When I was in the Air Force I was very involved in OCSC which I guess has changed its name since then. The first missionary in this group I met was Old Jesse Miller a great guy who wanted to share the gospel. He had set up a hospitality house for the base guys and held bible studies. I remember we had a great group of on fire guys who took the opportunity to share with other members on base despite the difficulties we faced with sharing the gospel. We had some successes and many more failures but the fellowship grew. Jesse Miller soon left and we got another missionary couple that really kept the momentum going. During that time during both hardship and joy I developed long lasting relationships with my christian brothers and sisters in the Air Force. And even when assigned to different countries and situations we all kept close contact. Two of these men are on my mind a lot lately. We had left the Service and went on our own ways as civilians. These two men were a great witness for the lord and men I always took encouragement from as they lived their faith being a bold witness to those around them. I was never quiet so bold but I did witness when I had the opportunity. Both these guys got married and had children. Then after several years I find out that both men left their families and some how felt it was God leading their lives. In a way it crushed me. I cannot fathom how a person can be on fire then "sense" that God would want them to just pick up and leave their wives. Both me spoke to me to attempt to "get" me on their side. But I just quoted scripture and asked them how they felt that God would cause them to sin against their own families. Its not like they don't know the scriptures. I wonder if its part of their midlife crisis. One of them I wonder if it was desert storm that did it. He's been in and out of the VA hospitals. I feel as though I've lost not only two good friends but brothers in the lord. I use to look up to their behavior and testimony and in some ways immulate them. Now I'm discurage by their behavior and as I go through scripture and find critical techniques and find there are all sorts stuff that I question nagging thoughts enter my head like how accurate is this stuff? After all the apostles relied on some information that we consider fiction. Jesus can be questioned by this verse . And many other missed prophesy transcription errors. How effective is being born again when guys like this can rationalize sin. I knew several missionary kids while growing up and one committed suicide. And I seem to be getting into this spiral of doubt and discouragement. At time I get Erhman. Science questions the theology of death. And many more things. In the end I'm getting tired of theology. And feeling. Well, just tired.