Holding Hands

Ok I'm jumping in here kinda late, but let me ask a quick question. In my opinion it is just as important to keep mental purity. So if you let your daughter or son get involved emotionally in a relationship you are running a greater risk of them obtaining baggage for their future mate to deal with. That being said, would you advise your child to not become emotionally involved with anyone? If so how would they get to know their future mate before marriage? I would much rather my mate kiss or hold hands with someone (pre-marriage), then to have a past emotional attachment to someone.

 

There is no need for this kind of spirit in a debate. Even when bapmom and I have disagreed on topics she has always acted in a way befitting a gracious Christian lady. This condescending attitude is improper, especially in the youth forum.

 

But no such rebuke to Bapmom when she all but called me an unfit mother!!!?????

Cindy

 

Once again Self Righteousness prevails.

Cindy

 

I would like to see a few young men give their point of view on this. Where a girl may see hand holding or kissing as just a way to show affection and friendship, it is often much more to a guy. Both sides should be taken into consideration. How about it young men, anyone care to share how they HONESTLY feel when kissing a girl?

Maybe I am missing something here. When my wife and I are holding hands or kissing, it does something to me, I find it exciting and exhilarating. This is after 28 years of marriage. Do I really want my kids to experience those same emotions in their teens?

Cindy,
I finally found the comment that you may have taken as saying you were an unfit mother. I can see how you may have taken it that way.This comment was also out of place in this debate. "Just because your children have dodged the bullet, does not mean that they ALL will. And just wait....so far you haven't got any grandbabies out of wedlock. I certainly hope you never do! And I say that with all sincerity." I am not a moderator in this forum, so my words have no authority here, but should have read the previous posts more clearly and commented in both at the same time.

 

young male here!

i've never kissed a girl. i've never been kissed. for me, i know i'm not ready for that as of yet. God'll bring somebody along and will lead the relationship in the way it should go. to me, hugging, and holding hands does not lead me into temptation at all. for some it might. it's mostly personal preference, and what the persons can take. but i don't think that we should be testing how far we should go. 'cuz we don't know how far, and, well... you get my point. it could go too far if you test the waters too much. so for me, i stick with what i know will not lead me wanting more.

everybody's different. so if you do something with your partner and it does feel "exciting and exhilerating" as c4k noted, then do not go there. (this is if you're not married) if you do go there, then i think you've crossed that fine line of testing the waters

i hope that makes sense.
gekko.

 

I believe it was Sigmund Freud who said that every smile is sexual. Something like that anyway...so I guess we better not smile at each other before marriage either.

Cindy

 

Excellent gekko! You show great wisdom for a man your age!

Sigmund Freud is not a source I would hold as trustworthy. Why would I take his advice when it comes to these kind of issues?

 

Put my wife and I in your world. I was just reading some of your comments to her and she was "amening" heartily .

 

Clean1,
I respect your views. My prayers are with you.

Cindy

 

TennisNE1,

when I referred to "that doesn't mean ALL of them will" when speaking of "dodging a bullet" I should have been MUCH more clear. Im sorry that you got the impression that I called you an unfit mother. I was trying to refer to not ALL TEENS that are taught this principle of "practice before marriage." I was not trying to refer to only your own children. I can certainly see how you would have taken that wrong, and I apologize for not speaking in a more clear and careful manner.
This is a matter near and dear to my own heart, as I have seen the lives of my own siblings, as well as other kids, scarred beyond repair with this idea. And my parents just figured we had enough self-control to not go "all the way."
I also apologize if you think I was being self-righteous last night. This is just as much of an issue with me, to make sure Im teaching my kids right, as it is with anyone else. I need just as much help as anyone else.


Brice,
no one answered ya yet! I believe you have an excellent point. We encourage our kids to become friends with all the kids at school. They should have both girls and boys as friends. But we encourage them to not pair off into couples just yet. It is an official rule in the high school....no dating....though it can be exempted on a case-to-case basis. We don't provide dating times for them, or any of that. But what you said is exactly why, Brice.
Sure the kids go ahead and have crushes on each other. And something interesting has happened....they all seem to know who each other likes! It has taken all that secrecy out, and the kids have no problem with everyone knowing. That part surprised me.
They just are not allowed to pair off in distinct couples and only spend time with each other. THis has allowed them to become friends first, among their groups. That way you get to know the opposite gender on sort of neutral ground first.

 

Brice, what you need to understand is that, as a general rule, for a girl, hand holding and kissing DOES denote an emotional attachment. You seemed to separate the two in the last sentence in your post.
I simply ditto everything that bapmom said in her response to you. We have not allowed our children to date.

 

I have been reading this thread for a couple of days and have decided to jump in. Clean 1, I admire your morals and high standards. You are a blessing and tribute to your parents, I am sure! But someday, you will meet a boy, fall in love and want to get married. What about the engagement period? Do you think it will be OK to kiss then? Just wondering if it makes any difference to you if you are engaged...

Gwen

 

I am really proud of the young people posting here. Most them really seem to have their heads on straight and understand the dangers of "playing with fire."

 

I agree, C4K

 

It's interesting that no one here in his "faithfulness to the text" has corrected you in this. It is good for a man not to touch...NEVERTHELESS...let every man have his own wife. Or, in the words of the NIV, It is good for a man not to marry, but since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife....

Paul is not forbidding an immoral practice in 1 Cor. 7:1. It is not immoral for a man to touch [Strong's # 680] a woman. Christ touched women:

Matthew 8:15 And he touched <680> her hand, and the fever left her: and she arose, and ministered unto them.

In every instance of the <680>, sex doesn't even enter the picture:

</font>

• Matthew 8:3 And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched &lt;680&gt; him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.</font>
• Matthew 9:20 And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched &lt;680&gt; the hem of his garment:</font>
• Matthew 9:21 For she said within herself, If I may but touch &lt;680&gt; his garment, I shall be whole.</font>
• Matthew 9:29 Then touched he &lt;680&gt; their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.</font>
• Matthew 14:36 And besought him that they might only touch &lt;680&gt; the hem of his garment: and as many as touched &lt;680&gt; were made perfectly whole.</font>
• Matthew 17:7 And Jesus came and touched &lt;680&gt; them, and said, Arise, and be not afraid.</font>
• Matthew 20:34 So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched &lt;680&gt; their eyes: and immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed him.</font>
• Mark 1:41 And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched &lt;680&gt; him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean.</font>
• Mark 3:10 For he had healed many; insomuch that they pressed upon him for to touch &lt;680&gt; him, as many as had plagues.</font>
• Mark 5:27 When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched &lt;680&gt; his garment.</font>
• Mark 5:28 For she said, If I may touch &lt;680&gt; but his clothes, I shall be whole.</font>
• Mark 5:30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched &lt;680&gt; my clothes?</font>
• Mark 5:31 And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched &lt;680&gt; me?</font>
• Mark 6:56 And whithersoever he entered, into villages, or cities, or country, they laid the sick in the streets, and besought him that they might touch &lt;680&gt; if it were but the border of his garment: and as many as touched &lt;680&gt; him were made whole.</font>
• Mark 7:33 And he took him aside from the multitude, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spit, and touched &lt;680&gt; his tongue;</font>
• Mark 8:22 And he cometh to Bethsaida; and they bring a blind man unto him, and besought him to touch &lt;680&gt; him.</font>
• Mark 10:13 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch &lt;680&gt; them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.</font>
• Luke 5:13 And he put forth his hand, and touched &lt;680&gt; him, saying, I will: be thou clean. And immediately the leprosy departed from him.</font>
• Luke 6:19 And the whole multitude sought to touch &lt;680&gt; him: for there went virtue out of him, and healed them all.</font>
• Luke 7:14 And he came and touched &lt;680&gt; the bier: and they that bare him stood still. And he said, Young man, I say unto thee, Arise.</font>
• Luke 7:39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth &lt;680&gt; him: for she is a sinner.</font>
• Luke 8:44 Came behind him, and touched &lt;680&gt; the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.</font>
• Luke 8:45 And Jesus said, Who touched &lt;680&gt; me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched &lt;680&gt; me?</font>
• Luke 8:46 And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched &lt;680&gt; me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.</font>
• Luke 8:47 And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched &lt;680&gt; him, and how she was healed immediately.</font>
• Luke 18:15 And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch &lt;680&gt; them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them.</font>
• Luke 22:51 And Jesus answered and said, Suffer ye thus far. And he touched &lt;680&gt; his ear, and healed him.</font>
• John 20:17 Jesus saith unto her, Touch &lt;680&gt; me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.</font>
• 2 Corinthians 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch &lt;680&gt; not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,</font>
• Colossians 2:21 Touch &lt;680&gt; not; taste not; handle not;</font>
• 1 John 5:18 We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth &lt;680&gt; him not.</font>

What is Paul saying? He's saying it's good for a man not to have any kind of bond with a woman, and touching hands is certainly in view here (Matt. 8:15), but because of the very real danger of immorality, do not forbid marriage.

Gina is not absolutely right. Her response was based upon her own experiences as judged by her own opinions with no appeals anywhere made to the Scriptures. Though her testimony that she's "never had thrills run through her body over hand holding" may be true not only for herself, but for most women, I can safely assert that it was a wholly different experience for the boy. But notice that Gina did not have a neutral response. She said, "it's nice, it's comforting." An emotional bond is created through that kind of physical contact. Those bonds are intended for specific relationships, and dating isn't one of them.

The thing I find most disturbing is the destructive advice you're getting from the supposedly mature and educated members here.

[ November 14, 2005, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: Aaron ]

 

That's all well and good. I support you completely, and applaud you for drawing a moral line for yourself.

However, if you saw another couple who was dating, and they were holding hands, would you think it wrong for them? If you did, this is where you would be in error.

I held my wife's hand when I dated her. I even kissed her goodnight after about a month of dating. But we never had sexual relations, or even gave the impression that we had sexual relations, until we married. And mind you, I was 38 when we got married. Of course, just because I kissed my wife beforehand doesn't mean everyone should. This is a "let each be convinced in his own mind" issue.

As for "thrills running through the body" when holding hands, I got those just by looking at her. Holding hands had nothing to do with it

A little off the topic: I remember once aI had my arms around another guy's shoulders. A college aged young man came by and called me a "faggot". What he failed to realize was that the man I was with was my brother whom I hadn't seen for a year. To make things worse, the guy who called me that was wearing a t-shirt that had his church's name on it.

[ November 14, 2005, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Johnv ]

 

There certainly is. Before one starts looking for a marriage partner, one must have a reasonable understanding, comprehension, expectation, and knowlege of what to look for in a marriage partner in the first place. This can be done for dating, even though one is not yet looking for a marriage partner.

Further, one must know how to deal with and interact with persons of the opposite gender. Dating gives a person the skills to do this.

It seems only in the last 50 or so years have we associated dating with sexual relations. Not so. We need to get our minds out of the gutter.