eligible for re-marriage?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by ckmn101, Aug 4, 2009.

  1. ckmn101

    ckmn101
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    Greetings. I'm not 100% sure which forum this question belongs in, but I would like to get a biblical answer to it. I have researched this and asked a few friends/pastors and I am getting opposite answers.
    I asked the Lord into my life when I was 12 years old at church camp. Shortly after I strayed and turned to a life of sin and rebellion. I turned my back on the Lord for nearly 15 years. During this time I married and divorced two different women.
    Three years ago I re-dedicated my life to Jesus Christ, and have been very faithfully seeking His will for my life since.
    My question is-according to the Bible, am I eligible to get married again or would I be causing my would-be wife to sin (as well as myself)?
    I'll be happy to add any more needed details for clarification, but I think this gives the needed facts of my life.

    Thanks in advance,
    Mike
     
  2. convicted1

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    remarriage?

    Brother,

    Divorce has caused much confusion, and spearation amongst the baptist, and other denominations, for years, if not centuries. The carnal minded is at enmity with God, and are not subject to the laws of God, neither indeed can be. When you were a sinner, you were just that, a sinner. When the Lord forgave you of your sins, you became a new creature, and all things have become new. You now walk in the newness of the Spirit, not the oldness of the letter. IOW, you can remarry, but only in the Lord. Pray that He sends you a Godly woman, and led Him do this in His time, and not yours.

    Willis
     
  3. Scarlett O.

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    The following is only my opinion. I am only a layperson and have no scripture to support my opinion.

    If, as you say, the marriages and divorces that you lived through were as a sinner in rebellion against God, then as a repentant believer, you can move past them.

    But here in lies the question.

    Have you repentanted privately to God that you sinned in divorcing and in not maintaining a Biblical marriage and being a Biblical husband? If not, do so.

    Have you repented to the two women you were married to while in rebellion to God? Have you confessed to them that you, as the husband and Biblical leader of the home failed them? Even if they shared responsibility in the failed marriages, and I'm sure that they did, repentance must be full circle. If they aren't speaking to you, then write them a letter confessing and asking forgiveness.

    If you have come clean before God and those you have wronged and you now live the life of a believer, then marry this woman and get much premarital counseling on Biblical and Godly marriages.

    My pastor says it like this (and he is VERY opposed to remarriages and will not marry ANYONE who has been divorced, even an innocent party).

    He say, "Once you come to an understanding of what Biblical and Godly marriages are and how husbands are to lead in love, sanctifying the wife and how the wife, with strength and honor, is to support and respect the husband , then are you supposed to go back and re-marry the person you are divorced from who has married someone else? No. You are to make a commitment to the one you have now to live in marriage the way the Bible says to live. Start today, right now, with the spouse you have and live God's way."
     
  4. Deacon

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    You think after two women you'd have had enough. :laugh:

    Sure, if you need to you can get remarried; the Lord's forgiving.

    But don't think that just because you're a Christian things will be better.

    Christian's get divorced in the same numbers as non-Christians.

    Make sure your heart and mind have been re-newed.

    Go into the new marrage with fear and trembling.

    Rob
     
  5. Johnv

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    Greetings, ckmn101. As Christians, we can never go back, we can only move forward. The biggest question I have is one of attitude. You're obviously displaying a repentant heart about your previous marriages during a time of rebellion. The one question I would ask is whether your previous marriages ended for scripturally appropriate reasons (for cases of adultery, or cases of abandonment, which also includes abuses). If you left for those reasons, then there was nothign inappropriate about your marriages ending. If, however, one of the marriages ended due to a transgression of yours, then I believe there is a need to seek the forgiveness of your previous spouses, assuming they have not already expressed such.

    The issue of repentence and forgiveness in scripture for the new Christian is that of attitude. If your attitude is one of followign the Lord in marriage, and your previous attitude which was rpesent in your prior relationships is ended, then scripture does not forbid you from remarrying. Paul, for example, says that if a man has a desire to be sexual, then it is right for him to marry. Paul does not say "unless you've been married before".
     
  6. canadyjd

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    Brother, I must be candid and say that is not a particularly compelling testimony of conversion.

    Please don't misunderstand. I do not presume to be the salvation police. I do not have Holy Spirit radar that allows me to see inside a person for indwelling Holy Spirit. I can't/won't declare you to be saved or unsaved.

    But, based on your statements, IMHO, your should first examine your position before God, to be certain of your conversion and faith.
    I am not trying to be mean, so please don't take it that way. I just want you to think.

    You say you "re-dedicated" your life to Jesus. But, based on your on statements, when did you ever have any dedication to our Lord? It seems the only "dedication" you have had is over the past 3 years or so.
    The reason I brought up the former is because of the way it impacts your question.

    The way I understand it, based on the I Cor. passage, the only reason that remarriage is allowed for a Christian is if two unbelievers are married.... one becomes a Christian and the other abandons the first because they became a Christian. Paul says they are not "bound" in such cases.

    If two Christians are married, they should attempt to reconcile.

    A Christian should not marry an unbeliever. If they do, the Christian must attempt to reconcile with the spouse.

    Any sin committed prior to salvation is forgiven. Any sin committed after salvation is forgiven, however, a Christian deliberately sinning causes dishonor to come to the name of Christ and grieves Holy Spirit indwelling.

    So, if you were a believer when you divorced, I believe scripture says that if you remarry you will be an adulterer and cause the woman you marry to be adulterer.

    If you choose to remarry anyway, that is between you and your wife and God, and I would never question the validity of that marriage.

    peace to you:praying:
     
  7. donnA

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    If he was 12 when he was saved it means he divorced after he was saved. The bible calls remariage adultry, unless you divorced becasue your spouse commits adultry, in that case Jesus calls you hard hearted.
     
  8. Johnv

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    Scripture has two exceptions, not one. The first is adultery, as noted. The second is abandonment. Abandonment traditionally means the physical departing of one spouse, but it can also include spousal abuse, abuses of drugs or alcohol, etc. These are all forms of a person abandoning the marital covenant.

    A person is scripturally not forbidden from marrying in the aforementioned examples.
     
  9. tinytim

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    I agree.............
     
  10. donnA

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    got scripture?
     
  11. Johnv

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    Author Barbara Roberts covers the topic in depth in her book "Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery, and Desertion".

    There are several examples in scripture, but the most common one is Paul's words in 1 Cor 7:15 "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace..." The term "unbeliever" here isn't only referring to a person who is saved, but is referring to one who lives by the examples of Christ. A person who abuses the marital covenant through, for example, physically abusing his/her shpouse, is an obvious example of a person being an unbeliever. Paul permits the believing spouse to leave, and no longer remain in bondage.

    I'll be frank here. IMO, if a Christian thinks that a victim of spousal abuse is sinning by divorcing, that person has got a screw loose.
     
    #11 Johnv, Aug 5, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2009
  12. Dale-c

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    Divorce is typically unacceptable for independent baptists. However there are a couple of exceptions such as if your last name is either Riplinger or Ruckman.

    Ok, I am just teasing here.

    I do believe divorce is possible and when it happens remarriage is a possibility.
    I do not believe though that sinless divorce is a possibility. All divorce involves sin, typically from both sides. One side may be more at fault than the other but both sides are at fault in virtually all cases.

    But after all has happened, is a person stuck being single for the rest of his or her life? I don't believe the Bible teaches that.
     
  13. Johnv

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    Absolutely it does not. Paul says it's fine if you want to remain single, but he also says that a person experiencing sexual desire should marry so as not to "burn with lust".
     
  14. saturneptune

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    That is a very good post. I agree with the poster above you also about the loose screw.
     
  15. Aaron

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    Your "2nd wife" was really no wife. You were living in adultery. This 3rd woman will not be your wife either. You will be committing adultery. Is your first wife (your true wife) remarried?
     
  16. ckmn101

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    I would like to thank everyone so much for the responses to my question.
    To canadyjd
    I appreciate your comments very much as well, that will certainly make me think.
    Have a great rest of the day.
    God bless
     
  17. JDale

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    Ck --

    My friend, let me first say I am thankful for your testimony of Jesus' forgiveness and salvation! That is, and must remain, your constant and steadfast priority.

    Second, I want to encourage you that, when God has forgiven, He has forgiven. I don't know if you were saved as a child, or if you were truly saved as you rededicated your life -- but God knows. I want to urge you, whatever the case, "to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."

    Now, with regard to your questions about marriage, allow me to share a story with you from my past ministry. I once believed in the "first marriage, only marriage" view that some here profess. One day, a student of mine in the Bible College where I taught requested prayer for his uncle. I asked him to explain, and this is what he told me...

    His uncle was the song leader in their local church. He was also a member of a Gospel quartet that sang around that area of the state. about 10 years before, his wife of a number of years left him. She soon took up with another man, though he tried for over a year to reconcile the marriage, to no avail. They eventually divorced.

    Two years later, he met a sweet Christian woman in church, and after a year or so, he went to his Pastor to ask that he marry them. The Pastor, Fundamentalist to the core, told the man that he would not marry them, and that if he got married to this woman he would have the man removed as worship leader, and he would have to inform other churches to which his gospel group ministered that he was living in "adultery." The term sometimes used is "perpetual adultery."

    For eight years, this man had "dated" this Christian woman, but they had not married. He had continued as worship leader, and in the quartet, but he was miserable. He deeply loved this woman, and was, as any normal man can understand, torn up with his desires. This woman, I'm quite sure, felt the same.

    God said, "it is not good that man should be alone." Paul said under the Spirit's anointing, "it is better to marry than to burn." Jesus said, "All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men."

    Ck, Paul's admonition, in keeping with the whole counsel of God, teaches that you are free to remarry -- only IN THE LORD. Common sense also demonstrates that as a man, it is a GOOD thing to marry.

    Finally, I would point to King David as an example of this truth. David committed adultery with Bathsheba. He even went so far as to have her husband Uriah killed. After that, to cover his sin -- Bathsheba's pregnancy -- he married her. But God saw. When confronted about it by Nathan, David repented, and Nathan told David, "thy sins are forgiven thee." The consequences of his sin he dealt with the rest of his life, starting with the loss of the first child Bathsheba conceived in adultery. BUT, in a demonstration of redemption and grace, it was his SECOND child with Bathsheba, conceived after his repentance, SOLOMON, that become his heir to the throne of Israel. Did God forgive David? YES. And He has forgiven you too.

    I pray the Lord Jesus guide you, guard your heart and life, and in accordance with His will, lead you to the mate He wants for you. Rely on Him, He is worthy of all your trust!
     
  18. Aaron

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    IOW, Christ says one thing, but let me share a personal experience that says something different.

    No one on this thread thus far expressed any such thing.
    That was sweet. Really. I'm fighting tears.

    Puh-leeze!

    What bit of info was revealed in the OP that makes this story in any way relevant? Was ckmn101 abandoned for the sake of the Gospel? I think he very clearly stated that he divorced the women.

    Don't forget that the sword never departed from David's house for this sin. His family was plagued with murder, incestuous rape, and other forms of internal strife for the rest of his life. Be not deceived, God will not be mocked. You will reap what you sow.

    So, begin sowing in righteousness now. You will reap the fruit of your years of rebellion, and there will be many tears. If you continue to sow seeds of righteousness despite the tears, you will come again REJOICING bringing your sheaves, the peaceable fruit of righteousness, with you.
     
    #18 Aaron, Aug 6, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2009
  19. Johnv

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    There's not enough information in the OP to make that determination, since the OP does not state the reasons for the first two marriages ending.
     
  20. thomas15

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    OK, here is my opinion.

    Sometimes, the answer given to this question is colored by the experience of the person giving the answer. I'm not accusing anyone of this as you are getting well tought out responses. You are asking a very complicated question.

    I would say as a general statement that we can have our sins forgiven totally by asking and then believing that God through the shed blood of Christ can deliver. Forgiven, in my opinion means totally forgiven. Gone.

    However, the Bible has much to say about divorce and re-marrage. Jesus wants his church pure. I was studying the last chapter of Ezra just the other day. It isn't stated in the text that the Israelites who divorced their gentile wives, some of them had children, but some commentators speculate that the Jews would have kept some responsibilities regarding the support of their now ex-wives and children. I believe this is true. So, if you have any children from a previous marrage or any other responsibility, then you must take care of that responsibility.

    I'm going to take the view that based on what you have revealed to us and assuming that you seek the will of God with a pure heart and listen to what God directs you through much prayer and Bible study and you take care of all past responsibilities then yes remarry. When I say much prayer, I mean much. And keep in your heart the very real possibility that God may not want you to remarry. Look for his will in your life in all aspects.

    You should expect that while God will bless you as he promises, He will also withhold some of the blessings and your potential future wife should be fully aware of this. Having said this, I do not think that you should aspire to a leadership position within the local New Testament Church, that is a different matter all together.

    I have noticed and maybe you have also, that we tend to hold up to high regard people who have commited great crimes, then repented and dedicated or re-dedicated their lives to the Lord. But divorce causes real problems, it is an exception. You owe it to yourself and any future wife to fully comprehend what sin is and how it affects us in our walk with the Lord. This is no little matter. You trusted in Christ at a very young age. I doubt seriously that you did a full study of the Bible with respect to marrage at age 12 or so. You might have suspected that you should not have divorced when you did. There are people who think this who have never read one word of the Bible, there is some morality present even in total unbelievers. You should not make the decision to remarry lightly though and you should be 100% open and honest with any potenntial new spouse.
     

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