How do I tell the Pastor without becoming a Gossip?

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by johnr643, Aug 6, 2003.

  1. johnr643

    johnr643
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    Recently members of our church have been complaining about our Pastor. My Question is how do I go to him and make him aware of the talk? Should I go to him? To me none of items seem to be that important,but I think they need to be addressed before they grow into more of a problem. Help?
     
  2. ScottEmerson

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    Perhaps you can go to the complaining members first, and see whether they have a legitimate gripe. They may see by being confronted that their complaints are weak and really without bearing. Perhaps you can encourage them to take their complaints to the pastor himself.

    Then you may want to bring two or three people with you to see them, continuing to address them.

    Only then would I go to the pastor.

    Of course, that's just me - others may have a different perspective.
     
  3. Sherrie

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    Hi John! I know stuff like this can weigh heavy on your heart. It really stops you from worshipping the way you should too, because things like this are on your mind.

    But I have to agree with Scott. I would go to these people. And Scott is right, take someone with you. Jesus sent the apostles out by two's.

    I will keep your church and you in my prayers.

    God Bless
    Sherrie
     
  4. dianetavegia

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    John, May I suggest that every time someone begins to say something to you about your pastor that you quickly stop them in their tracks and ask them have they spoken to the pastor about their concerns. This might cause them to stop and think.

    Diane
     
  5. Glory Bound

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    Something that I have found to be helpful was to offer to go along with the person who has the complaint to speak with the pastor about it.

    These things need to be nipped in the bud, because even small things can fester and blow up into big issues later on. I still can hardly believe some of the things I've heard in similar situations years ago.
     
  6. Jim1999

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    Out of little acorns great oak trees grow. Behind all the little things are much bigger concerns. As a retired minister, I would sincerely appreciate even the little things brought to my attention. Then the seeming problems can be dealt with directly, and nip problems in the bud.

    There will always be people who have problems with one's style of ministry, and there is always someone better for the position. We learn to live with that fact.

    There are some good suggestions here; offering to accompany the person to see the pastor. The idea of taking two or three persons with you seems a bit much for a trivial matter.

    I used to get a little flack from some members because I wore a clergy collar, but that often softened after a few months. So it is with other trivial things, they eventually fall by the wayside.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  7. TaterTot

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    I agree. As a pastor's wife, we have experienced the same stuff. We want to know what little "issues" pop up so that we can try and fix them. You know, we cant visit Aunt Rosie in the hospital if no one lets us know she is in there!! There are lots of small things that have the potential to fester if left alone. Communication is a great tool!
     
  8. Ben W

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    One suggestion John might be to approach the elders of the fellowship for advice?
     
  9. I Am Blessed 24

    I Am Blessed 24
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    Ben, that is good advice. The elders/deacons could check it out and if it is valid, THEY could go to the pastor. Also, they might be able to squelch it and it need not go any further.

    Of course, if some of the elders/deacons are part of the problem, you may want to go to the pastor yourself.

    BTW, it is not gossiping when you talk to your pastor...it shows genuine concern and your willingness to help solve the problem.
     
  10. Glory Bound

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  11. Merrill

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    All of these are good advice. I would consider them all but I will tell you about a circumstance that happened in my church. After a Sunday Service our Cristian camp advisor had got up and told us about the good works that happened in the youth summer camp. He had stated that they had taken them out of the trailer courts and it left some with a bad taste in their mouths as some in our church live in Mobile homes in courts. It made them feel like they were being called trailer trash. So what I did was call the person and the pastor and those involved into a meeting before the pastor. You know what ? It all was worked out in the wash and resolved with no hard feelings. So maybe call a meeting with those who are involved in with the pastor and bring the meat out onto the table before all to answer for. If you understand what I mean. Things like that can create some terrible harm in your church and it needs to be stopped now before real hurt takes place.
     
  12. SaggyWoman

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    The people who are complaining either need to be taken to the pastor to voice their complaints in person, biblically, or they need shut up. And the people who are listening to the gossip need to take them or quit listening.
     
  13. Bro. James Reed

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    1 Timothy 5

    19 Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.

    if this is the case, then

    Matthew 18

    15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
    16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
    17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

    Good Luck. My prayers are with you and your church.

    Bro. James
     
  14. gb93433

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    The next time someone speaks about the pastor in a gossiping way just stop the conversatiuon and ask the pastor to come over right then. When he comes tell the pastor that the person has something to say to him. That will stop all gossip immediately.
     
  15. amixedupmom

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    Here's some advice i learned the hard way. Close your ear to it and have nothing to do with it. Sooner or later everyone is exposed. It just takes some time. Don't be discoraged. Trust me you will when you hear it. I was too, But I let it go out one ear and out the other lol. Hang tough :0) and God Bless you for having corage!
     

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