What a team... who needs Rod! I found this poem on the internet today... The Coach That Stole Christmas By Justin King, Harrisville, West Virginia Every Eer down in Mo’town loved football a lot. But Coach Rod who lived just East of Mo’town did NOT. Coach Rod betrayed football! The whole football season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his salary wasn’t set just right. It could be, perhaps, the gold jerseys were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all, may have been that his playbook was two sizes too small. Whatever the reason, his pay or his jerseys, he just stood there that night, just watching the flurries. Staring up from the bench as the weather turned cold, at 60,000 Eer fans all decked out in gold. For he knew every Eer sitting up in the stands, was busy making BCS title game plans. They’re gathering couches, ready to be lit. The only thing he had to do was just beat Pitt. Then Coach Rod growled, as he heard the Pride start its drumming, “I MUST find some way to stop this title game from coming!” For after the game, he knew . . . . all the coaches and writers would finally take note, and they’d rush for their ballots and then. . . Oh the votes. Oh, the Votes! Votes! Votes! Votes! That’s one thing he hated. The first place VOTES! VOTES! VOTES! VOTES! And then they’d do something he liked least of all. Every Eer down in Mo’town, the tall and the small, would stand close together, with their cell phones ringing. They’d stand hand-in-hand and the Eers would start singing. They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d Sing. Sing. Sing. Sing. And the more Coach Rod thought of this Country Roads sing, the more that Coach Rod thought, “I must stop this whole thing! Why for seven full years I’ve put up with now. I must stop this title game from coming! But HOW?” Then he got an idea! An awful idea! Coach Rod got a wonderful, awful idea. “I know just what to do” he laughed into the night, “I’ll run the bubble screen left and then again to the right.” And he chuckled and clucked, “What a great Richie trick. I’ll keep running the same 4 plays until it clicks.” Coach Rod’s game plan did not work, did not work one bit. And victory somehow went to the team from Pitt. But did that stop Coach Rod’s demands from being made? No, he wanted more money for him to get paid. When boosters would no longer stroke his huge ego, Coach Rod hopped a flight to a town called Toledo. He claimed to be with his financial advisor. But he lied and the Eers were no more the wiser. As Rod and Rita flew back home later that day, the Sporting News had something it wanted to say. Coach Rod had met with the Michigan Maize and Blue. Could Coach Rod be leaving us, no Eer had a clue. Coach Rod held a press conference that very next day. But “no comment” was all that Coach Rod would dare say. “I will not address rumor or innuendo.” But all along he knew he was ready to go. He then went shopping for some new ties and new suits and while waiting in line he called some big recruits. “Terrelle I’ll be in Ann Arbor for a few years. Come join me at Michigan and forget the Eers.” And while Rod was telling him UM is so great, Coach Gibson had called the top recruit in our state. “Jenkins you should think about a quick decommit. We’re Michigan guys now though we have yet to quit.” At 1:30 Coach Rod held a players meeting. And Dykes gave him a less than warm friendly greeting. “I’m leaving,” he said, “it’s time for me to resign, and reunite with my old neighbor John Beilein.” If this is a joke Coach, it’s not very funny. But all Rod kept saying was “show me the money.” He hid in his office for over an hour, unable to face his team, oh, what a coward! He then sent a poor GA to go fetch his car, and pull it up to the office named for Puskar. He sneaked out of the back door in a big hurry. When the press saw him, like a rat he did scurry. Then Coach Rod said “floor it” and the car started down, towards the homes where all the Eers reside in Mo’town. All the windows were dark, all the finals were done. But Coach Rod’s evil plan had only just begun. “I’ve broken all their hearts and their bank accounts too. Now it’s time to break the football program in two.” At the airport Rod and crew arrived just in time, to join Magee and Gibson, his partners in crime. As the coaches and families boarded the flight, and the light of day began to turn into night, Coach Rod considered the decision he’d just made, and glanced one last time out at the state he’d betrayed. Some Eers had gathered there to show Rod their disgust, and to yell loud at the Coach “In Rod We Don’t Trust.” Before the airplane could even touch off the ground, the signs were already coming down in Grant Town. Over thirty thousand feet up. Up in the air. Coach Rod looked out his window and started to stare. “Let’s Go Mountaineers” he was grinch-ishly humming, “they will soon find out that no title is coming.” “When they realize that it really was just all about me, I’ll sit back at Michigan and sit there with glee. Because I know just what those poor Eer fans will do. Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two . . . Then the Eers down in Mo’town will all cry Boo-Hoo.” “That’s a noise,” grinned Coach Rod, “that I simply must hear.” So he paused, and Coach Rod put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a song rising over the snow. At first it started in low, then it started to grow. But the song wasn’t sad. Why this song sounded merry. It couldn’t be so. But it was merry. Very! As he stared down from the plane Coach Rod popped his eyes. Then he cursed! What he saw was a shocking surprise. Every Eer down in Mo’town, the tall and the small, were Singing “Country Roads” with no title at all. As Rod stared out the window, out into the snow, he sat there quite puzzled: “How could it be so?” Without Coach Rod the program can never survive. How do those Eers think that they will keep it alive? But the one thing that Coach Rod had failed to recall, was to Eers perhaps the most important of all. Loyalty and honesty are all that we ask. Is that really that much of a difficult task? Winning and losing are all just part of the game. But Rod’s actions will forever tarnish his name. Perhaps in the end this will all be for the best. But I’ll warn Rod now of the scarlet sweater vest. For he will pay for his disloyalty and lies, and it will come each year in the form of Buckeyes. Just remember that there will be no coming back, when you’ve been fired and stuck coaching in the MAC. As for the Eers, everything may look a bit down. But this is no reason to wear such a long frown. For a new coach is coming to help save the day. Whether it’s Jimbo, Terry, or Doc Holliday. In the end it doesn’t really matter to me, as long as he’s honest and shows some loyalty. I have just one more thing for whomever we get, Please, oh please, next time beat a 4-7 Pitt.