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Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by UnashamedYouth, May 22, 2003.

  1. UnashamedYouth

    UnashamedYouth
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    a friend of mine, he's 17, is having "sexuality" issues. Before today he's always been sure that he's straight... but today he blew me out of the water by saying he "wasn't sure." THis is so weird... he knows I'm a christian and that I don't believe that homosexuality, and bisexuality are right... but he felt that I was the one that could help him most. He said he believes that it's something GOD--before now he's never really made a mention about God one way or the other--MIGHT have done to him. That he was "made" to be gay or even bi. He's not sure. I wasn't sure where to go, only that I maybe didn't agree with this new found theology but I was certainly more than willing to listen to his thoughts as a friend. He then got upset and said we'd talk later.

    I really don't know how to handle this... he's not a Christian, his parents are but believe that their children should make their own decisions about church. He won't talk to them because he's afriad they'll shun him... he's not sure but he's trying to argue that he is... it's confusing me and now I can't get ahold of him at all...

    what should I do... I've been praying non-stop but I still feel helpless.
     
  2. Sherrie

    Sherrie
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    Go to your youth leader or your Pastor and get all his advice on how to talk to your friend. Do not hesitate. This is a very vulnerable time, and no time to waste being embarrassed about talking about it.

    I am wondering if someone has not approached him and this is where he is wanting to experience, is coming from. Also see who has suddenly showed up around him, work or school, or neighbors. I will pray for him and for you!

    But do not hesitate to talk to your Pastor or your Youth leader. They are trained for this.

    Sherrie
     
  3. UnashamedYouth

    UnashamedYouth
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    my dad IS my youth pastor... and my pastor is out of town...

    not only that but dad tackles a lot of things Biblically and a lot like I do... Joe just won't listen if I bring it from that angle... I tried it today and look where it got me :(
     
  4. Sherrie

    Sherrie
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    You have to stress in away that will not push him away it is wrong. I do believe if it is just now he is questioning how he feels, someone older, experienced, and is moving slow on him, is influencing him. I tell you, see who is new in his life. He might have already experienced something, to even want to speak out. Perhaps even molested, or raped, or touched.

    You will nedd help on this. Take thisout with your dad. Without being gunho on giving all the scripture, you are going to have to meet him in todays world. If i were you, I would trust my dad to help!

    Sherrie
     
  5. Gina B

    Gina B
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    It sounds like you're being his friend, and that's the best thing you can do. You're listening to him, but listening doesn't mean you have to agree.
    But.. be sure of what you're disagreeing with. It doesn't sound like he's said anything to disagree with yet. He's simply telling you how he feels. How did that get into a discussion of "his theology"?
    Gina
     
  6. UnashamedYouth

    UnashamedYouth
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    we got into that because he asked why I thought it was wrong because God's the one who creates us and he believes that some are born with a gene that makes them bi, homosexual, or hedero...

    he did say that there's a guy his age that is "interested" in him... and that got him thinking...

    the thing is... I'm afraid of what could happen if I did talk to my dad... dad will want to talk with him... and I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
     
  7. Sherrie

    Sherrie
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    OK! I knew it! He is being pressured by this guy hard. All gays recruit. And this is what is going on! You are not born gay...you are recruited.

    This is serious. It is not something that is going to pass. The one who is recruiting, is going to put more and more pressure on your friend.

    You must reassure your friend, that you are his friend, and not push him farther into this, but at the same time you have to to do something.

    If your father is not able to help you, then you should call another baptist Pastor in your area, and explain the situation, and see if they cannot offer advice.

    Something you might try...become more active with your friend. hang around more, go to movies together, see a sports game...doing things will keep him side tracked from the new friend. For awhile. Be councilors at a church camp too. Also talk to the new friend. Ask him as a friend to leave your friend alone. Chances are he won't.

    Explain to your father it was in confidence. Ask your father to trust you enough, to help you on the sidelines, until you are ready for your Father to talk to him.

    Sherrie
     
  8. UnashamedYouth

    UnashamedYouth
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    thanks Sherrie

    I will be seeing him tomorrow... hopefully... he lives in another town... so it's hard to hang with him... but I'll talk to some of our mutual friends and maybe we can think of something ;)

    This is so hard... I tried to raise him on Instant Messages this morning and he just got off... didn't even say hi like he normally does :( I feel like I really screwed up.
     
  9. Sherrie

    Sherrie
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    Absolutely none of this is your fault!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you ever blame yourself! You are a very good friend. And you are very concerned. Everything will go the way it is planned.

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

    Sherrie
     
  10. christine

    christine
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    Sherrie is right, gay people do recruit. When I was 18 I had a roommate that tried to recruit me. She got me very confused. God did help me thru it and would not let me stray.
    If he is a long time friend, he may have had these feelings for a long time, but was afraid to tell you. He might just be "feeling you out", to see how you react to "maybe", before he tells you more.....
    Sherrie is also right about getting professional religious advise. If he is already into it, he could be gently "recruiting" you. You know the old "I have a friend....." line.
    The only thing I might not agree with, is to spend more time with him. If he is already involved, he may be a worse influence on you, then you are a "good" influence on him. That's why you need professional advise.
    I would only tell your dad, if you know he won't go to the kids parents. The kid might get upset about your dad knowing, but probably would get over it. But I guarantee, he won't get over "outting" him to his parents.
    Just my opinion, been there.
    Christine
     
  11. UnashamedYouth

    UnashamedYouth
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    I guess the friendship is officially over... tried to contact him during my trip... and all I got was a message on my email saying he didn't want to talk anymore and he knew that telling me anything was a bad idea in the first place.


    I feel so hurt. :(
     

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