Girl Dating Problem!

Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by McGahhey, Sep 6, 2001.

  1. McGahhey

    McGahhey
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    O.K. heres the problem.
    I am a nice guy and very blind when it comes to girls liking me. Right now I am not ready for a relationship, I need to grow and let God lead me as to where to go in my life.
    This problem has happened a few times but this last time really blew up in my face. This girl has had some problems w/ her family. One day she came over to talk w/ my mom, but my mom wasnt home so we talked on the porch. We have been friends for a long time. Some how she had got the impression that I liked her(which is kinda wierd because I am not the flirt-tatious type at all). Now she has asked her parents and myne if it is OK to date each other, unfortunatly they both have said yes and put me in a pretty binding situation. I have told her that I am not ready to date and just want to be friends. I have told her this repeatly but I can tell that she still likes me that way.
    I am a strong believer that two people should not date untill ready to get married. She knows this and still gets really mad when I even talk to other girls.
    I do have to giver her the fact that she is really pretty and is kinda of temping to say sure, but I know that would be purly lust and that is no basis for any relationship.
    I dont even think that I am that attractive of a guy! I know this may sound a little open and self indulgent, but I really need some advice an this. Especially from Girls, There is nothing more that I HATE is when guys take advantage of girls and I dont want to come across as some jerk.

    untill next post, jim
     
  2. Grace

    Grace
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    It's Awesome to hear a guy taking to stand you are. I agree with a lot of what you said about people dating before getting married, and I praise God that you have the "guts" to make a stand. Don't let her pressure you. If you can't make her understand that you don't want to date, then, that's her problem. Doesn't it take three people to make a relationship anyway? GOD, a guy (who should be the initiator when he knows that it is from God), and a girl (who should wait for her guy to make the first move). Just because I say that the girl shouldn't be the initiator, doesn't mean it's always easy. There is a guy that I kind of like right now. He is really great, but I'm just observing different qualities that I see in him to see if he measures up to the standards that I have set (so far he's doing pretty well). I have decided that no matter how much I like him, if anything happens between us to move us toward pursuing a relationship, he will be the one to make the first move.
     
  3. McGahhey

    McGahhey
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    hey Grace,
    thx for the encouragement! I see a lot of people talking about how great it would be for that to be true, the whole right way to date. I some times find myself thinking that I had better find a girl fast befor I let a really good one get by. I think that is what a lot of people feel and how they get trapped into thinking like the world.
    But I need to remind myself that that isnt trusting God, which for my personality, I tend to do that.

    untill next post.....Jim
     
  4. UnashamedYouth

    UnashamedYouth
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    I don't think I'll ever find myself in a situation like that. :rolleyes: not only because I'm a girl, but because I don't date. (which really makes my friends at school get mad, because some of the guys I know want me to go to my Junior Prom and dad said "no")

    My church, and I for that matter, believes that dating symbolizes divorce more than anything. "I think it's time to move on, I'm dumping you for that hot football player/cheerleader" "Our relationship has stalled, here's the divorce papers, I get the house."

    Now, when it comes time that I leave the nest and go to college and there's a guy that seems to be teh one that God has chosen, and this guy feels the same about me... well... then that's where courtship comes in. No one on one dates. Go in groups... only after daddy's approved LOL...

    it really helps when a guy tries to ask me out. "Sorry, I don't date."

    "I bet I can change your mind"

    "I bet you can't change my dad's" ;)
     
  5. SaggyWoman

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    Let me encourage you to read Elizabeth Eliott's books, Passion and Purity, then after that, Quest for Love.

    They are both very good on this very subject!!
     
  6. Brother Adam

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    I know you dont want to hear from guys, i'm going to to throw my two cents in anyway ;)

    I think its awesome you have taken the stance you have on dating. I would say stay strong in telling this girl that you aren't ready to start a relationship yet. I know about getting involved in relationships too quick and it can be devestating to a friendship, so if you value and respect her, say NO! And tell her that too- You value your friendship with her too much to date her.

    Right now I am in the stages of my life where I am ready to start considering courting (i'm a sophmore in college) and if you would like to read some of what I am considering when it comes to these types of things read the "courtship" thread under general discussions.

    Until Next Post, Adam
     
  7. Becky Petersen

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    I think the girls has overstepped her bounds of propriety (I'm a married woman writing this). She shouldn't be pursuing you--if you "followed" her to marriage, I doubt that you could ever get her to follow you in a marital relationship. We are currently in Poland, and many, many of the women run the marriages and homes--the men just sit around doing what their women tell them to. It is all mixed up, at least, biblically, and needless to say, the homes aren't happy--not even a little bit.

    Explain to her kindly that you aren't dating anyone right now and that if you talk to 10 girls in one day, that is your priviledge and if she can't abide by that, to stay off your porch! [​IMG] Be kind, though, so you have nothing to apologize for.

    Congratulations on your high standards. In many areas of the world, they seem to be missing these days. In these days of low physical purity standards, esp. it is prudent to hold to extra high standards of behavior. If you keep your emotions in check until you are able to date "seriously", you are an intelligent young man.
     
  8. Aaron

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    Run, boy. Run!!
     
  9. Jeep Brain

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    About your comment about you not being good lookin... Don't think like that, What you think is ugly about yourself is beautiful to a future Mrs McGahhey. Dating is fine if your young, and on the otherside of the coin its fine to start when your older. It wasn't till after high school when I went on my first date. And i've been travelling and schooling after all that, and haven't been on a date since (4 years). Stick with your beliefs as well, as a firm believer in my beliefs I have been tested and have not lost faith and am rewarded everyday I wake up by Gods love. Keep up the good fight bro this a great part of your life and live the most of it while you still have a chance. Peace - Mike
     
  10. Nickleus

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    Date a lot, cause you wanna know what you are looking for in a wife when you finally settle down. Females are wierd, you need to find out more about them. YOu dont have to go and "court" her. But for goodness sakes, if a pretty girl you know asks you to go on a date with her. By all means, go boy go for it! However, if you just dont' like ehr, thats a whole different story. Jesus never said, 'thou shalt not date'
     
  11. SaggyWoman

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    I am not sure if "dating alot" will help you find what you want in a wife if you don't have half a clue about what you (and God) wants for you.
     
  12. Sularis

    Sularis
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    Ok heres my 5 or 6 cents

    Good for you, but be careful, sometimes when you say no God in His infinite sense of humour will say yes. I said no to missions - Ive ended up doing over a years worth.

    Date - but explain to your parents your goal of dating. and if possible explain to her and her parents.

    Dating is good - but dating must be held within one of the 2 following confines

    Date as friends - Not expecting or striving to achieve marital status. Both sides have to acknowledge this

    OR

    Date to marry - strive to achieve marital status

    Problem is everyone thinks Dating is solely the second aspect it isnt. Yes the youth of yesteryear and today, have lousy sense of self-control -

    Date as friends a lot - No exclusivity at ALL
    If you get a kiss in on the dates you switched to the wrong track. Maybe a hug at most but thats walking a knife's edge

    This will help you to understand what you like in the opposite sex - and eventually when you either got a steady job, or God does the EXCEPTION TO THE RULE and tells you that one, you will have experience in building the bonds of friendship.

    Women saying ok God Im going to wait for you to go get me a man to marry; is one of the most obscene, unbiblical doctrines that I can think of. Perhaps in Poland things are messed up for other reasons, but I have seen contemparies of mine hunt down their man and nail his feet to the chapel floor, and the guys are so relieved and happy. Ooops and people older and younger then me as well.

    Women do you have any idea how hard it is for us guys to get any clues unless yer obvious!?!

    Here's the scary piece of advice: Talk to your parents, explain your feelings. Sometimes parents will even help you once they understand.

    However, remember people percieve you in different ways so talking to multiple girls may be percieved a certain way.

    Heck besides Im willing to lay odds Im uglier then you since most females wont even talk to me face to face. Remember if women talk to you, you aint ugly.

    I wasnt even invited to a wedding of one my old schoolmates and she attended my old church with me. So trust me you aint ugly.
    (And to forestall any discussion on looks which I dont wish to go into; my older brother was)
     
  13. livin'intheword

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    After much thought and prayer, this is all I could think to say about "finding the right woman".

    God Bless,
    Paula

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Proverbs 31:10-31

    10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

    11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

    12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

    13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

    14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar

    15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

    16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

    17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

    18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

    19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

    20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

    21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

    22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

    23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

    24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

    25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

    26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

    27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

    28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

    29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

    30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

    31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
     
  14. Brian Collins

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    Jim,

    After being in similar situations before, my experience is that you will be best served by calmly walking away from this situation. If she doesn't like it, you've lost nothing.

    --B C
     
  15. AdoptedDaughter

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    Hi McGahhey,
    My name is Teresa and I have seen too many of my peers fall into the dating situation just for looks. I admire your love for God and the concern about your frinedship. Continue to tell her that you'renot ready and that if she continues on that you may need to look at the amount of time you spend with her and even cut it down.

    A lot of girls will think that a guy likes them simplybecause the guy is paying attention to them and spending time with them.

    I have a problem at work where I get mixed singnals from my manager. What I may see as flirting, he may see as just being normal.

    I have had to cut down a lot of what I say because I led a guy into thinking that I liked him and that I might want to date him.
    What I said was, " Look at so-and-so! Isn't he, like, So HOT?!"
    This was said with a lot of sarcasm, but he evidently didn't catch the sarcasm.


    My advice?
    1. Spend time in prayer and in the Scripture.
    2. When she's around, have at least one other person with you.
    3. Explain, maybe in greater detail, where you stand.
    4. And most importantly, never everlet you gard down.

    As a little side note, in flyfree432's post he mentioned that at the time he was considering a courtship with someone.
    That someone is me. We are courting and also in his post he said, <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I know about getting involved in relationships too quick and it can be devestating to a friendship, so if you value and respect her, say NO!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    I was in that situation. God worked through both of our lives, and we have become better friends, we would be even closer if it weren't for the first time we dated.

    In Christ's gracious love,
    Teresa
     
  16. ChelleBell

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    I think you need to talk with your parents about your beliefs on dating. And they shouldn't give any girl permission to date you, you should be the one who ask your parents and the girls parents permission to date her. Keep a hedge about you. The devil can put many temptations before you and she may be one of them. I agree with the person who said to never be alone with her. You were very smart staying on the porch with her.
     

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