Hello all, This is my first post here. I have been reading here for multiple months and never had the nerve to post. For a little background.. I haven't lived the best life, Drinking, smoking, pre-marital sex... etc etc. Not raised in the best home, divorced alcoholic parents. My mother took us to church through youth and our early teens and I was saved at 14 years old and a few years later started living a very un-godly life. I never lost the belief of god, I never gave up praying. I met a girl a couple years ago, from a very Christian family whom had made some mistakes in her life. She is a single parent with a 2 year old daughter whom the father wants to claim no responsibility. I fell for her and her daughter and saw her for nearly 2 years. Through this time she asked me about my faith and I always thought that I was a good Christian person, or at least I was starting to figure it out. I attended church with her a number of times and showed her the church that I attended very briefly before moving away from home. I made a lot of mistakes through this time and thought that partying and living the lifestyle that I had seen growing up and accepted for so long. It was finally enough for her when her parents demanded she stop seeing me. I started to become more in touch with my faith than I ever had been. I have truly turned my life around. I never thought I would quit drinking, smoking, partying and generally live a healthier life and start to live my life for god. I have been looking for a church to attend for about 2 months and have attended 4 or 5 different ones and nothing seems the same as the one that is nearly 300 miles away from me that I absolutely love attending. Overall, I feel much sorrow towards her knowing I caused her much pain, we talked about marriage, me adopting her daughter, and then I went and seem to have thrown it all away. I still talk to her on a very regular basis and have really realized that I wasn't being the good Christian man that I should have been and am going to great lengths to change that. It's not for her, it’s for me. I just want hope that she can love me the same again the way we once did. If anyone has any thoughts, I'd appreciate them. If you are going to tell me that I am a horrible person and don't deserve her... I'll read those comments to because that is the way that I feel most of the time. I've finally reached out for the lord and am reading and learning more and more every day. I am just very confused right now. I know this is God's intention. I do not know if we are 'meant' to be together or not but I feel that this was the Lords time to set me back and make me look at myself... and I finally went running to him. It's truly a great feeling. Thanks. I would ask my Christian Peers but I dont have many in the area I am living currently. p.s. Sorry for the novel!