First Child Left The Nest

Discussion in 'Baptist Colleges / Seminaries' started by Pastor_Bob, Aug 9, 2002.

  1. Pastor_Bob

    Pastor_Bob
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    I recently took our oldest son to Oklahoma Baptist College in Oklahoma City. This is where he feels God wants him to go. I am very pleased that he chose this college. I feel very confident that he is in God's will.

    My question is this: How do you properly prepare for a child to leave the home for the first time? I thought I was ready but, the night before he left, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I found that I hadn't prepared for this day.

    I was more emotional during these few days than I have ever been in my life. My son and I were and are very close. We sang together, played ball together, worked a bus route together, and just about everything else.

    Did anyone else have a tough time letting their first child go?
     
  2. latterrain77

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    Hi Bob. It’s a very difficult thing to “let go” of a child when they go off into the world. It is heart breaking, and harder on the parent then it is on the child (and it is very tough on the child too). Your son has chosen a terrific path, which makes it somewhat easier for you.

    I’m reminded of the prodigal sons dad. The prodigal left home under tough conditions for the dad (Luke 15: 11-32). Yet, the dad “let him go” and do his thing. Fortunately, your son is NOT a prodigal – though the principals of “letting them go” still apply. You will always have one eye on your work and the other eye on your child (even though you won't see the child physically).

    Keep your prayer level high and stay firmly rooted in the inerrant word of truth – the Bible. This will help you stay focused. Call your son often, and stay "connected" (email, phone, letter, etc). Last thought: remember to tell your son that you LOVE him. Say it loud – say it verbally – so that he will hear it. It’s worth more than a zillion dollars.

    latterrain77
     
  3. kathy56

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    Does it almost felt like a death in the family come close to your feelings????

    That is how I felt when our daughter went of to the University of Arkansas. Yes, we thought we were ready. But, no we weren't. We just missed her physical presence in our home. The smells of her, her laughter, her chatter, the rushing and comings and going.

    We still had our son had home - you think the first child leaving is bad - wait till the last child leaves - empty nest can hit hard.

    But you move on each day. Your relationship changes in great an exciting ways. I have such a wonderful relationship with my daugther now - who by the way lives in New York and we are in Texas. I wouldn't go back to that teenage relationship for anything.

    Just be patient and let time take care of things. I know you don't believe it but your relationship with your son is just changing and God has a real treat for you in store as your get to know him as a man and not a boy or teenager.

    Your heart will heal. As the other kids leave home you and your wife will suddenly find yourself almost back to where you were before the kids came along in your relationship.
     
  4. Circuitrider

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    Hey brother, I know what you are going through. I have two married sons who live out of state and so I had to deal with their leaving. Since my kids all went to college close by (Maranatha in Watertown, WI) they were able to live at home. However, my third son graduated in May this year and is pursuing a teaching job in New Jersey. Last night my wife asked me if I was prepared for his leaving to go far away (she was not), and I had to consider it. :eek: Each child leaving takes away a part of the family framework build over the years (we have five children). When we get together we take up where we left off. So we will have to let Paul fly and then we still have two more to take that eventual step. ;)

    May God bless you as you deal with the leaving of your first son. [​IMG]
     
  5. Sherrie

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    Hi Bob!
    I am there with you and your wife!

    I certainly had a very rough day yesterday watching my son drive off into the big world. I don't know what to say. I told him to please not forget all that he was taught up to this day. To please not forget God...Jesus...and His Holy Spirit that does dwell in him. That just because he was away from home....please don't get all caught up in things that were not apart of his life before.

    I prayed and prayed and prayed. I did not cry in front of him. He left smiling. But I cried the whole rest of the day and some now as I am writing. I think the hardest thing is just letting go. We have to let go of so many things in our lives...but when you let go of one of your babies...AND SAY WHAT YOU WANT...I love him and he was my second to last child so he is my baby!! (HE would be so upset if he knew I said that! hehehe!) I have 5 kids. He was #4. Plus I am raising my g-daughter. So I am not new to this. It still hurts. But I am so happy for him too.

    We never went fishing and guy things like that...but he was my best friend too. Isn't it funny how all their lives you protect and care for them...keeping them safe and comfortable. And BOOM! It is time to send them out on their own. You just are never ready. We have been packed here for a month. But when he put it all in his truck yesterday morn....it hits you hard.

    If this is how we feel when we let go of our children...and we just hope they come back safe and remembering all of what we taught them....then what God feels for us is so much more...and he just wants for us to come back. And God doesn't just have one child.....but thousands and thousands and etc. The pain for us God must feel.

    I am so sorry God, I love you so much. Search my heart and you will know.

    Its kind of empty here...and quiet on his side of the house. WOW! I only have two more kids to go. ;)
     
  6. savedgirl63026

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    Well, I wouldn't be able to tell you how to survive with out a son there, but I'll tell you this, Oklahoma Baptist College is a great college for him to be at. My friend just went there in August as well. There are two other boys that are there as well. One of them was an Ambassador last year. Bro. Vineyard is a great preacher and he will be under great authority.

    Jamie [​IMG]
     
  7. Grace

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    Well, I don't have kids, but my "little" brother just moved to Anderson Christian College last weekend. He is 1 year, eleven months and 8 days younger than me, so as you can tell, I can't remember him NOT being around. I'm the oldest, and my sister is 13. We are having a rough time because we miss him so much. His room doesn't even smell the same (although, that may not be a bad thing. The sweaty boy smell was getting old)I have tried to call him, but I only get to talk to his roomate. When we left Anderson last Sunday, I cried for the first 30 minutes down the road. I almost cried today when he didn't answer the phone. It's weird setting 4 plates for supper instead of 5. I can't wait for Thanksgiving. If he doesn't come home, his name is mud, and I'm painting his room the exact shade of pink as is found in the women's board :D ;)
     
  8. Sherrie

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    Grace

    Missing loved ones is hard. It is good that you have a relationship with your brother; that would cause you to really miss him.

    I too miss my son. We were best friends. But sometimes we have got to learn to let go fo things and let them blossom. I am sure from the way you talk...you must havve had a wonderful relationship with your brother. He probably misses you too.
    I have noticed this last weekend that the college where my son goes....they had planned a lot of activities for the students so they could get aquainted. Some I really disapproved of. But luckily I taught my son since he was a little weedhopper. So he was able to make wise choices. He is not going to a christian college so activities are a little different. But anyways He was too busy to call dear old mom. By Monday when classes were beginning; he was so tired. After resting up and getting back into things he called me last night and we have chat on MSN. There is also netmeeting if you both have a camera on your computer. I have also videomail. Somethings you might want to think about. It doesn't cost anything to establish these programs. Just the camera; most come with CDs to set different kinds of programs up. You will need to have him have netmeeting too so you both can see each other. Also a micro phone is good. He has HP laptop and his microphone is lousey. Speakers are too. So we bought better speakers and a better microphone. These things are also good because they can save on the phone bill. And maybe mom and dad won't be mad about the phone bill. :D I also bought a cell phone (which I never absolutely use) so he could call me and me him, so we have no long distance. My Son only goes 59 miles away. But thats more than he has ever lived from me.

    Your brother needs your encouragement and love. So don't give up. He is experiencing his first move away from home. He will be back to himself soon.

    God love you hon...I know your pain.

    Sherrie
     
  9. Grace

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    He was actually in the dorm room last night when I called. He said "is this Jessica?" DUH! You haven't been gone that long turkey! I walked on air for an hour. Yeah, he's been busy doing stuff with the other wreslters. It helps him out that his friend Leeland (they've known each other for 3years) is up there with him. The phone bill isn't bad, because we use the cell phone. That's what I mostly use the cell phone for anyway. I also have a pre-paid calling card that I recharge once a month, or every two months (when I have the extra 5 dollars) Yeah, I miss him, but I'm getting a little more used to it now. My friend may be moving into his room if her dad gets transfered to Arizona next summer. She says that there is no way she's moving in her Senior year of high school. As long as she moves to another room whenever Matt is home, my mom says she's fine with it. :D
     
  10. Loren B

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    The last of my 4 children just left for college. She is attending Tennessee Temple which is 6 hours away. It was almost as hard with her as it was with the first. My children are now spread all over the U.S. and the prospects of having them close ever again are not good. I am comforted by the fact that they either are attending or have attended great christian institutions(Maranatha, Northland and now Tennessee Temple) and are serving the Lord faithfully where they are. We are in contact regularly and that helps ease the pain.
    Pray for us and we'll do likewise for you.
     
  11. Grace

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    Loren, I just about flipped when I saw what town you're from. ME TOOO!!! Which church do you go to? Where did your kids go to school? Maybe my brother or I knew them. This is neat.
    Grace
     
  12. Sherrie

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    loren1107,

    Very scarey to think my kids will not be close with each other ever again. Makes me nervous. We better be.
    I feel your pain.
    Sherrie
     
  13. Loren B

    Loren B
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    Grace,

    My wife and I teach at Faith Christian Academy - just a stone's throw from Greenwood Baptist. ( I looked it up on your profile.) We have been in Valdosta for two years now and attend Faith Baptist Church.
    Caroline Wilkinson worked for us last year.
    We are originally from Michigan/Wisconsin so we and our children attended Maranatha Baptist Bible College in Watertown, WI and Northland Baptist Bible College in Dunbar WI before we moved to GA.
    Now they live in Hollister CA, Memphis TN, Dunbar WI and Chattanooga TN.
     
  14. Grace

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    Loren1107, that's pretty neat. I didn't think I'd find anyone else here from Valdosta. I didn't think anyone even knew that Valdosta really existed. :D It's good to know that there are some people from "home" around here.
     
  15. Dr. Bob

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    Children ultimate leave home forever when they leave for college. Sad fact. Oh, they might be home some summers, maybe a year or two after graduation.

    But they are gone. THAT may be why it is hitting you (and everyone) so hard.

    Roots to grow
    Wings to fly

    You've given him one, now the other.

    Email every day. Keep up sharing little things that are going on and be interested in every detail HE is willing to share.

    [Aside: sure hope Jim Vineyard has mellowed from the old days when he was the bus pastor at First Baptist, Hammond. Would not want my DOG to immitate that dude! :eek: ]
     
  16. Pastor_Bob

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    Dr. Bob,

    He has mellowed quite a bit. He is focused on Missions primarily at this time. Windsor Hills Baptist Church supports over 450 Missionaries.

    He still maintains that "Green Beret" image when he preaches out. I think people come to expect that out of him.

    He is a great man to talk to if you need advise. He is a man of prayer and carefully weighs his counsel before he gives it. I am a better man for having worked for him for two years after college.
     
  17. Dr. Bob

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    And I, too, am NOT the man I was . . and pray that people will hear my name and cut me some slack.

    People change and I am glad to hear this report! [​IMG]
     
  18. Circuitrider

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    As I mentioned in a previous post, our third son just accepted a teaching position (Pana, IL) and moved out this last week. We miss his important contribution to our family atmosphere and we miss him. [​IMG]

    As I was reading the other posts on this thread since I posted last time, I got to thinking about what it was like when I left for college (almost 40 years ago). [​IMG] I went to a college 7 hours away from my home. Believe it not, there was no e-mail, most college students did not have cars or the money to own one, there were no calling cards, no travelocity and cheap fares, etc. :eek: For my first call home from college I saved enough money to feed the payphone in the dorm hall to talk to my parents for less than 10 minutes. [​IMG] After that my parents bought me a tape recorder (pre-cassettes) and we sent tapes back and forth. :cool:

    While we miss our kids when they leave, there is so much more contact today through the electronic media that we can keep a much closer tie with them even miles away. Praise God for the advancement of electronics. It doesn't replace their being gone, but it sure helps. [​IMG]
     

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