Games for older people

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by SaggyWoman, Oct 3, 2008.

  1. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman
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    GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER


    1. Sag, you're It.
    2. Hide and go pee.
    3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
    4. Kick the bucket
    5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
    6. Musical recliners.
    7. Simon says something incoherent.
    8. Pin the Toupee on the bald Guy
    SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE =


    1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
    2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
    3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
    OLD IS WHEN:


    1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
    2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
    3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
    4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
    5. An all-nighter means not getting up to Pee!


    Thoughts for the weekend:


    Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
    If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
    Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
    Ponderisms


    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that Most people die of natural causes.
    Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to Buy a replacement.
    Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now The world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it Takes a whole box to start a campfire?
    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
     
  2. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob
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    A is for apple, and B is for boat,
    That used to be right, but now it won’t float!

    Age before beauty is what we once said,
    But let’s be a bit more realistic instead. . .

    Now, A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back,
    C’s the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

    D is for dental decay and decline,
    E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!

    F is for fissures and fluid retention,
    G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

    H is high blood pressure - I’d rather it low;
    I is for incisions with scars you can show.

    J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
    K is for knees that crack when they bend.

    L is for libido, what happened to sex?
    M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

    N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
    O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!

    P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
    Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!

    Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
    R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

    S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
    T is for Tinnitus; there are bells in my ears!

    U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
    V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.

    W is for worry, NOW what’s going ’round?
    X is for X-ray, and what might be found.

    Y is another year I’m left here behind,
    Z is for zest that I still have in my mind.

    I’ve survived all the symptoms; my body’s deployed.
    And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
     
  3. Plain Old Bill

    Plain Old Bill
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    This is the best place to come for grins. Thanks.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  4. Benjamin

    Benjamin
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    Pretty funny, but you guys are scaring me with these visions! :eek:
     
  5. LeBuick

    LeBuick
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    I see said the blind man...
     
  6. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman
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    ..... to the deaf dog as the lame mute walked by.
     

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