Hand Shaking Ministers

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by drfuss, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. drfuss

    drfuss
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    It happened again this morning. Three of us men were having a friendly, interesting discussion in the church lobby between services. We were standing about two or three feet apart during our discussion. Suddenly one of the ministers inserts himself between us and shakes hands with each of us having a shot comment for each of us. Then the minister hurriedly moves on. After the rude interruption, we continued our discussion.

    Over the years, I have seen a number of ministers who practice interrupting conversations; and I have seen other ministers who are more considerate and polite, and refrain from such interruptions.

    I am interested in both the ministers and laymen perspective on this.
     
  2. drfuss

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    OF course the title should be "Hand Shaking Ministers". I couldn't edit the title. Sorry about that.

    drfuss
     
  3. Amy.G

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    I think it's rude to interrupt conversations no matter who you are.
     
  4. mcdirector

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    Me too Amy.

    The other side of this coin is that there are ministers who rarely shake anyone's hand and can't seem to say hello to anyone. There does seem the need for a happy medium in here somewhere doesn't there?
     
  5. Karen

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    On the other hand, give him the benefit of the doubt. At least he acknowledged you. Lots of people I know would be far more offended if he had not stopped to shake hands.

    Besides, 2 - 3 feet away from each other doesn't necessarily give the body language of a close, intimate, not-to-be-interrupted conversation.
    Entirely possible he looked at one of you in a lull in the conversation and thought you were not talking to the other two. I know my hearing and eyesight is not what it used to be. Hard to get all those cues sometimes about what is going on.

    I tend to err on the side of speaking to everybody. Look at the other current threads that reference in some manner how hard it is for some people to feel like they fit in.
    I don't think you want to give off the attitude that you are talking in a little clique that can't be interrupted. Did people go by you that were lonely that day and looked at you, wishing they could join in?
     
    #5 Karen, Dec 9, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2007
  6. Alex Quackenbush

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    Ya wanna know what I would do? I would have told the "Pastor" "Excuse me, we are in the middle of a conversation and will be finished shortly". And looked him in the eye to let him know he should have learned such simple social skills in Jr. High School. That would have been a needed rebuff without the embarrassment of a direct confrontation.
     
  7. Karen

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    Q, I think I disagree. Your approach sounds like a direct confrontation to me.
     
  8. TCGreek

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    Is it ok for the minister to say hello and go on his way?
     
  9. Brother Bob

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    The Pastor probably thought you might be talking about someone and he inserted himself to stop it, so you could continue on inside, shaking hands with the rest of the congregation.........:)
     
  10. Alex Quackenbush

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    A direct confrontation would be "You are interrupting us and you should know better".

    A rebuff without direct confrontation is Excuse me, we are in the middle of a conversation and will be finished shortly.

    One focuses (the direct confrontation) on the inappropriate behavior of the rude Minister.

    The other (the indirect rebuff) focuses on the already ongoing activity of the group and is preceded with an "Excuse me".

    The distinction seems rather obvious.
     
  11. Alex Quackenbush

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    Well regardless of what the Pastor thought, a private conversation between two people not involving the Pastor is NONE OF THE PASTOR'S business and certainly not his to interrupt or try and judge its content.
     
  12. skypair

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    Foks...

    Don't you think church is for fellowship? Let's not be so picky. Remember, you hired him to "pastor" or "minister" where he felt needed. The worst report I've heard on a pastor/minister is that he (or in this case, she) didn't visit my dying father-in-law when there was really no excuse for not doing so.

    Try to have mercy as God has been merciful to you.

    skypair
     
  13. John of Japan

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    Personally, as a pastor I don't usually shake hands with our folk. I simply bow! [​IMG] :smilewinkgrin:

    Of course I don't bow my head into a conversation I'm not a part of--it's just not done, and the Japanese may be the politest people on the planet. Of course these young people are different. How do you insert Japanese politeness into a cell phone society? :confused:
     
  14. Brother Bob

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    I could not name the times I have shook hands with a small group as I am entering or exiting the church. I would think the Pastor was just showing love, and had no idea that someone thought it was rude. I doubt he was trying to listen to your conversation, just making you welcome to the church.

    BBob,
     
  15. Alex Quackenbush

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    Well Bob, play dumb if you will but here is what you said:

    So you don't think the "Pastor is just showing love" but by your own words you said "The Pastor probably thought you might be talking about someone and he inserted himself to stop it" and again to that I again respond:

    As for the rest of your post, it isn't SHAKING HANDS anyone is claiming is RUDE but interrupting an ongoing private conversation. Got it? Good. So stop with the playing dumb act. It is RUDE and a 5 year old knows better than to INTERRUPT a private conversation unless there is an IMMEDIATE and NECESSARY concern. Otherwise grown adults, particularly Christian adults, don't rudely interrupt people. They use manners and wait until an appropriate opening occurs.
     
  16. Dr. Bob

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    You come to church, expect the pastor to say Hey and shake hands. Briefly interrupt your conversation, but you'll get over it (and continue on after he is passed by). He has a LOT of people to see, and can't wait around until your fish story is over.

    Be thankful he WANTS to shake hands. Many are too busy to dain shake hands with common folk . .
     
  17. Brother Bob

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    Alex;
    I was kidding on the first post. I never thought you would take it seriously.
    With this response from you here, I can see why you would not like anyone shaking hands with you while you are with your friends, inside of a church, discussing whatever. I really thought people went to church to worship, not gossip. You seem to have a problem with looking down on your Pastor, seems to me. If this Pastor is so rude that it disturbs you, then go somewhere else is my advice.


    BBob, :thumbs:
     
  18. drfuss

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    drfuss: These responses to the OP are interesting.

    Before retiring, I was the head of an organization of about 60 scientist, engineers, technicians and clerical staff. Of course a good supervisor is friendly to all. When I needed to talk to someone that was currently involved in a group discussion, I stood a short distance away until they stopped and asked if I wanted something.

    The reason I never interrupted was I had seen too many ministers intrude on a discussion and knew how some in the discussion thought it was rude. This is not to say that the intruding ministers thought they were being rude, they just did not realize how they came across to some people.

    On the other hand, those who think they have the right to intrude on other's conversions, imply to some that they have a feeling of superiority.
     
    #18 drfuss, Dec 9, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2007
  19. Alex Quackenbush

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    Lesson: For me, Bob is not skilled at tongue in cheek comments.

    Bob, I never said I didn't like anyone shaking my hand while I am talking to others, I said I don't like being rudely interrupted and I will offer an indirect rebuff. Get the details correct.

    Secondly, talking privately isn't gossip since YOU nor I know what anyone is saying. But JUDGING that they are gossiping IS A SIN so Bob, maybe you need to quit doing that.

    Thirdly, a Pastor who is so ignorant that general manners aren't part of his life, I doubt he has the capacity to learn enough doctrine to be a sufficient teacher. However, I don't consider such a simple act of rudeness of that one occasion to be determinative of a Pastor's fitness and if the Pastor has the maturity to recognize his error in the rebuff and correct himself, well then that is a mark of maturity.

    I look down on RUDENESS and not on Pastors unless they are misguiding sheep.
     
  20. LeBuick

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    I agree with the Ministers here, not too long ago I was on the other side of this discussion where some members accused me of being anti social toward them. They like the OP were always talking when I went by and not wanting to interrupt I would wave, speak and keep going.

    I guess there's just no pleasing Church folks... Whether you do or don't somebody will be mad.
     

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