do you ever apologize, just to keep peace?

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by christine, May 20, 2003.

  1. christine

    christine
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    I do not. I'm always accused "you never apologize!". I do apologize, but only when I think I am wrong.
    How many people apologize just to keep peace, and why?
    Christine
     
  2. USN2Pulpit

    USN2Pulpit
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2003
    Messages:
    1,641
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, I apologize to my wife all the time...

    On the other hand, if you apologize only when you think you're wrong, perhaps you're wrong more than you think you are. Finding fault within yourself can be difficult at times - especially in the heat of the moment.
     
  3. christine

    christine
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    "In the past" I have apologized for upsetting someone, or for how they interpreted my words, but it really did not help, because they wanted to hear that I was wrong. I refuse to lie and say I was wrong, when it is not true. Sometimes the truth hurts, so I may apologize for the hurt, but never the stating the truth.
    I hate someone to apologize to me just to pacify me. It's insincere and unfelt. BTW my husband hasn't figured this out yet. He'll apologize and then get mad when I don't return it.
    Christine
     
  4. j_barner2000

    j_barner2000
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2003
    Messages:
    888
    Likes Received:
    0
    I believe that when I go from talking about something to arguing about it, then I am wrong. Even when I was correct in the first place. I have no right to argue. So, yes, I always appologise after an arguement.
     
  5. stubbornkelly

    stubbornkelly
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    3,472
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't find myself apologizing for things unnecessarily, no. I think, though, we too often hear an "I'm sorry" as an apology, when it isn't always. When I say something that hurts someone, even if what I've said is true, and they tell me they're hurt, I will tell them that I'm sorry my words hurt, but that I don't feel any less strongly about what it was I said. And that's often the truth. I am sorry they feel bad, but that doesn't always mean I made them feel bad. It's not an apology; rather it's a recognition of their feelings in response to my statements.
     
  6. christine

    christine
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    Kelly, I think may be a "girl thing". I do know husband are notorious for apologizing, no matter what. I'm just wondering why?
    I think girls apologize to girl more often, then to men.
    I think men apologize to women more often than to other men.
    So women "get" more apologies.
    Still want to know what make them tic....
    Christine
     
  7. PJ

    PJ
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2003
    Messages:
    3,952
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sometimes it's necessary; other times not ...
    PJ

    [ May 20, 2003, 11:57 AM: Message edited by: PJ ]
     
  8. Helen

    Helen
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/Helen2.gif>

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2001
    Messages:
    11,703
    Likes Received:
    1
    Sure I do! There are ways of telling the truth, and when I am not being diplomatic or kind, then no matter what I am saying, my words have probably hurt someone and an apology is in order.

    Truth does not excuse rudeness. The law of God is love. And that means really caring for the other person.

    There are a lot of times when I may be doing or saying the 'right' thing, but my attitude is such as to cause hurt. That absolutely needs to be apologized for as far as I am concerned. I know that I respond far more readily to being corrected with kindness than otherwise, and I know others are the same.

    In our hurry-up world, it's so easy to just flash out with the truth as we see it without taking time for the people involved, or taking the time to listen and understand and care.

    Keeping in mind that only Jesus, who is the truth, knows the whole truth, we then need to let HIM speak and live through us, and not figure we are righteous on our own.

    I probably OWE apologies to a lot more people than I HAVE apologized to!

    Doesn't mean being a doormat. It's another way of saying "I care", though.
     
  9. Wisdom Seeker

    Wisdom Seeker
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2002
    Messages:
    5,702
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is what Our Pastor taught us to say in an arguement for the sake of peace and contentment in any relationship, not just marriage.

    "I was wrong.
    You were right.
    Please forgive me"

    Now I understand that it takes a really humble and spirit led person to say they are wrong, when they feel self-righteous and indignant. But for the sake of peace, sometimes we do things preferring the feelings of the other person for the sake of the relationship as a whole.

    Usually if a person can say these three humble sentences, they will receive an appology in return. And the contention will cease.

    I understand this is hard. We usually laugh when we say them at our house. But, It's never failed us yet.

    You just have to ask yourself what is more important, being right and risking the health of the relationship, or being humble enough to sacrifice pride for the sake of the relationship.

    If you are speaking about here on the B.B., yes I've appologized many times for the sake of peace. People are more important than my being right. Even if I have to humble myself and pray first to do it.
     
  10. donnA

    donnA
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    What if it isn't true Laurenda? Should you still tell someone you were wrong if you weren't? That would be lying. I'm not going to lie just to make someone else happy, if they don't like the truth, I can't help them.
     
  11. christine

    christine
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    Whoops, I was hunting and pecking while katie posted, sorry if I repeat her.
    But don't you think it would be wrong to lie and say you are sorry, when you are not?
    I just think an apology is a very important thing and that many use it very lightly. There have been times in my life that just to hear "I'm sorry", made me sick.
    My response would be "If you were really sorry, you wouldn't keep doing it".
    I'm not saying it's ok to hurt people, I've already said that I would apologize for this.
    BTW the board did make me think about this originally, but no it's not about the board.
    Christine
     
  12. Frogman

    Frogman
    Expand Collapse
    <img src="http://www.churches.net/churches/fubc/Fr
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2001
    Messages:
    5,492
    Likes Received:
    0
    Once, two old elders in a church had a disagreement and neither would speak to the other. One day after this had gone on for some time, one of them came under conviction to visit the other and seek reconciliation. He visited the man's home and found him working in his yard. He told the man the nature of his visit. The second man agreed and they decided to seek this reconciliation in prayer. The man who was at home said, I will pray first. Then and there he went upon his knees and began praying. Soon he rose and the second man began to pray, when his brother stopped him and told him his prayer was not necessary. The second man was confused until the first told him the problem was truly in himself and the Lord had shown him this through his prayer and thus were they reconciled.

    Timothy 2:1  ¶Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

    God Bless.
    Bro. Dallas Eaton [​IMG]
     
  13. Sherrie

    Sherrie
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2002
    Messages:
    10,274
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am sorry that theses kind of circumstances have come about. I regret that there is friction amongst this. it is not my desire to argue and fight. I will try to see you, or any one else as Jesus would see you. I am sorry that I lost my cool. I know that is not what Jesus would do.

    I know that Jesus teaches us a way to reach out to others, and that all of us learn from the same Holy Spirit.

    Sherrie
     
  14. Helen

    Helen
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/Helen2.gif>

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2001
    Messages:
    11,703
    Likes Received:
    1
    Christine, Kate, you can be sorry that a situation happened and that you contributed to it negatively. That doesn't mean you were wrong about whatever truth you presented, but it does mean that you are sorry that the situation was such that people who needn't have been hurt or offended were.

    Christine, I know that when I have heard my children say "I'm sorry" to me about certain things through the years that I have KNOWN they were not sorry about what they did, only about being caught! Nevertheless, I have also learned to take them at their word and try to help them follow through.

    "How can I help you not get into this problem again?" Then they know I am taking them seriously and sometimes, sometimes they take their own words a little more seriously about it, too!

    Responding to an apology the right way, even if you are pretty sure it is insincere, can often lead to a position where the other person really can change, and that is probably what is really necessary in some cases.

    Kate, I know how frustrating it is to feel that you have a handle on the truth and that someone else is violating it badly. But you know something I have learned about myself? Just when I think I have the truth about something, something else is presented to me by the Lord to show me just how short my own understanding is! A great, but often painful, lesson in humility!

    Folks, one of the lessons Jesus taught in the Bible is that we should consider others better than ourselves. He did not say others "who prove themselves to us", but just "others". When we do that, and figure that we just don't know all that we should, our responses are generally a lot better than they would be otherwise.

    And, sometimes, saying "I'm sorry" just to keep the peace allows that peace to work, and allows the Prince of Peace to do His work in both people's lives... [​IMG]
     
  15. christine

    christine
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sherrie, I think you are sweet and kind. I have not ever felt offended when you state your beliefs. I do think you appraoch your answers with the right attitude in your heart. Sometimes in reading something written, it is easier to misunderstand and take offense.
    But honestly, this is not about the board, I was actually expecting more husbands to respond, so I could get a glimpse of their world.
    Christine
     
  16. RomOne16

    RomOne16
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2002
    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    0
    For me, when I'm having a hard time forgiving someone, I know I have some praying and soul searching to do. After that, I always realize that my pride was the reason I didn't want to apologize. The "I'm right. I know I'm right, and I don't care if it harelips the Pope, I'm not gonna apologize!" attitude. :eek: [​IMG] But when I get my pride out of the way, I can see that my attitude was only making things much worse.

    I'm just thankful that God is much more forgiving and merciful than we are. ;)


    Php 2:3 - Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.


    Matthew 6:9 - After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
     
  17. Joseph_Botwinick

    Joseph_Botwinick
    Expand Collapse
    <img src=/532.jpg>Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2000
    Messages:
    17,527
    Likes Received:
    0
    No I do not.

    Joseph Botwinick [​IMG]
     
  18. Charlesga

    Charlesga
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2003
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    I sometimes find that I need to apologize not for what I said, but how I said it.
     
  19. Sherrie

    Sherrie
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2002
    Messages:
    10,274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Joseph! [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Sherrie [​IMG]
     
  20. Popeye

    Popeye
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2002
    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, I do.

    My relationship with my wife, my family and my friends are more important than some egotistical self righteous attitude that I have to be right all the time. Besides, who is ever right all the time?
     

Share This Page

Loading...