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Dog Not For Sale

Discussion in 'Other Discussions' started by Rolfe, Oct 23, 2015.

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  1. Rolfe

    Rolfe Well-Known Member
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    Circulating on the Interweb-

    IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG: PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM. YES, HE BIT SIX PEOPLE WEARING OBAMA T-SHIRTS, FOUR PEOPLE WEARING PELOSI T-SHIRTS, TWO CAR DRIVERS WITH RAP MUSIC BLARING FROM THEIR VEHICLES, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR CRACKS, AND THREE FLAG BURNERS.



    [​IMG]

    FOR THE LAST TIME. . .

    THE DOG IS NOTFOR SALE!

    NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

    *laugh*
     
    #1 Rolfe, Oct 23, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2015
  2. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    DOG FOR SALE

    A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

    "You talk?" he asks.

    "Yep," the Lab replies.

    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

    The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

    "I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

    "I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

    "Ten dollars," the guy says.

    "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"

    "Because he lies, ohhh how he lies and has these grandiose delusions", shaking his head with a disgusted look, "He never was in the CIA!".
     
    #2 kyredneck, Oct 23, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2015
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  3. Kevin

    Kevin Active Member

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    .
     
    #3 Kevin, Oct 23, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2015
  4. TCassidy

    TCassidy Late-Administator Emeritus
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    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

    "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

    "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
     
    #4 TCassidy, Oct 23, 2015
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  5. TCassidy

    TCassidy Late-Administator Emeritus
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    And God Created Dog...

    A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

    Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

    And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

    And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

    And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

    And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

    And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

    And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.

    And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

    After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

    And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

    And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

    And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

    And they were greatly improved.

    And God was pleased. And Dog was happy.

    And Cat didn't care one way or the other.
     
    #5 TCassidy, Oct 23, 2015
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  6. Rolfe

    Rolfe Well-Known Member
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    TCassidy, I almost need to blow my nose from laughing so hard.
     
    #6 Rolfe, Oct 23, 2015
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  7. Melanie

    Melanie Active Member
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    Love it TCassidy!


    Mel
     
    #7 Melanie, Oct 30, 2015
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