in the congregation because she believes that people will condemn her for her illegitimate children. She never saw stable relationships in her life, never had a stable relationship herself, and as a result has a very difficult time initiating and maintaining relationships in the congregation.

    This is why we are going through a basic study with her in our home...Navpress's Growing in Christ. We connected because my husband and I also have children on the autistic spectrum...she feels comfortable enough with us to study the Bible with us. Our hope is that she will become more grounded in the Word through this study and fully realize that in God's eyes she has equal standing. God is not a respector of persons...she is as loved as any other believer...there is no difference.

    We do have a heart for the lost, but your post from above, Bible-boy puts it all so much better than I can ever express. No matter what our sin, no matter what our bad choices have been, once we trust in Christ we are a new creation. He is all we will ever need...He is our all in all. WE no longer live, but Christ lives in us....we need to remind ourselves of that every day!

    Ro 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

    The battle takes place in our minds.
     
    #17 Beth, Jul 17, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2008
  18. Beth

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    Superwoman

    I am very sorry for your situation, and I have had some experience with what you are talking about....things which happened to me in my twenties before I was saved. Time...you have not sufficient time to heal....time is what is going to help you. Believe me, the pain does go away over time. You are doing the absolute right thing by turning to Him and seeking Him in the Bible. The book of Psalms is the best book for you, it is the most comforting. Every emotion is expressed in Psalms.

    But, I have to get real with you here for a moment. You have got to disabuse yourself of the notion that other Christians do not have trials. We will ALWAYS have trials here on this earth for many reasons...one reason is that we grow the fastest in trials. God uses trials to grow more of His Son's nature in us.

    Two, we go through trials when we are being punished by God. Hebrews 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
    6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
    7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
    8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

    A third reason, which is tied to the second, is we have trials because as long as we live in these bodies we shall have battles between the flesh and the spirit. EVERY Christian has these battles. Paul had these battles. Romans 7:19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
    20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
    21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
    22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
    23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
    24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
    25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

    You must disabuse yourself of the notion that everyone else has it easy and you have it the hardest...it just isn't so, though it may seem that way when you are in the midst of your darkest moments.

    While I do have a blessed marriage and lovely children, I am not without my burdens. I am disabled...I have an optic nerve which is paralyzed. I haven't been able to drive for four years now. Some day I will probably lose my vision...it is getting more difficult to see every day. Two of my children have Asperger's Syndrome...this is on the high end of the autistic spectrum. We have concerns for the boys' future and their self sufficiency. Praise the Lord they are believers, though! I could go on and on but you know what, it all does NOT matter! This life is very, very temporary. We have the hope which we need to comfort one another in, and that is we will be with Christ eternally some day! That is what we are to look forward to...

    1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
    18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

    Superwoman, remember the words of Christ...Joh 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

    Your sis in Christ,
    Beth
     
  19. Brother Shane

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    So she has two children -- seven years of difference in their age, so she either 1) had one than one "man" and 2) stayed with that same man 7+ years and never married. I gave "Val" the benefit of the doubt. Now it is clear she is a fornicator.

    Would she wait until marriage to act as a married couple?

    Which would lead to another child.

    :rolleyes:



    You are dead wrong! And if I did ... what difference would it make? Why can't YOU make a family in Happy Valley?



    I hate that for her. Is she going to follow the Bible's way of teaching when it comes to love and relationships -- or is she going to give the man what he wants and sob to another woman that she has been abused and doesn't know what to do with her life?!



    Where is that in scripture, ma'am? And by the way, you told us you made him file for divorce. Even if your fictional scripture did exist, you would be in contradiction to it.
     
  20. JustChristian

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    As I have gotten older I have come to realize that the world is a much different place than I thought it was growing up in a happy Christian family in Ky. One thing I have better understood recently is that Jesus was the absolute Master at accepting people as they are and providing comfort in their pain but at the same time admonishing them to "go and sin no more." We have Him as our great comforter today. It might sound flippant but He can carry our burdens if we just walk with Him.

    I've had some very hard times myself. One benefit of this is that once you've experienced difficult things you are much better equipped to help others who are currently struggling. We all have heard this before but it really is true. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is the answer. What would we (I) do without Him?

    On a lighter side my goldens like my first one "Magic" shown here have been a great source of companionship to me.
     
    #20 JustChristian, Jul 17, 2008
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