Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by superwoman8977, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2008
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have had very few patients this morning so I have been doing some serious time in the word on this subject. I had it told to me a few days ago that to forgive my husband would mean to open that door to reconciliation. Well I took that to the word and heres the scriptures I found on forgiveness:

    Psalm 51:2--"Wash me thoroughly and repeatedly from my iniquities and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin."

    Psalm 51:10--"Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right preserving and steadfast spirit within me."

    2nd Chronicles 7:14--"If My people who are called by My name shall humble themselves and pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin and heal their land."

    1st John 1:9--"If we admit freely that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought and action.)


    When I went to study for verses on reconciliation there werent any except for ones for man to return (reconcile ) to the Lord. So the more I studied this this morning the more I realized that forgiveness is the key but is not necessarily the key to reconcilation but the key to God. I dont want to reconcile with my husband my life with him in it has ended but there are no hard feelings, because I reconciled the time my husband robbed from me, back to the Lord. And in turn all the hurt and pain my husband has caused me has been soothed over because the Lord is directing my paths as to where to go next.

    That doesnt mean Satan (or stan as my 5 yr old calls him) isnt going to rear his ugly head. There are going to be days where I let anger and jealousy of the situation get the better of me, life isnt all smooth sailing like he says in 1st Peter that satan is prowling like an angry lion seeking whom he may devour.

    The more I get into the word the more I see where God puts these "roadblocks" so to speak in our lives and where by clinging onto His garment we will get through them, although most of the time unscathed but with a deeper love and closeness in the Lord.
     
  2. Jon-Marc

    Jon-Marc
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    It took me years to get over the bitterness and anger of my wife cheating on me. It's not an easy road to learning to forgive. As for reconciliation, that's not always possible. My wife eventually told me, "I won't change." That was when I gave up. Years later, she asked, "Would you ever marry me again?" My answer, of course, was "No." She told me she would never change. How could I ever trust her again?
     
  3. ReformedBaptist

    ReformedBaptist
    Expand Collapse
    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    4,894
    Likes Received:
    27
    If your wife was broken over her transgression, showed genuine repentance and remorse, sought your and God's forgiveness, and asked to be accepted again, although it would be a long, hard road to trust again...would you have done it?
     
  4. donnA

    donnA
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Mat. 5:23-24
    23Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

    Hosea 1:
    2When the LORD began to speak by Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea:
    "Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry
    3: 1-3
    1Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover£ and is committing adultery, just like the love of the LORD for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans."
    2So I bought her for myself for fifteen shekels of silver, and one and one-half homers of barley. 3And I said to her, "You shall stay with me many days; you shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man—so, too, will I be toward you."

    Reconciliation is taught all over the bible, Jacob and Esau, Hosea and Gomer, Joseph to Mary, us to God. And according to Hosea reconciliation is a picture of God reconciling us to Him.
     
  5. Palatka51

    Palatka51
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,724
    Likes Received:
    0
    [​IMG] Very good post DonnA, may God bless this. :applause:
     
  6. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2008
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Right! And thats my point in order for us to have true reconciliation in our hearts we must reconcile to Him. There isnt anything in the word stating we have to reconcile with someone we just have to forgive them. Forgiveness is the 1st step, the key step.
     
  7. donnA

    donnA
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    We are reconciled to Him, when we are saved. The scriptures give us examples of reconciliation between people, reconciliation is a Godly/ Christ like virtue. It is clear in scripture it is what God desires for us. According to Matt. 5 if we negelect it we do not offer anything to God that is acceptable to Him.
     
  8. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2008
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    0
    That wasnt where I was going with this. Where I was going was that the unforgiveness builds up walls between us and the Father among other things. We have to as followers of Christ forgive the person that wronged us and then we (thats the power of free choice) make the decision to reconcile with that person and if we choose to not then thats where we need to reconcile our lives back to the Lord. That was what I was getting at. I read Matthew 5 and its not saying we have to reconcile to that person here let me post this:

    23 "So if you are presenting a sacrifice* at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you,24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
    25 "When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.26 And if that happens, you surely won't be free again until you have paid the last penny.*


    Okay and in verse 24 reconciled takes on a whole new meaning. Because when you go on to verse 25 he tells us to settle our differences which means forgive the person quickly otherwise the resentment and bitterness will continue to build and eventually consume you. Going back to Verse 24 he tells us to be reconciled to that person when a better word would have been forgiven, because it is true that once you have forgiven that person that the walls can come down and you can regain your footing in the Lord, there is nothing more blocking you. I have forgiven my husband. I have forgiven the girl in High School who cheated on my test so she could get a better grade. I have corrected the resentment and anger and disappointment. Is there reconciliation? No...actually after I accepted her apology and forgave her I never saw the girl again. As with my husband I have forgiven him but will we be together as a couple again? No. Do I have walls up in my heart against God for what has happened in my life? No actually i dont after spending a long time in the word today and last night me and the Lord are back on the same wavelength.
     
  9. nunatak

    nunatak
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    0
    Christ died to reconcile us to God by being the propitiation for our sins. We are reconciled by grace through faith.

    I don't know anywhere in scripture that Christ's death was to reconcile us to each other.
     
  10. donnA

    donnA
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Never said it was.
     
  11. nunatak

    nunatak
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    0
    never said you did
     
  12. Bible-boy

    Bible-boy
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    4,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dear suerwoman,

    I think you are missing something here. You have repeatedly posted that you do not want to reconcile with your husband. This reveals unwillingness on your part to be an agent of reconciliation in this situation. Christ gave his life to reconcile us to Himself, His word also commands us to reconcile with one another, and you made marriage vows that bind you to your husband. Jesus said, "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one" (Matt. 5:37, NKJV). Notice, Jesus did not say let your Yes be Yes so long as the other party upholds their end of the agreement. Thinking along such lines is from the devil according to the Bible.

    What you need to understand about reconciliation is that you alone can not bring it about. In order for reconciliation of your marriage to take place both you and your husband would have to be willing to reconcile and then both of you would have to rely on the power of the Holy Sprit to make it happen. In order for your marriage to be reconciled your husband would have to come to you broken and repentant (before the Lord) asking first for forgiveness and then to reconcile. Then the burden would be on you to forgive and reconcile. As I said previously, forgiveness does not equal trust (on a 1:1 basis). Your husband will have to demonstrate by his actions that he is indeed trustworthy. This will take time, hard work from both of you, and healing by the power of the Holy Spirit. In order for any of this to happen it must begin with your husband repenting of his sin and turning from the life he is now living. All you have to do is be willing to forgive and reconcile should the Lord cause your husband to repent and seek forgiveness and reconciliation.

    This is where the process of church discipline (Matt. 18:15-20) will help you most. It will either bring about repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation or it will expose your husband as an unbeliever. If he refuses to repent then he will be put out of the church and treated as an unbeliever. This will free you from him as the Bible says in 1 Cor. 7:15. "If the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace" (1 Cor. 7:15, NKJV). The goal should never be to have your husband declared an unbeliever. The goal is repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. However, if your husband is determined to reject Christ, the church, you and your son in favor of his life of sin the end result is your freedom from him.
     
    #12 Bible-boy, Jun 25, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2008
  13. pinoybaptist

    pinoybaptist
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    8,123
    Likes Received:
    1
    okay, folks, the bottom line is this:

    the lady doesn't want to reconcile with her ex-husband. period.

    she is willing to forgive, but reconciliation (remarriage to the same man, living together again with him, sharing the marriage bed again with him) is out of the question.

    fine.

    it ain't okay, but if that's how she sees things, then there ain't much we can do 'bout it.

    i can certainly understand where she's coming from.
    my sister's husband works in Saudi. to get a better treatment and better chances at his job, he converted to Islam. of course, that opened up the gates of temptation for him.
    as a muslim, he may marry up to 5 wives according to his financial capacity.
    he is far away from home, young, virile, and lonely.
    so he married a woman, also from our country, who had also converted to Islam. Never told us or my sister, who found out about it two years after the fact, when he already had a child by the woman.

    big fight. big issue. the guy got beat up on by my two brothers.

    being married to my sister, with four kids (they married in their teens), he tried hard to reconcile with her.

    my sister would not because she says she will cringe at his touch and his kisses thinking those same lips kissed other woman, and she loathes at the thought of you-know-what because (best leave this out).

    it'll take the Holy Spirit to overcome these reasons.

    in His own good time.
     
  14. Bible-boy

    Bible-boy
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    4,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    Except give her good solid compassionate biblical counsel when she askes for it or brouches the subject.

    All these facts may well be true (and I believe they are becuase you say so). However, the most important thing you have said here is the last two sentences. All things are possible with God and He will give us the strength to see it through (Phil. 4:13).
     
    #14 Bible-boy, Jun 25, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2008
  15. LadyEagle

    LadyEagle
    Expand Collapse
    <b>Moderator</b> <img src =/israel.gif>
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    Messages:
    22,028
    Likes Received:
    1
    So to all the men out there who believe the faithful Christian woman should always take back the erring, cheating, whoremongering husband--- is there seriously any man out there (if the situation was reversed) who would want to touch his wife again knowing she had "been with" another man or several other men for that matter?

    Can we get real, please? :rolleyes:
     
  16. Joe

    Joe
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2006
    Messages:
    2,521
    Likes Received:
    0
    One man probably, after that it's too out of control. But you never know, depends upon what the Lord revealed.
    It would also depend upon how much, if any, lying to my face occured. Can't trust a liar....that would be the biggest problem.
     
    #16 Joe, Jun 25, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2008
  17. Allan

    Allan
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2006
    Messages:
    6,888
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, they should and many godly men have done such just as many godly women have. Funny thing is.. even the 'ungodly' or 'unsaved' have done it as well.

    So it is as real as it can be.
     
  18. donnA

    donnA
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2000
    Messages:
    23,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hosea

    ........
     
  19. Thinkingstuff

    Thinkingstuff
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2008
    Messages:
    8,169
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes christianity is difficult and I'm sure Hosea didn't want to take his wife back after she protestuted herself out again and again and again. Her children not his but he was to love them all. And Forgive....
    Imagine what he had to deal disease ect...
    But I still stick with my first thought. Some people should never gotten married to begin with and other people who are abusers ect... should never get married. Unfortunately, they do and then the hard work begins. God is forgiving and will forgive divorse but I don't think we should be presumptous on his grace. Following Jesus is hard not easy. Women who have married abusers should stay away from them. The question is should they remarry?
     
  20. pinoybaptist

    pinoybaptist
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    8,123
    Likes Received:
    1
    until there are no more men who are able to take back their wives despite their infidelities, there is no "getting real", and I am sure there are people on this board who know of men who have done so.

    there are reasons why a spouse should reconcile with the erring spouse, and he or she does not necessarily have to be a Christian or a believer.

    # 1. the children - this may sound corny to a lot of people in this "mine, me, my, I and number one" society and culture. the children have nothing to do at all with these problems and issues. their sense of belonging and security is shattered by having parents separate, one of whom they see only on certain days, and whose availability is at the whim of the offended spouse or of the court. Visitation rights may be cancelled because the offended party may think the offending party has violated certain terms.
    Or we have seen cases of parental abduction, where one parent runs off with the child or the children.

    There are many on this board who will be offended at the thought of a homosexual couple adopting children. Why ? think of the reasons. some or all of those reasons may be applicable to children of divorced parents.

    if divorce is something that has to happen, then I think the decent thing to do would be to avoid remarriage, Bible or no Bible.


    #2. what happened to the offending party can also happen to the offended party. both are humans. both are fallen creatures.

    From the point of view of an unsaved individual the pros of divorce and remarriage may be more than the cons, but we don't really know that.

    I am not saying that those on this board who have divorced and remarried are unsaved. I am not the judge of that. the Lord is, because only He knows those that are truly His, by His choice, and not by the professor's conduct.

    However, given the daily bombardment of screwed up values on tv, print, and broadcast, Christians can be influenced and the principles by which the Lord want them to live by put in the backburner, or corrupted.

    The "real" world is the Lord's world.

    That is why I don't sing "This is My Father's World" because this is not my Father's world.
     

Share This Page

Loading...