Dumb question about romance!

I disagree. She could "start something" without having to start something, and most husbands would appreciate it.

 

I'm not certain I like the whole courtship idea. While I do think our young people need more supervision, I think dating can be handled without going so far as saying "if you are not interested in marrying don't come around".

I dated my husband for 2 years before either of us mentioned the word marry and both of us knew (but didn't tell the other) that we'd end up marrying from the very first conversation (wasn't even a date!). This fall will mark the 24 anniversary of that first conversation though it took another 4 years before the hitchin' took place. Our kind of experience doesn't seem to happen much anymore.

The whole dating issue around here comes up much earlier than 15. Our kids start in middle school. Cass was in sixth grade when the first fella came lookin'. I made my mark right at the start, poor kid. Phone conversations? 5 minutes and I had to be in the room. Failing to identify oneself upon my picking up the phone, and I always answered, meant they didn't talk at all. Saying yes ma'am and no ma'am when speaking to me sometimes earned an extra minute or so. Meeting at the mall? Only if his mother was there and we both tagged along after them.

The result of this was nice polite young men who promptly told all their friends that Cass' mom didn't play games and meant what she said. This kept the ones that were up to no good from bothering her and she appreciated (still does) the protection.

There are quite a few girls in both Cass' class and my 6th grade son's class that need t-shirts with this printed on it. I was just amazed when some of the mother's of Cass class told me how the girls were calling their son. I'm just waiting on the first one to call here.....(won't be a good idea)

Luckily, we have 2 more years before Cass will be old enough for me to consider letting her out of the house with some boy. Her rules will be the same as mine: in by 10, local dates only, we have to meet the boy first, know who his parents are, where he/they attend church(no church, no date) and if it is a group date we must know the others in the group as well.

Conversations about physical intimacy have happened since she first noticed two people on tv kissing and realized that they weren't married. This in not a subject that has just come up as I believe you have to build a bridge before you can cross it and I wanted hers to be built as solid as it was possible for it to be built. Far, far to many kids are tossed out to date with absolutely no idea how to handle their hormones, much less any thoughts on building a relationship.

 

Without "having to" how could she, if I've already started something?

 

Many Christians I know have the same mentality around dating that the unsaved do. They believe getting lots of different boyfriends/girlfriends and lots of broken hearts is just part and parcel of growing up.

The way I see it God already knows the one he has for each of us, we just need to be patient and wise enough to pick out the right one when GOd brings them by.

We can have good friends etc, but this whole thing of dating-breaking up-dating-breaking up etc is just wrong.

My wife and I did not hold hands until the couple of weeks before we got married and our first kiss was when we heard the words, "You may kiss the bride..." The teens in my church think that such standards are crazy and/or nigh on a miracle.

In my mind dating is too simplistic, too flippant. Courting carries the idea of intentions, standards and responsibility.

As well, if a guy is not man enough to speak sensibly with a girl's parents then he is not man enough to be getting into close relationships with girls.

 

I would agree that such standards are not only unrealistic but contrary to finding the right mate. It was your choice, though.

 

I would argue that they are not unrealistic because I did it and know others who have gone the same route.

May I ask why you think it is unrealistic and why you think it is contrary to finding the right mate?

 

We certainly had romantic letters etc. And it was exciting and intense in certain ways. We always minimised the physical even though we both found each other attractive. It was a conscious decision and one I have never regretted.

The depth of our relationship prior to and even after marriage was not in the physical but in the realm of the personality. Our focus was on knowing each other and not touching each other.

When we met I was 20 and my wife was 18. And like I said before, we have never had any regrets about the way we conducted our relationship prior to marriage.

It was not easy, but I believe it was right.

 

I agree. No man wants to be married to a door mat.

 

Well, "door mat" and "starting something" aren't the only two options. There's room in between, and I assume that many wives fit in there and have happy husbands. (Not to say that they might not be happier if their wives gravitated a little toward the latter.)

 

I agree. I think most people want to be able to love and be loved.