First time poster seeking thoughts.

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by SeekingTheLord, Jan 8, 2008.

  1. SeekingTheLord

    SeekingTheLord
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    Hello all,

    This is my first post here. I have been reading here for multiple months and never had the nerve to post.

    For a little background.. I haven't lived the best life, Drinking, smoking, pre-marital sex... etc etc. Not raised in the best home, divorced alcoholic parents.

    My mother took us to church through youth and our early teens and I was saved at 14 years old and a few years later started living a very un-godly life.

    I never lost the belief of god, I never gave up praying.

    I met a girl a couple years ago, from a very Christian family whom had made some mistakes in her life. She is a single parent with a 2 year old daughter whom the father wants to claim no responsibility.

    I fell for her and her daughter and saw her for nearly 2 years. Through this time she asked me about my faith and I always thought that I was a good Christian person, or at least I was starting to figure it out.

    I attended church with her a number of times and showed her the church that I attended very briefly before moving away from home.

    I made a lot of mistakes through this time and thought that partying and living the lifestyle that I had seen growing up and accepted for so long. It was finally enough for her when her parents demanded she stop seeing me. I started to become more in touch with my faith than I ever had been.

    I have truly turned my life around. I never thought I would quit drinking, smoking, partying and generally live a healthier life and start to live my life for god. I have been looking for a church to attend for about 2 months and have attended 4 or 5 different ones and nothing seems the same as the one that is nearly 300 miles away from me that I absolutely love attending.

    Overall, I feel much sorrow towards her knowing I caused her much pain, we talked about marriage, me adopting her daughter, and then I went and seem to have thrown it all away.

    I still talk to her on a very regular basis and have really realized that I wasn't being the good Christian man that I should have been and am going to great lengths to change that. It's not for her, it’s for me. I just want hope that she can love me the same again the way we once did.


    If anyone has any thoughts, I'd appreciate them. If you are going to tell me that I am a horrible person and don't deserve her... I'll read those comments to because that is the way that I feel most of the time.

    I've finally reached out for the lord and am reading and learning more and more every day. I am just very confused right now. I know this is God's intention. I do not know if we are 'meant' to be together or not but I feel that this was the Lords time to set me back and make me look at myself... and I finally went running to him. It's truly a great feeling. Thanks.

    I would ask my Christian Peers but I dont have many in the area I am living currently.


    p.s. Sorry for the novel!
     
  2. Sopranette

    Sopranette
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    Well, welcome, Seeking! :wavey:

    I don't anyone here is going to call you a bad person. We've all made mistakes. Not one of us can claim otherwise. I'm so glad you never gave up on your faith! It sounds like you have truely made an effort to change and to live accordingly.
    If you are meant to be with this young lady, the Lord will make His wish clear on this subject. If not, then so be it. Don't despair about these things too much. God has a plan for each one of us.

    love,

    Sopranette
     
  3. annsni

    annsni
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    My advice to you is to continue to seek the Lord in your life. See if you can find a mentor/accountability partner who can assist you in your walk with the Lord.

    While this is going on, I'd go to the woman's parents and apologize to them for what you did to them and to their daughter. Tell them that you don't know what God has planned for you as far as their daughter but you do still have feelings for her but will abide by their wishes as far as that's concerned. But in the meantime, you are now seeking to live your life for God and not for yourself and that you'd appreciate their prayers for that. Honestly, that would show a tremendous amount of maturity to me as a parent and I would begin to see a young man in a different light. However, abide by what they say. If they say to not see their daughter ever again, do so. If God wills it to be different, He will change their hearts.

    For the young woman, I'd tell her your honest feelings up front but tell her that you need more time to find your way in God and to get firmly rooted in Him. You need more time to get yourself solid in your faith before you bring in the distraction of a woman.

    That's so wonderful that you've turned from what you were doing before and are seeking God. He's been there for you this whole time and it just goes to show that once you are His, you WILL come back. :) I'll be thinking of you and praying that God strengthens you into a mighty man of God who will make a difference in this world for Him. :praying:
     
  4. reformedbeliever

    reformedbeliever
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    I could not add a thing to this. I would emphasize this however; See if you can find a mentor/accountability partner who can assist you in your walk with the Lord.
    Find a church that can provide the above. This mentor should be a really great teacher, or be able to at least recommend and great teacher. Teachers are very important in this stage of your Christian development.
     
  5. Aaron

    Aaron
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    Let me be the first to affirm that you are indeed a miserable, undeserving wretch.


    But then, Jesus did not come to call the righteous, did He?


    It seems to me that you have the first prerequisite to being saved down pat, and that is recognizing the fact that you are a bad person.


    But the reason you do good works? Not for her, not for yourself, but because you feel the debt of love that you owe your Saviour, if He is indeed your Saviour. If you weren't doing good works before you met this girl, it is highly doubtful you would have started after marriage. In fact, the trials of marriage will prove what you really are made of. I'm glad that she had the wisdom to listen to her parents and not get tangled up with some confused individual who only began to realize how out of touch with God he really is when she broke up with him. You should be glad too.

    And so now I echo the advice that was given you above with one addition: forget about the girl. Break off all contact. Without her, or even the possibility that you may get together, would you still follow Jesus?
     
  6. SeekingTheLord

    SeekingTheLord
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    To answer your final question: Right now I feel that there isn't really the possibility for us getting back together from the feelings that I have right now and the feelings that she has right now. I want to become one with God and let him show me the path in which I am suppose to be following.

    At the same time, it does hurt and there are still feelings there on each side of the fence.

    I never said I didn't do any good works at the same time I wasn't living to the fullest extent of the Lord which makes it a sin either way.

    I just want to clarify that she is not the reason that I reached out. I started to better myself while we were still together and slipped a couple times. I finally realized that I was not the strong person that I thought I was living in the way in which I was.

    I am using this time to learn about Christ our savior and finally accepting the hand that has been there for me for so long, that I never reached out to grab.

    I feel that this is the time for each of us to get to know the Lord. It is finally time for each of us to change our lives and accept the path in which the lord sees fit for us. If it is with eachother, that is great. If it is not, that is great as well. For, we both learned a lot from eachother and came out knowing more because of the situations that we were put in to and the lessons learned because of them.

    I thank you all for the advice and insight and wish the best for each and every one of you.
     
  7. 2serve

    2serve
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    Dear Christian Brother,
    If you have recieved Christ as your savior as you said then there would be very little advice that you could recieve, better than that which was posted by the Brother above. However I would like to add to what he said by giving you specifics, do what he siad and get you a GOOD accountability partner, Read,Read,Read,Read, Read, THE BIBLE. Pray (and trust The Lord ) I can promise you that he will never let you down, NEVER. find you a good church and be there every time they open the door. If you will allow God to have his way he will consume your life and you will never find that fulfillment anywhere else. Also remember that though we are all sinners The Bible says that when you got saved you became the Righteousness of christ, Every good gift and every perfect gift cometh from the Father of lights in whom there is no variableness neither shadow of turning, he also said that he gave you all things richly to enjoy. Go to her parents like the brother said and follow their direction as long as it agrees with the Bible and I promise that God will honor your faithfulness and if he doesn't put you back together then he has someone else for you and you will not regret his decision. I send this your way already having prayed for you.
     
  8. skypair

    skypair
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    Seeking,

    HALLELUJIAH! and welcome! :godisgood:

    You've got lots of company regarding your earlier walk. We're ALL 'children,' nay, 'babies' when we start out!

    My son just made me SO proud recently. He got a permanent teaching position at the Florence Art Academy in Florence Italy. And that is what God is looking for from you --- watch for opportunities cause now that you are "home" (like the "prodigal son," Luke 15:11-32. Read it right now) I believe God is going to take you back with a HUGE hug, lay your brother's robe on you and show you things that you could not have imagined for your life!

    We will pray for you and, having been there before, have confidence in our Great God to bless you as nothing we could tell you would!

    skypair
     
  9. twomontes

    twomontes
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    Welcome to our home away from home.I once had a drug problem myself,my Mama drug me from Church to Church Ha Ha. Seriously though,I also was exposed to Christ at a young age and drifted as i grew up.I did so many thinks I am ashamed of but God was always right behind me waiting for me to turn back.
    You are back on the narrow path now,all you have to do is accept what God places before you.Remember when He closes one door He opens another and
    wonderful things happen when you follow God's will for your life.We are praying for you Brother :godisgood:
     
  10. Brother Randall

    Brother Randall
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    SeekingTheLord,

    Welcome! :wavey:

    I echo the advice given already. I'll add/emphasize: ensure you have a daily quiet time for prayer and reading God's Word. Find yourself a church that preaches the Word of God (all of it) and not the prosperity or best life now stuff.

    Yes, God does have a plan for us. He will use circumstances to shape us. Might be difficult at times (prayer and bible reading will help you through), but you will emerge a better person. Also, the enemy is not happy about your decision for Christ. Read up in Ephesians (6:11-17) about the armor of God; you'll need it.

    Brother R
     
  11. queenbee

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    What excellent and compassionate advice Ann! I second this as well. :thumbs: :thumbs:
     

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